back to article page

I read Love and Respect by Dr. Eggerich. I was so impressed with his writings, I decided to challenge the list for ideas on how we can respect our husbands. We had a bit of concern by some about the crossover from being respectful to being a doormat or walking in some kind of dishonestly, not being able to talk about hard realities. So I figured that a definition for respect wouldn't come amiss.

Respect means to show courteous regard for someone, to appreciate them, or to show consideration for them. Real respect does not lie and does not cover up a problem, it just means that the truth, no matter how hard, is discussed with kindness and gentleness, showing concern for other's feelings, as well as your own.

My thoughts are that showing real respect to someone doesn't lessen who you are, it just betters your relationship. Lori <><


LONNIE

It has been a challenge for me to respect my husband, so I have learned a few things over the years:

1. I defer to him in decision-making. I tell him what I think, ask him what he thinks and then let him know that the decision is his. If I feel very strongly about the matter or if it is a very big issue this can be very difficult. So, I practice by following this procedure even if I don't feel strongly or if it is a small issue and I already know what he will say. I especially do this when the kids ask me things. I tell them they are talking to the wrong parent -- especially if it is in an area in which he has abilities or tends to make the decisions.

2. I say nice things about him in front of other people -- especially his children.

3. When he feels badly because he doesn't make a lot of money I point out all the things he can do (e.g. car and home repair) that make up for it. I tell him his abilities are like money in the bank to us. I also tell him how impressed I am that he is at work every day even if he doesn't feel like going.

4. When he makes a comment that he's not very smart or educated I point out the ways that he IS smart that other people are not and all the things he has learned on his own without formal instruction.

5. When we disagree I am very, very careful in how I word my side of the conversation so as not to belittle his side.

6. Since he was pretty clueless as to how to be a good husband I have many times had to give him negative feedback regarding his behavior toward me. I try hard to let him know that I notice whenever he gets it right and how blessed I am that he has been willing to change when needed.


SHARON

I show respect by doing things he wants me to, by doing things his way (cooking something the way he wants, or putting something where he wants me to). Respect partly is showing preference for someone else, so thinking of them, and SHOWING you are thinking of them. The last few weeks I've done a few little projects that my husband has asked me to do (making a gun cleaning case, to hold supplies; making a patch for a jacket; making a patch for a bag; putting a design on a couple shirts he had bought). I know how much he appreciates it, he tells me, and SHOWS me. But I think I'm also showing respect to him by doing little things to make him happy.

I really enjoy the book Love and Respect also, and know by showing him respect by doing as he wants in these little things I've done, he will show me so much love in return. The best part is, I'm not doing the projects for him to get anything, just to let him know I love him. That hasn't always been true, and it is a blessing to both of us to see it happening in our family.


JIMMIE

One major way to respect DH is to avoid disagreeing with him in public. Along those same lines is to avoid correcting him in public. It's more effective to later one-on-one mention my disagreement or correction. Usually when I hold my tongue, I find that I totally forget the whole thing and never need to bring it up. Isn't that better anyway? It's ususally not that imortant, so why bother degrading DH in front of others?


BETHANY

A very simple way that I show respect to my husband is by taking off his big work boots when he comes home from work. When he first asked me to, I thought it was kind of weird, but I did and he said it showed that I respected him and appreciated his hard work. I guess little things can go a long way!


NADINE

I show respect and gratefulness to my husband by taking the time to show him the groceries when I go shopping. I leave all the bags of non-perishables lined up on the kitchen floor, and point out to our 4 sons and infant daughter that Daddy works hard so he can provide the money to buy their meals. That we should thank him for the provision, and not be wasteful or gluttonous. Then I tell them about the money I saved buying things on sale and using coupons, to teach them the value in not being a spontaneous shopper. I feel it is important for them to not take it for granted that food is available, and when Daddy is working late, to remember how much he loves us-enough to provide for us. Much like our Heavenly Father provides for us.


LINDY

1. Budgeting - I have been making soap, creme rinse, Christmas gifts and other things around the house to save money so that he has more of his money to spend how he wants to (and then let him spend it without advisement from you).

2. Never contradict in front of others or in front of the children. If you must have a disagreement, wait until all onlookers have gone before sharing your difference of opinion and then only share it if it's absolutely necessary. Don't argue just to prove you're right and he's wrong.

3. Praise and compliments whenever appropriate, especially on decisions made. If wrong decisions are made, supportive "bright side" or "I would have done the same thing if I were in your shoes" comments rather than "I told you so".

4. Allow him to make bad decisions - sometimes they aren't so bad and even when they are, your husband realizes that you trust him and he'll try harder to remedy the mistake next time.

5. Never compare your husband to someone else, like a father, a pastor or someone else who you deem as a better man. First of all, you don't know the secrets of the other guy and he may be worse than your husband, and second of all, your husband will feel inadequate and once defeated will quit trying to live up to your unreasonable standards.


MELISSA

When my husband is at work, I often email his work account simply telling him how much I appreciate him being there and providing for our family. If he has to work late and we're all in bed when he comes home, I often leave a note on his pillow telling him how much I love and respect him. My husband told me that to him and most men he knows, actions speak much louder than words, so simply packing his lunch for work the next day or cleaning the house reminds him that I respect him enough to do it for him. I never let a day go by without telling my husband I love him, appreciate him, and respect him. Hope this helps!


KRISTI

I try only to edify my husband, ESPECIALLY in public and in front of our children. I don't talk to him in a rude tone or disagree with him openly. If I don't agree with him and I MUST say something then, I do it calmly and respectfully and tell him why, generally after begging a moment with him. Usually it can wait, though, so I tell him if I disagree with him when we have a moment in private. Even in private, I try to speak to him respectfully. In turn, I get the same courtesy. Our arguments (even the bad ones) seldom last more than a few minutes, because we don't sling things we don't mean that tear one another down. Another benefit to always edifying is that all of our friends and family see our respect for one another. This is because we in the habit of always edifying, even when we are not together. We have a nasty reputation of being happily married and are still accused of acting like newlyweds after 6 1/2 years!


