The Relationship Cure

In my 2018 goals I mentioned I’m reading a marriage book a month. The Relationship Cure by John Gottman was my book for March.

I’d like to share one concept from the book as a way of encouraging y’all to pick up a copy to read for yourself. It’s an amazing how-to book for growing your communication skills.

When Gottman started his studies on marriage (he’s a researcher) he assumed that stronger marriages would be marked by intimate conversation. Turns out,  the couples who talked often about mundane things were the healthy ones. It wasn’t so much what they talked about but how they paid attention to each other that made the difference.

When couples were willing to respond well to each other’s “bid for connection” (little bits of conversation, a pat on the arm, etc.) they were in effect telling each other that they mattered. Ignoring (turning away) or being hostile/negative toward (turning against) a spouse’s “bid” was very hurtful to a marriage.

The book goes on to talk about a number of other conversation skills you can develop. You’ll explore your communication preferences, learn how your past influences your communication style, understand the importance of dreams, values, rituals, and more.

It’s a pretty amazing book. The Relationship Cure by John Gottman

Strong bonds are not necessarily forged out of earthshattering events like job loss, irreconcilable conflict, or horrid disaster. Trust doesn’t require gut-wrenching conversations that plumb the depths of our souls. Rather, good relationships usually develop slowly over time, growing out of the thousands of mundane interactions we share each day.  John Gottman


Prayer Prompt: Ask God to help you and your husband pay attention to each other and build a sense of valuing each other.

 The Forgiven Wife: Rock What You Know (or, Chris Does Dishes) Great principle applied to marriage.

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