Lori’s Story

Hi, I’m Lori. I’m a wife and mom of two kids (and now a grandma!). I’ve walked with the Lord most of my life, with seasons of ignorance, walking in the wrong direction, and dealing with the usual fallout from living in this world. I’ve known abuse, divorce, and a host of other hurts, as I’m sure many of you have. But again, like many of you, I still wanted to do good, to love well and live fully. It all seemed to escape me, my life slipping away in the busyness of my day, my relationships a sad shadow of what I hoped they would be. 

I saw my marriage begin to develop some serious cracks (the kind that eventually cause your marriage to break into little pieces). I was busy dealing with the chaos of life and, frankly, I wasn’t sure how to go about “building my marriage.” (You hear that term all the time, but no one really tells you how to do that, except perhaps to have a date night. :-| )  I realized also my mouth was tearing things up, expressing fears, doubts and generally being snarky (sarcasm can actually kill, a marriage at any rate). I carried emotional baggage I wasn’t dealing with and I had no good models from which to learn. I knew I was in a mess, that I was a mess, but I really didn’t know what to do.

I figured at the very least I could stop saying anything unkind or rude. So for a while I didn’t say much. It actually felt pretty good and it taught me a lot about my inner workings. I started praying and asking God to teach me about real love and how to walk that out in my marriage … and He was (and continues to be) faithful to answer.

I gave a lot of thought to what I really wanted to say to my husband and how I would want that said if he were to say it to me. Kindness quickly became a motivating factor. (It can be a very scary thing to envision how you look to others when you talk.)

I started thinking about what I wanted from him and asked myself if I was returning the favor. More than that, did I really know him well enough to give him what he might want, seeing he was a different person with different preferences. Learning to ask good questions then became important, as well as learning his moods so the timing of my questions wouldn’t drive him mad.

Eventually I began to see changes, small at first. I could live with myself better and the twinkle was back in my husband’s eye. I knew if I would just stay on the journey I would be giving my marriage the chance it needed to not only survive, but flourish. The hints of success were there. I began to see glimpses of that “loving well” and “living fully” I so very much wanted.

Today my kids are grown (and I have three grandbabies!). My husband, Paul, and I work together and actually enjoy it. We continue to invest in our marriage and reap the benefits of it (we are best friends and hugely in love with each other). A few years back I got a wild hare and decided that sharing some ideas would be a good thing and The Generous Wife was born. Not to be outdone, my husband created The Generous Husband (and now The XY Code). It is our ongoing joy to infect others with the desire to bless their spouses.

Our home is in the beautiful Northwest (USA). We spend out days blogging and working for the marriage ministry that took on a life of its own several years ago. We enjoy sharing life with the many friends we have made along the way.

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