TONYA

I have been thinking of ways that I respect my husband but couldn't come up with anything intellegent off the top of my head. After reading Kristi's email on respect, I realize that is the same model that my husband and I use. Our arguements never last long either. People either think we are lying to them when we tell them that we just don't fight, or accuse us of living in a fairy tale. I would tell her to keep up the good work because we are working on year 11 and happy as ever.


DONNA

Showing my husband respect, when I FEEL he least deserves it. Biting my tongue and not taking advantage of a situation or conversation when I think I'm right. In other words allowing him his own opinion and opportunity to make a mistake with out mothering him. Often when I email my husband, instead of closing with I love you, I sign it "With all my respect." It sounds silly to us, we want to hear I love you, I know my husband wants to hear he is loved, but "With all my respect" really does something for him. I start out emails or remind him often "You are an awesome man of God". remind him too, that he may be the only "Jesus, with skin on" that his employees and co-workers ever get to encounter, and what an awesome responsibility it is.

It's taken me 14 years of marriage, but I've finally figured out that even though most men don't show it, they are very fragile, not just their egos, but their spirits too. I never realized the painful lashing my husband gets from my negative words. It is difficult for many men to express being hurt, society has trained them to think it takes their manhood from them. But just as powerful as my words can be in a negative way, God gives my words that same great power to lift my husband and build him up.


BOBBI

My significant other was challenged after Hurricane Wilma (Oct 05) in his job. He began working 11 hour days - 13 days on, 1 day off. I took over his household duties - lawn care, pool care - during this time. We argued over this & I let him know that I respect him and his time off so that he could actually relax on his 1 day off. Two things I discovered - 1 - He has more respect for me and what I do (full-time job, mom of our 4 kids, running the house and all his duties included) and 2 - I benefitted by toning up and losing some weight doing these things and found that I truly enjoy the yard work. It has ended up a win-win situation (of course, until he tries to take the lawn back from me - LOL).


PATTI

I try to keep our room cleaned up. Even if the rest of the house is a shambles. He works a 24 hour shift and often times is awake overnight. When he comes home in the morning, I like for him to have a peaceful, comfortable place to rest. Before he goes to work, I always ask him if there is anything he would like me to do for him. Go to the bank, get something mailed, etc. He usually doesn't have anything, but sometimes he does. When he does, I put that task as a top priority on my list.


JONGSMA

My husband has given me his heart to keep it safe. I respect him by not sharing his most precious, secret part with anyone else. What he tells me in confidence goes no further. What we share together stays with us.


MANDY

When women get together they tend to complain about the men in their lives, make demeaning jokes about them, and otherwise put them down. I try to show respect to my husband by not participating and in fact sharing all the amazing things he does and building him in front of others instead of tearing him down.


MELISSA

My husband is not a cook like most ... I had to show him how to make grilled cheese once. I show him respect by making dinner (and his lunch) everyday with a smile on my face even when I dont feel like it.


DEBORAH

I praise God he joined my darling husband and me together 12 years ago. I digress, sorry. Last week when I was reading an email from a friend who asked me to pray for him, I told my husband and he had some very wise words regarding my friend's situation. So I emailed my friend and suggested he confide in my husband because as I told him, I trust this man's (my DH) spiritual counsel implicitly! My husband read my email and was very blessed by my trust and respect in him and his walk with the Lord. My friend did confide in him and all is well. Praise God for hearing our prayers.


ROBIN

This is partly because his laundry has been a big issue in the past. On Saturday I make a point to iron all of his nice shirts so that he can look together at church and at work. He doesn't say much about it but I like the way he looks when he isn't a wrinkle bag, and it is a good way for me to practice humility and get over myself.


TERRAH

1. Make dinner for him every night.
2. Listen.
3. Be interested in his career.
4. Compliment him often, also often in front of others.
5. Send him thank you notes for my fabulous life that he works hard so I can have.
6. Be sexually generous.


LAURA

I think a great way to show respect to your husband is by having a meal cooked when he comes home from work. It's a way to show him that you appreciate the fact that he's been working for your familiy all day. I try to do it as often as possible (with 2 children, one on the way, and another that I watch). ;)


JENNIFER

One thing I do to show my husband that I respect him is model it to my kids. We have two children, and I talk respectfully about and to him whenever I can. (obviously I am not perfect, but I do strive to do this) I build my husband up to my children, pointing out what he does to love us and the efforts that he makes. (ie: We are so blessed that your dad is able to work so hard and provide so well for us.) I also try to not grumble about him when I am around them.

Another thing that I do is I try and listen when he needs to vent about challenges at work. Sometimes it is all he talks about, but I do my best to listen and let him know that I am interested in what concerns him.


EVA

I devoured Emmerson's Love and Respect over a year ago. I'd been reading some great material on marriage, but this book was a bull's eye for my husband's needs and gave me the biblical keys. The lesson that God never tells us to agape love our husband, but to respect him was awesome to learn! Much of it I'd learned the hard way in 15 years of being together, but some pictures were new and I continued to implement the lessons. My husband has been blown away. :) By far the most powerful action was eliminating talking disrespectfully or sarcastically to him or about him or in front of him, which for the most part I've been successful at. When we disagree, I'm able to refrain from being destructive (not to be confused with being silent!) and it makes those times a fraction of the time before. I also find that his being safe with me has made him more forgiving when I do mess up and treat him wrong! Our marriage went from being great to shooting the moon!

