20 MINUTES OF PRAYER
(originally posted April 7, 2013)

I was wandering around on Pinterest and came across an amazing idea I’d like to share with you.

Traci Michele of Ordinary Inspirations shared ~ 10 Things Praying For Your Husband Does For You (do take the time to read it through).

Thursday Throwback - 20 Minutes of Prayer

While she shares some great perspectives about how prayer changes you, her concluding idea jumped out at me as something very doable (and is totally brilliant).

At the top of each hour, spend 2 minutes praying for him {specifically}.  Do this between the hours of 8 am and 5 pm (give or take depending on your schedule). THAT’S 20 MINUTES A DAY!

So many times the busyness of the day can run us over, but two minutes now and then is very doable. Even if you can only break for one minute you are still creating the habit of routinely lifting your husband up in prayer and over the course of the day that’s a lot of prayer on his behalf.

So set your phone to beep on the hour or leave reminders where you will see them often. Build the habit of spending bits of time during the day to pray for your husband.

Prayer is not merely an occasional impulse to which we respond when we are in trouble: prayer is a life attitude.  Walter A. Mueller

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God to help you develop the habit of praying for your husband.

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Calm.Healthy.Sexy.: 4 Simple Ways to Reduce Stress in Your Life and Marriage Lovely practical advice.

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The Generous Husband: Being Outdoors is Healing I’m going to go hug a tree.

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My sweetie recently wrote a post on backing our trailer and I realized that I missed the perfect word picture for sharing about communication.

When you marry you each have a language. You may use the same words, but how you use them and what they mean to you can be quite different. It takes time and effort to find ways to bridge the gap, to build a common language.

When Paul and I started our RV trip, parking was tricky. If I said, “pull to the right,” what exactly did that mean? My right? His right? How much? and so forth.

A Common Language

I had never driven with a trailer (Paul had) and, believe me, backing with a trailer is different that simply backing a car into the driveway. So we experimented with words until we understood each other. We asked questions. We broke our words down and tried other words. (We also learned that phones don’t work because there can be a few seconds delay (“Stop … stop, stop, stop!”) We use walkie talkies.)

It’s taken awhile, but now Paul and I can back a trailer slick as a whistle. We have a new and common language that makes it possible. He understands what “pull to the right a bit” means and I understand what he needs to maneuver and set up the trailer.

The same can be done with finances, sex, parenting, or any subject. It requires enough discussion to work through your words and perspectives. Ask questions. Try different words. Use word pictures.

It’s worth the effort to create a common language that you both understand. Less confusion. More results.

To be able to ask a question clearly is two-thirds of the way to getting it answered.  John Ruskin

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God to help you and your husband speak and listen well.

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Hot, Holy & Humorous: It’s True: Porn Can Kill Your Sex Life Research is rolling in and it agrees with the Word.

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Unclutterer: Five things to keep in your car Useful items to have on hand ~ for safety and comfort.

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Image credit © Paul H Byerly
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Are you on any kind of social media?

Instagram Influence

Be a marriage positive voice whenever you can.

You don’t have to shout it from the rooftops, but do speak positively of your husband. Link to things that are marriage positive. Nix the man bashing. Encourage your friends to invest their time and energy in their marriage.

My husband is so sweet. He made me coffee this afternoon. My own personal barista!
Here’s a great article on flirting with your man!
Happy Anniversary, Jessica and Joe! The best is yet to be!

The impact you have on your circle of friends is more powerful than you know.

Setting an example is not the main means of influencing another, it is the only means.  Albert Einstein

Paul and I had the chance to visit with Gaye (of Calm.Healty.Sexy) and her husband. Great pizza, lovely conversation, and a liberal dose of Southern hospitality. Check out her blog for practical, doable ways of building your marriage.

Dan, Gaye, Lori & Paul

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God to show you little ways you can encourage your friends in their marriage journey.

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Life Of Joy: Be Considerate Look for those opportunities to love on your man.

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To Love, Honor and Vacuum: 5 Keys to Great Sex After Menopause A helpful guest post from OB-GYN Dr. Carol Peters-Tanksley.