Also helpful were: Laura Schlessinger's Care and Feeding of Husbands that covers practical ways of loving husbands and true accounts of success and failure, Shanti Feldhahn's For women Only which is a short accounting of survey results from men about Emmerson's subjects (he's quoted often), Michael Gurian's kinda heavy What could he be thinking? that covers the differences between men and women based on brain and hormone scans and his study of 40 cultures. (not christian, but I know how to insert that!), and your own book Generous Husband covering the whimsical and sexual. These rounded out a 2 year study I did for my marriage and we're eager to pass them along. I had to chime in with Emmerson's book's value. Keep it up!


ERICA

Now matter how much your In-Laws get on your nerves, they are still his parents and you have to respect that.


GLENDA

The biggest way I have shown my husband respect is accepting a decision he felt strongly about but I was unsure off. The other is to back him up when we deal with the kids, even if we talk about it later. They see a united front.


KELLEY

I always ask my husband for his opinion and thoughts on most everything. Simple things like the dinner menu for the week; what color to paint the hallway, etc. Even though he usually leaves the final desicion to me, it makes him feel involved in the household and it shows him that I want and respect his opinion. I've noticed that he'll ask my opinion on things he usually handles around the home now too. Its also created a better friendship between us. That's what buddies do right? They bounce ideas off each other!


CASSANDRA

I learned early in my Christian walk that I must submit to my husband. It was (is) a tough lesson to learn, and I still struggle with it at times, BUT, I have found that if my wonderful husband makes a mistake, the best way I can submit to him and show him respect is by not correcting him. If I feel that he has done something wrong, I wait until we are alone and voice my opinion lovingly, but never correct him in front of others. That is for God to do, and if I try to do His job, I am not in submission and we both end up looking like idiots. My pastor's wife counseled me long ago with Proverb 12:4 A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband, but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenous to his bones.


MICHELLE

I work 1pm to 9pm tonight so I won't get to see my fiance'. As a show of respect and gratitude, I cooked him a new, chicken crock pot meal early in the morning so it will be ready for him when he gets home from work. I also took the liberty of loading/running the dishwasher and cleaning up so he wouldn't have to. Next to the the crock pot, I left a little love note telling him how much I love and respect him. I'm sure any guy would love this :)


DANA

When my husband is disciplining, teaching, directing, etc... the children, I try not correct what he has told them in front of them (keyword try). :) If something needs to be said (i.e. i already told them they could read before bed) take him aside, don't undermine his authority while they are watching.


SANDIE

I think that part of showing respect for your husband is not talking bad about him to your friends or family when you are angry. It's one thing to talk to someone in confidence for advice and help to resolve issues. But, it's entirely another thing to talk down about your husband because you are angry. Anger can shatter communication and tear apart relationships and ruins both the joy and health of many. And most often people tend to justify their anger instead of accepting responsibility for it. When ever I am angry with my husband, I always ask myself "Where did I go wrong?" I examine myself and think about the situation before I speak to anyone or my husband. And ultimately we are comanded to forgive. (hard to do sometimes, but necessary) And if my husband is clearly wrong, I just take the matter up with the Lord! And get the proper help, if required.

Anger turns to sin when it is selfishly motivated (James 1:20), when God's goal is distorted (1 Corinthians 10:31), or when anger is allowed to linger (Ephesians 4:26-27). Instead of using the energy generated by anger to attack the problem at hand, one attacks the person instead. Ephesians 4:15, 19 says we are to speak the truth in love and to use our words to build up others, and not to allow rotten or destructive words to pour from our lips.


MARY

I don't shoot down his ideas. It used to be, that whenever he mentioned something I assumed that it meant that he was going to do it and now, and if I didn't like it, I let him know. Now, I listen to him, and unless I have something positive to say, or unless he is really asking for my opinion, I don't really say anything about it. I only say things that acknowledge to him that I'm listening. If it is something I'm not crazy about, I remind God that I have decided to be respectful and submissive, and if this is not a good idea, He needs to speak to my husband about it. Since I have started doing this, my husband shares more with me than he ever did before. It has been wonderful. And God has worked on his heart on some of the ideas, and on my heart on some of them. :)


BONKI

I don't know if you're a mother or not, but if you are, you need to do the Wisdom for Mothers Bible study by Denise Glenn. It's awesome. Also I'm reading the book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thompson and I highly recommend it too. I'm learning a lot about respecting my husband and about our marriage from these studies. One way to show respect is to ask your husband's opinion or permission before you volunteer or sign-up to do something. Then listen to his advice about whether or not he thinks you have enough time, energy, etc. to do it. He may tell you not to volunteer for something (even if it is a worthy cause) because he knows it will take you away from the home and our husbands and homes (next to God) are our top priorities.


MELANIE

To show him respect, I've trusted him in areas that he knows aren't easy for me to trust in (finances, parenting, etc.). This means a lot to him and I can trust my God who will always guide him.


ANDI

One way that my husband has mentioned shows him respect is that I don't talk down about him or his job to our children. He is a car salesman (not the sleezy kind but a real professional) and most days works 12 hours, so we see him for breakfast and sometimes stop in a say hi. I always talk to the kids about how daddy is a good man for working and working hard so mommy can be home all the time and that he is doing what GOD wants him to do by going to work. We pass by his work and shout out a prayer for daddy to sell some cars. And I never voice my frustrations to the children about the long hours he works. (It IS frustrating some days to be with 4 kids all day and be pregnant as well, believe me!) Our children in turn respect the fact that daddy works and is willing to do this to give us a good life. We never talk bad about daddy or his job, we are always uplifting. The kids are excited to see daddy when he comes home and really excited when he brings home a new car every once in a while! (not to keep, just to use!)


KATHY

I was a single woman, living on my own, for 8 years before I married my husband. I have always been one to make social plans and arrangements by myself, and after I was first married I thought that taking my husband's schedule, likes, and dislikes into account was showing him respect. I know now that I need to include him in decision making, even for social plans. I've learned (and am still learning) to ask him for his honest opinion, listen, and not rush to give him my opinion until he's had a chance to give me his thoughts. Seeking out my husband's thoughts and opinions is something I really try to do to show him respect.


TERESA

I am a stay at home mom. My husband (a workaholic) and I bought a "fixer upper" of a house. He is constantly in repair mode when he comes home from work. Mowing our yard is very time consuming, so in order to "buy him some time," I mow it for him. Two things happen; he recognizes my respect for projects he wants to accomplish and God blesses my effort regardless. P.S. Did I mention, I hate mowning?


VERNITTA

My pastor once gave me some good advice. When you and your husband are facing a decision to make just give him your opinion on the matter and let him make the actual decision. This has helped a lot. It is hard to just sit back and let my husband make a decision without trying to make sure he does it my way. But, I need to remember that he is the head of our household. And, I stand by any decision that he makes. Of course, he does take my opinion into consideration. This has worked very well for us.


WANDA

I bought a gift bag and a list pad (like a grocery list pad). Everyday (for a month) I wrote something I respected, admired, loved or appreciated about my husband on that pad and put it into the gift bag. Once a week we'd go somewhere special (the lake, the swing in our backyard, our bed, etc) and I'd read each slip of paper to him. We've been married 25 years and I thought I'd "spoken" these things often but from his response (he's cried more than once) apparently not often enough!

Marriage has been hard for us so in the beginning it was a struggle to come up with one thing to put on that paper but after a quick heartfelt prayer so many things came to mind I was still writing an hour (and several list pages) later! The more I thought and prayed about what to write, the more blessings I discovered. This idea turned out to be a Heavenly gift for us both.

If we don't look for the blessings our husbands bring to our lives, we start to forget they're there and then... we start to believe that they never were there.


TRICIA

I show my DH respect in many ways, but one of them is to instantly stop the children if they begin speaking in a disrespectful way. I explain to the kids (in front of DH) that Daddy is very important to our family and we love him too much to be disrespectful, an apology to Daddy usually follows. I think it's good to do this so that he doesn't have to stand up for himself and he knows that he is very important to me and that I will not allow disrepectfulness to him from our children.


SANDY

It has been so great to read the tips on respect. I read Love and Respect just recently and it was one of the most challenging books I have read in quite some time. I never realized that I wasn't communicating respect to my husband and just how much it was discouraging and hurting him. I have really been trying to acknowledge his attempts at doing things (whether successful or not) and letting him know how much I appreciate his effort. Along with this, is working really hard not to point out when he doesn't do something that I thought he should do.

Another thing is working to communicate with him better at a man level instead of trying to communicate with him the same way I do with my girlfriends. I think he really appreciates this. Thankfully, we are both working on this which of course makes it that much easier for me.


HEATHER

Make sure and take notice when they need their space and give it to them.


KELLEY

Our situation is not unique. My husband's father was abusive, an alcoholic, and has disowned my husband because he decided to change his last name, finally cutting all ties to him before we were married. His father has tried to tear my husband's family in half by dividing those who agree with my husband and those who don't. This man has never even met our daughter, through his choice, not ours. Because of this, my husband has attached himself to my father, being the role model.

So, my tip is: I constantly tell my husband he's a better man than is father. I give him detailed examples of why, i.e. how he treats me, or his being a father himself, or just that he's a better man period, mainly because he wants to BE better.

It's corny and small, but his eyes shine with pride EVERY time I say it.


LISA

Probably some of the major ways I show respect for my husband is to speak highly of him at all times. The worst thing you can do, I think, is to make a joke about him that belittles him in front of yours and his friends. The best thing to do is to talk about how great he is. This can take on the form of just saying a quick comment in front of other people: "Yep, Dan is really good at -." Or you can take this a bit further when you are alone together and tell him "Wow, I'm so glad I'm married to you, you are the best husband I could possibly have. You are so good at -" It also does you good to change your thinking if you tend to compare your husband to other guys. Turn it around from "I wish my husband could be more like so and so" to thinking of the things that your husband is really good at, and being glad that you get to be on the receiving end of those attributes.


HEATHER

My husband and I used to not see eye to eye on things when we first got married. Now we do or we have very good, productive conversations and examinations for a problem or idea. The best thing I found is to not say the word "but" a lot ex: That is a good idea, but! I don't want to paint the bedroom a different color. I have found that a better way to interject your opinion or idea of his idea/opinion is to say "and" that way you don't cancel out the positive statement that comes before the "but." ex: It is a good idea to repaint the bedroom, "and" I really like the color it is now maybe we could choose a color in that same family. (I know guys don't really care about stuff like that but it was the only thing I could think of right now at work) We all want our ideas and opinions to be respected, just think how you would want your husband to talk to you and remember you are a TEAM, if there is something you need to say or interject on a "bad" idea do it in a nice/respectful and loving way.


SUE

One of the things I learned early in our marriage; was not to disagree/or question my husband's decisions in front of our children. When I did, it caused great distress in our home. It put distance between my mate and me; and it unsettled our children as to who was in charge. Now that we are grandparents the same thing goes when the grandkids are present with us. If I have a different opinion, I may express it in private, out of earshot of the children. Once you get the hang of it; things go much smoother.


EVANGELINE

One thing that I've been learning over the 22 years of marriage .......is to NOT correct him if he gets a minor detail wrong. For instance, if he is relating an incident that has happened and he says "we waited at the doctor's office for 45 minutes" when it was really an hour - does it make a difference to the other party how long we waited? Unless it REALLY matters, I try to keep my mouth shut. =)


JACKI

My husband was the victim of a birth injury that left him without the use of his left arm. Because of this, his natural talents have been hindered and he was emotionally abused by his family growing up. His hobby is wood-working, and he frequently needs both of my hands to accomplish small tasks, so I have learned to hover near when he is in the middle of a project. My change in attitude from "you interrupted me" to "I value your time, dreams and handiwork" has caused a change in him. He treats me less like an adversary and more like a partner. This validates him more than anything else I could ever do.


BECKY

I never ever speak evil of my husband to others, this includes no jokes about his shortcomings or male bashing. Whatever problems I have with him, I speak with him. If I can't talk to him about it I certainly do not share it with others. I take it to God.

I do not share my husbands struggles or concerns with others. He needs to know he has my complete confidence. He needs to know that his heart is safe with me. For this reason we have great communication and openess.


HEATHER

To show my husband I really respect him, I not only listen to him when the two of us are alone, but I listen to him in front of others. Whether it is in situations with our kids or with friends, if I listen attentively and encourage him with my eyes, others follow suit. It is as if they are looking to his wife for their cue. Also, with the kids, I am trying more and more to back up his instructions, even if I initially disagree. If there is something I want to address, I address it later...in private.


TAMMY

I'm from Alabama and for those who don't know Alabama/Auburn rivalries are very intense here. My family is for Alabama and my husband is a big Auburn fan. So this past year when we watched "the big game" together, I wore an Auburn shirt. When my family asked why I was being a traitor, I told them that I am supporting my husband. My hubby later told me that shirt was sexier than any lingerie he'd ever seen. It really made an impression on him that I would respect him enough in front of others to wear his favorite team colors. I was so happy that I made him happy!


ROBIN

I noticed Tammy said her "family" was for Alabama, not that she was. I think it is important to choose your husband over your family. I know the Bible tells husbands to " leave" their families and cleave to their wives but I think the principle is important for wives too. Now if she had said SHE was an Alabama fan and she did this....I'd say that was dishonest and perhaps a bit manipulative. We should be careful not to equate repression and hiding our true selves with respect or submission. It just keeps intimacy from our marriage. I recommend reading Hiding from Love by John Townsend.


FAYE

A tip from an engaged couple...

Not married yet, but the wedding is in about 8 months and oh my gosh is God already teaching me about respect.

My tip is...don't, don't assume anything and listen.

I grew up in a house where my mom (a Christian) and my dad (non-Christian) have a unique marriage. I love my dad, but he's not the motivated, take care of things type of person. From childhood, someone else (whither it was his mom, the military, or my mom) seems to have always taken care of him. As a result, my mom has had to become very independent within their marriage and make decisions for them both.

Yesterday I was talking with my fiance about a random topic. We both had very different ideas on a simple issue. And though I do respect his ideas and opinions, I realized later (and asked for forgiveness) that my language and attitude didn't show that respect.

You see somehow I was treating him like I'm used to treating my dad, and how I've seen my mom treat my dad (which is to basically assume that he can't take care of certain situations).

It was an eye-opener of how much my relationship with my dad also influences my behavior with my fiance. I am praying that God will change me and open my ears to listen.


DAWN

The one I do is I don't correct him in front of our children. If he has not heard our daughter say she is sorry for something or he is misunderstanding her, I don't say that in front of her. I tell him alone! And I do it in just 2 maybe at the most 3 sentences and then leave it alone. Always in a quiet tone and always after prayer, sometimes after praying hard.


CHERRYL

My way of showing respect for my husband is remembering that we are two very different personalities. I am much more type A and my husband is very laid back no hurry no worry. While this stresses me out often, I try to ask myself a few questions when I find myself getting upset with him... 1.) Is there a time limit to get this project done? 2.) Is it going to hurt anything if I let him do it his way in his time? and 3.) What did I learn while he was doing it his way and in his time, or WILL/ MIGHT I learn something if I slow down and do things his way? I've found that often when I slow down and do things in his time and with him, that God often is speaking to me and I was to busy to listen... He spoke to me through my husbands actions


MELVA

When I started drawing closer to the Lord in prayer and reading my Bible, I started getting a self-righteous attitude towards my husband because I thought I knew more than he did. I thought I was "helping" by trying to get him to pray more and read his Bible more and go with me to conferences and revivals. But the more I pushed the harder he pushed back. He was already a Christian but I wanted him to grow in the Lord like me. The Lord spoke rather severely to me one day and told me my husband was His child and that He could raise him, thank you very much, and for me to keep my mouth shut! When I did that and just showed him love and respect, my husband grew in the Lord by leaps and bounds. God really can raise His own children and the best way to help is just to show love and respect, not self-righteousness.


JENNY

I always make it possible for all of his friends to share in our lives - especially the unchurched friends. They all know they are welcome. I feed them and give them their guy space so they will feel comfortable here. My husband and I have been together since highschool (17 years) and not judging his friends has lead to an incredible bond in our relationship. They often tell him what a great marriage they think we have and this increases his love for me. There are rules about language and activity but they are in turn respectful of those rules. It is also teaching our kids to accept different people in life. So many of them have occassionally attended church with us, they pray with us at meals, and have asked questions about our faith - especially in times of crisis. I trust him with ALL of his friends and he knows that I have faith he will do the right thing and has never let me down.


TARA

The best way that I know how to respect my husband is to follow the "golden rule". To treat him how I would like to be treated. Chances are if it's something that I would or would not appreciate him saying, doing, etc to me the same is true for my actions. And as you have already mentioned, a simple, "What do you think?" goes a long way.


JENNIFER

One way I show respect for my husband is to try to do the things that are important to him. He likes the bed made and it doesn't matter to me either way, but I try to make the bed because it's important to him. Same thing with other things around the house. I'm not as concerned with decluttering as he is, but I really try to make sure that my "clutter" is only on my desk and not interfering with his space.


ELISABETH

I too have found that entertaining my husbands friends, which come from all walks of life is a great way to show love and respect to my husband. He has been single for 15 years after a divorce ... and then I came along and was THE ONE! Anyway as anyone can imagine this changes the dynamics of guy friendships. When dating, all of his guy friends respected me and liked me, never treated me like a "threat" or anything like that. Now that 2 years have gone by, I still love and embrace his friends. When the "boys" come over to watch movies or sports, I make special treats for them, like sausage balls, rice crispy treats, etc.. even staying up really late to hang out. I (we) also encourage them to stay the night so not to drive home late ... then make breakfast in the morning. These 30 and 40 something year old bachelors think it's great and like to call us the "(family name) B&B!"


JENNY

I have always tried very hard to show my respect and admiration for my husband to my daughter. I compliment him in front of him, and also just to my daughter, on how handsome, sweet or smart he is, how much I love him, and how hard he works at his job and for us. Now that she is old enough, she loves to compliment her daddy as well, and I know he loves seeing my respect reproduced in our daughter. I also pray that this will help her respect her own husband one day.


LINDA

My husband and I just returned last night from a 10 day vacation to Florida. It truly amazes me to see the hand of God orchestrate what He knows a heart is ready to hear. My husband and I flew from central NY to Fort Myers Florida just to go to the Love and Respect Conference of Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and now I get home and tackle the bundle of emails that have amassed my inbox and read "generous tip" after tip that you have sent out. The conference was such a blessing for both my husband and myself and now to have you add to the confirmation of what the LORD has been speaking into my heart. This is just what the LORD would have me work on for a time such as this. While praying before going to the conference the LORD impressed upon my heart that "respect requires humility" and that thought alone moved me to tears. I had to confess that I have not had much of a humble respect toward my husband and consider it a miracle that he has put up with me for the past 29 years. I have always been secure in the knowing that my husband loves me but I was so far off course in the respect area that it shocked me. I have read the book and am looking forward to adopting a more respectful attitude toward my husband.


AILENE

We feel so blessed to have each found someone to share this later part of life with. One thing I do is to remember and respect his love for his deceased wife. I listen to his laments and cherish his children as I think she would have done. I encourage him to be involved with his children and family and to remember them on important and not so important occasions. Love is big enough for two families and the more we give the more there will be for all of us.

I try very hard to remember the things my deceased husband said about love and trust and to apply them now that I have this "second chance" at life with another wonderful human being.


SYLVIA

One way I show my husband respect is to always say thank you when we go out to eat. Seems kind of petty especially if the wife works too, as the money is part hers. But he always puts his arm around me or squeezes my hand tighter and says I am very welcome! I treat it just as I would having a friend buy us dinner.

I no longer work put of the home but for the first nine years of our marriage I did, and most of that nine years (we have been married 15 in June) mine was the only income as my husband was still in school making us a better life. At that time I would pay the bills (my job) and then because we only deposit what we need to write out the bill checks, I pull out the rest in cash to budget for two weeks. I have always handed the cash to him, even when it was my pay check. This is not something he has ever insisted on, nor would he. And even then when he took me to a restaurant or just bought me Taco Bell, I always said "Thank-you for dinner."

The same holds true for any other thing he buys for me personally or for the house, even cleaning products...LOL He pays and as we leave or as we are getting into the car I say, "Thank-you for getting this stuff."


LINDA

My dear husband is not a believer. I used to nag him about going to church and all that did was drive a great big wedge between us. Needless to say, I realized that isn't the way to do things. I began to just pray about it and ask God to show him things or to put situations in our lives so that he will know that God is present in our lives. I also find myself some nights when I can't sleep, laying hands on my husband and praying for him. He thinks I am just trying to snuggle up close to him. He has even recently opened up and shared with me why he has "reservations" about church and Christianity.

That is a far cry from what his response would have been if I had decided to keep nagging and being totally disrespectful towards him!


DEBBIE

I was in the line at the grocery store when an interesting thing happened. The man was in the line behind me and his wife told him over the chocolate bar display (rather publically) that he had left the debit card in the car. As he began to take the groceries off of the counter she reached out to him with a twenty in her hand and said "I have money". As she walked away he said under his breath "you are something else". I wish I had the opportunity to talk to her about showing respect to the man she loves. The moral of this story is DO NOT shame your husband, ever and especially in public!


ALISON

This morning I lay down beside my four year old little boy, and he kept putting his little arms around me, and asking for kisses and hugs, patting me on the back. I realized something, that we as humans, especially males, little or big, NEED touch to feel reassured that they are loved! They NEED it, not just want it. When our kids are young they constantly want you to hold them and cuddle them, it makes them feel needed and loved, as we get older, that need doesn't diminish. As women, we tend to have other needs that need to be met, and we view the man's need for physical touch, as some sort of primal, never ending desire, but the truth is, they depend on us for that physical/emotional bonding that only we can provide.


AIMEE

I try to show respect for my husband and his schedules and activities. If someone needs a favor or wants to schedule an activity with our family or with my husband, I never make definite plans. I always say, "I'll check with my husband." I NEVER volunteer my husband for anything, even if I know it is something I suspect that he would love to do. I don't presume to plan his schedule for him.


LINDA

Before we were married, my husband and I began referring to each other as "Sir" and "Ma'am" when we spoke. It started because my brother was trying to teach his step-son to respect his mother, but it became so natural to us and it sounded so much better than other forms of address that we both continued it. For example, instead of replying with "yeah?" or "what?" when addressed, I reply with "Sir?" If asked a question, the answer might be "yes, sir" or "no, sir". It is a simple statement and sounds so respectful that it is easy to remember that I DO respect this man.

Friends seem amazed that I speak to my husband with such respect. Recently, I slipped into old habits (just once) and shocked myself with the way "yeah" sounded when addressing my precious husband. I would never allow one of the kids to sound so disrespectful to their father, so why shouldn't I model the same respect?


BRENDA

My husband recently left his job, a move which I supported wholeheartedly. (He was being asked to work in a completely different line of business for his boss, and we were not comfortable with the moral aspects of that business.) At any rate, he is now at home, spending most of his time looking for new employment. Much to my surprise, he has shown a great deal of interest in the energy industry, and has been reading articles and ads related to coal mining. Based on something he's read in the paper or in a trade journal, he will blurt out "How would you like to move to Mongolia (or Colombia or Congo or Wyoming)? There are good opportunities in copper there!" There was a time in my not too distant past when I would have responded with "What? Are you crazy? Please get serious about the job search and don't waste time on ridiculous ventures like that." Then I remembered that that was absolutely the wrong thing to do. If he can't dream now, then when? I have learned to smile and talk about the possibility. While my husband hasn't said anything about my new approach, I know what a damper a negative response on my part would put on his willingness to share his thoughts with me.


MELODY

The one thing that I have been made aware of is the impact my actions of respect for my husband has on other individuals. Both my husband and I have had married couples come up to us and tell us what a great positive example we are to them.

Both my husband and I ride Harley Davidson Motorcycles and on long trips they do tend to collect road grime and other unwanted items. We stayed overnight in a Hotel and the next morning most of the men were out washing their motorcycles and there I was. I wanted a clean bike and knew that my husband would like his clean as well. The reactions that I received were very mixed. Many of the women who eventually ventured out of their rooms stated "don't let my husband see you cleaning your husband's motorcycle, mine will want me to start helping." I could only respond that it is a great way to bless your husband and build a stronger relationship.

We never know who is watching and learning from our actions.


PEPPER

Every morning when my husband is about to leave for work, I ask him if there was anything that he wanted me to do for him throughout that day. Usually he asks me to call some company and take care of a bill, or go pick something up from the store, little things. This has worked wonders for us because there was a time when I couldn't remember what he needed done all the time, and kept asking him to remind me. Now, at the beginning of each day I have an agenda. And I try to do what he asks for me to do before I do anything personal. This lets my husband know that I am doing everything I can to help him in every way.


KATE

Nearly every evening before my husband comes home from work, I make myself pretty for him. A trace of blush, some eyeliner, lipstick, comb my hair and change from "work" clothes to something pretty, usually a skirt and a blouse (sometimes ... less). It is my way of saying "you are important to me". On the days I don't get to this in time (I still go and do it) I get a double take from him - he never says anything but that look tells me he noticed.

It's a simple thing, one he apparently appreciates and it takes no more than 2 minutes.


WENDY

I have a thought about respect. My husband and I have been taking beginner's ballroom dance lessons. I have a bad habit of "leading", because I knew some of the dances already, while he was a rank beginner. Because of his uncertainty, his lead is not very strong! Our instructor, bless her heart, is very good at "catching" me trying to lead (I promise I don't mean to!). She told me last time that I have to let him lead - even if he goes the wrong way. I have to let him lead, even if she gives us the count-down for the first step in the dance, I'm not to start until HE leads me to start. It's not easy for me, but it is very rewarding, as I see him grow in confidence. As he becomes more confident in his leading, the dance becomes more fun for both of us!


BEVERLY

I get up about an hour and a half earlier then my husband. So, to allow him to sleep longer, I get ready for work in the spare bedroom. Several months ago I moved my clothes and makeup and other essentials into the spare room out of respect for him. He did not ask me to move the clothes or did he ever complain about me waking him early with my rising early. I have recently even started taking showers in the other bathroom. I know that he needs more sleep than I do. I love that he is rested and healthy. The Lord willing this will help him be with me a great deal longer. This is just one of the ways I can help in that endeavor. And I believe he appreciates that small gesture of love and respect.


MARIE-EVE

I wanted to share something that happened last night that was prompted by the recent "how to respect your husband" tips. A few months ago, my husband became an electrician and he has been working on his first big project, entirely wiring a huge house. He's been really excited about it and talks about it a lot. I'm not a big fan of electrical work, but because of the Generous WIfe tips, I am learning to show an interest because I want to honor my husband in what he enjoys. So yesterday, he asked me if I would consider going to see the work he has done. When I said that I would love to, he became as excited as a little boy opening a present! He was like, "Really, you would do that for me?!!" And I said that I would be honored to. So thank you for all the tips, it blesses me and blesses my husband. :)


FATIMA

I think one of the best ways to show my husband respect is for me to respect myself.

By working as hard as I can to have an outstanding career, behave professionally, and compassionately, and get the admiration of my colleagues, the respect that I receive is also associated to him. When they meet my husband, my coworkers may think, "He's Fatima's husband, he must be a pretty good guy. She certainly wouldn't be married to someone who was not."

By taking care of my body, getting appropriate exercise, making low fat, nutritious meals for the both of us, I feel good about myself, and how I look. By making sure I remain healthy and strong, I'm respecting myself and showing my husband that I want to provide him with the best that I can be, for decades to come. (Not to mention that feeling good about my body makes it easy for me to be regularly intimate with my husband.)

Using a proactive method to deal with any problems that I might experience such as stress, or frustration, by seeing a counselor if I need to, shows my husband that I care deeply about my emotional health and work hard to remain positive even in difficult circumstances. This has a direct impact on our relationship.

By taking the time to respect your own body, emotions, spirit and work priorities, by respecting your own person, and loving yourself ­ that shows tremendous respect to your husband. Being married to a woman who feels good about her intellect, her body and her emotions, makes him feel good about himself and our relationship. If I am happy, he can feel good that he is helping to make me happy, that he helps to provide an environment that I greatly enjoy, and cherish.

Imagine how you would feel if your husband didn't respect himself. If he slumped around all day, was constantly miserable, stressed out or in bad mood, didn't care about his health or job. That equates to disrespect to you. That would show he does not feel the need to make an effort to give himself or you his best.

I respect my husband by respecting myself, and loving myself, and making a conscious effort to give him my very best at all times. It is good for the both of us if I am at my best. I respect his choice to have married me, and do what I can to make him feel good and confident about that choice every day, because I know that I'm a pretty good woman to have married, and I show him that by loving myself and being a wife and woman he can always feel proud to have.


JESSICA

One way I try to show respect for my husband is to not contradict him in front of others. If he says something to someone that is not accurate I try to tell him privately rather than correct him in front of others.

I also find it important when it comes to our children to show him respect in the home. I want them to respect their father, and if they see me respecting him then they will learn (I hope). If he tells them something that I don't agree with I still abide by his word on it. If I think it is really wrong I will talk to him privately and he may or may not change his mind but I don't challenge his authority in front of them.


SHERYL

My respect tip is that I try to participate in those things that I know my husband enjoys. My husband's room is the garage. It is almost like having a game room at home. He has a fooseball table, darts, a computer to play online poker and now he has an air hockey game. I used to complain and be miserable because he spent all his time out there playing with his friends. I finally decided to stop feeling sorry for myself, when I reflected back on his many nights out at the bar playing for hours on end. At least he was at home playing now. Then I decided to take some interest in the games and started learning how to play. Some of the guys have commented to my husband how they wish their wives would take an interest too. The one thing I do insist on, and they all try to comply, is that they control their tongues while I am among them. They do have a tendency to let filthy words fly, but I always correct them and they are getting better. My husband tells me how much he loves that I participate, and we get to spend some quality time together, instead of separated by walls.


LYNELLE

My husband has been working to complete requirements for his pilot's license. I don't know if I will ever have the courage to fly with him, but I have shown him respect and support by driving him to another city to take his written test, telling him I am proud of him for passing the test and then taking him out for a celebration lunch. I know my husband really wants to fly and even though I don't share his passion, I do respect his desires and support his efforts.


ADZOA

Most of us grew up learning how to say things like 'thank you' and 'you're welcome', and even when we do use it, it is often used not knowing the weight or the impact it may have on the recipient. During my 7 years of marriage, I've always thought that I respected my husband more than some other wives. Yet, after these 7 years, I realized with a shock that I had not been respecting him nearly enough. So, to combat that, the first thing I did was begin to pray for the marriages of friends, loved ones, church family members. When you pray for others, God moves mightily in the same or similar area of your life. Next, I took my grubby little hands off the reins of the household. I purposefully got out of his way and allowed him passage into his rightful place as head of my household. It may come as a shock, but I was immediately relieved and I felt as if I'd lost 50 lbs on the 'stop being so stubborn diet'! Then, to make matters even better, I began to give him praise for every successful thing he did, from fixing something in the house to not burning the toast. I do it everyday, because telling him how much he's blessed me or how much I appreciate him brings about a change in his behavior to me as well. He simply ... Blooms!! He becomes more eager to do 'the little things' just to see me smile. So, slowly and surely things have transformed from a give/take, take/give relationship to a give/give relationship. It changes into the original format of marriage ... a loving partnership. God Bless You!


RHONDA

My husband and I have a blended family. We have custody of all 6 of our children. He feels that one of the most important ways I show respect for him is that I stand by his decision in disciplining the children. He appreciates that if I feel he has been too harsh or doesn't know all the details, I wait until we are alone to discuss this with him. I also encourage the older children (who are 13, 14, and 15) to discuss it with him if they feel the discipline is unfair. He is willing to listen to me and them, and has changed disciplinary measures when the situation warranted it.


LINDA

My husband is really into cars. In the summer he goes to car shows almost every saturday. They are really boring and all day long in the hot heat. I go with him though. Not only am I there with him but when we walk around and look at all the cars I ask him questions. I try and guess the years of the cars. It makes him excited when I do that. He knows that I really am trying to be involved in his life. Then he will start to tell me of his dreams for different cars and actively listen. I even remember them so that next week when I see something like what he was talking about I can point it out. It makes the car shows a lot less boring!


TONYA

Several years ago my husband had a one time affair, and we have worked through that. We have a healthy growing marriage. I wish that I could just remove all of those feelings and emotions so that they would never come to my mind. But I have come to realize that when those things come back to mind, I can do one of two things. I can allow them to hurt me all over again and sulk (not Gods plan). Or, I can use those times to reflect on how our marriage was then. It was not good and I am partly to blame for that, I was not keeping my husband happy like I should have been. I can see things that I was or wasn't doing and double check my marriage now and see if there are areas that I need to be working on more. God truely has taken something that Satan meant for bad and given us life, a good marriage, and a great family. As a respect tip ... There are many times that I would like to bring up issues concerning that horrible time but out of respect for my husband I don't. He doesn't want to relive that anymore than I do.


CRISSY

I found an AWESOME book on how to get off the 'Crazy Cycle' of unloving and disrepecting and into an 'Energizing Cycle' of love and respect between spouses. You may have heard of it, I just joined your email tips. Its called Love and Respect; The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Despereately Needs by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. I found I was LOVING my husband in various ways but disrespecting him in ALOT of ways. Mostly in my tone of voice. Once I started naming to my husband the ways I totally respect and appreciate him, he got more and more tender. We also met with a counselor to deal with various ways we communicate. But this 'respecting' tip was the best by far. I found I could love and love on my dear husband and not much would happen (like the honey dos and words of affirmation) but when I started verbalizing respect he was drawn to me and wanted to help me with our new baby and chores around the house. So respecting is the primary goal. For men it's the key to their heart. Try it, I know you'll love the results!!!!


KIM

How I show my husband respect is that I am always thinking of ways that I can help him, even before he thinks of it ... LOL this can be fun at times. But the main thing I do is since he is now on day shift and I work in my home I will stop my work 1 hr. before he gets home and I will go through the house and make sure it is picked up and most importantly I make sure when he gets home he can relax. The kids know not to ask daddy to do anything with them until after he has been home for 1/2 hr. I want this time to be relaxing and peaceful for him. I know my husband likes a kept home, but he knows too that I have my work to get done too. But I make it a priority to stop so that he will feel respected when he walks through that door. I will also stay up with him at night and watch a show he wants to watch (even though I don't care for that show). He has told me how he appreciates me spending time with him. :) In the past I didn't think this really mattered to him, but it really does mean alot to him.

God has really worked in our lives and in our marriage. Praise God!!!




back to article page