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Tidy Up

May 2, 2016

in the generous life

For those in the Raleigh, North Carolina area, Paul and I will be meeting with folks in the picnic table area near the concessions at Lake Wheeler Park (6404 Lake Wheeler Road, Raleigh, NC) at 5pm on Friday, May 6th. It’s a casual time of discussion and Q&A. Bring a picnic meal or buy from nearby concessions. Bring comfortable chairs if you like.

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Recently my husband and I spent a couple of days as guests in the home of new friends (thanks John & Camie for your gracious hospitality!).

We packed up a few things and left our RV in a nearby camp. We were in a bit of a rush because we had dashed into town and were planning to be at their home for dinner. Let’s just say I left my home in a bit of disarray.

It’s amazing how messiness or clutter can transfer to feelings and attitudes. It seems to add stress to everything I do.

Tidy Up

I spent the first day back home, cleaning, putting things away, doing laundry, and generally setting things to rights.

There is a certain amount of mess that is necessary for life and creativity, but a relatively neat and clean home can go a long way to making folks settle in and relax.

Not a bad way to bless your husband (you too!)

Exactness and neatness in moderation is a virtue, but carried to extremes narrows the mind.  Francois Fenelon

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God to help you figure out a reasonable standard for neat and clean for your home.

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Home Storage Solutions 101: Ideas And Organization Tips This is one of my favorite household organizing sites.

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Stupendous Marriage: 94 Ways to Initiate Sex with your Spouse Paul and I had lunch with Stu and totally forgot to take a picture (major bummer). At any rate, it’s lovely to see Stu posting again after a hiatus.

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For gals in the West Palm Beach area of Florida: Check out Ladies Night Out with Dr. Juli Slattery on Friday, June 3rd. It’s worth attending! (Click on the link for info.)

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Paul and I have a good marriage. Most days I would even say we have a great marriage.

However, there’s always the temptation to sit in the “good” and not go for the “great.” It takes more effort and thought. You risk shaking up the good in the process. I mean good is good. What’s wrong with that?

Having tasted the “great,” I have to say that “great” blesses more, heals more, and feels so much more satisfying than “good.”

Good to Great

I’m not saying that “good” is somehow wrong (there are days when “good” is a miracle), it’s just that “great” is worth the effort.

Appreciate the “good.” Thank God for the “good,” but ask Him to help you continue to grow and change for the better. Learn to communicate clearly. Be intentional with your kindness and generosity. Make the effort to improve in your marriage skills.

Good is the enemy of great.  James C Collins

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God to give you a hunger to grow your marriage.

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Image credit © Lori Byerly
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You have 24 hours in each day.

What people and things are important to you? Be sure you make time for those first and learn to say no to less important things.

Kill the Busy Monster

Our culture pulls us into too much busyness which in turn is trashing our marriages and other relationships.

Look at your plans for next week. What is very important (it stays on the calendar)? What could be cancelled (put a line through it) or postponed/delegated (make a note so you’ll remember later)?

Beware the barrenness of a busy life.  Socrates

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God to help you sort out your priorities and say “yes” and “no” appropriately.

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Becoming Minimalist: Compliments are Free It just takes a moment to bless someone.

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Happy Home Fairy: Fun Ways to Text Your Husband For a bit of spice.

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Paul and I are donation supported. You can give to our support through The Marriage Bed, Inc. (tax deductible giving for US folks). Thanks so much for your prayers and support. print out for checks Razoo Paypal (Please mention “Paul & Lori” when donating through Paypal. )

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This week I must have said “good girls don’t like sex” like a bazillion times (several discussion groups). In each group we landed on the topic of bad sexual messages and that’s the first one that popped into my head. Apparently that’s at the top of most folks’ lists because I was surrounded by bobble heads, everyone nodding agreement.

Well, it’s time we debunked the lie.

Good Girls Like Sex

God made us sexual beings and He made it so that sex feels good. I figure He is the creator and He gets to set the standard.

Then He gave us a safe, warm relationship with a hunky husband and said “Go for it!”

I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride; I have gathered my myrrh with my spice. I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; I have drunk my wine and my milk. Eat, friends, and drink; drink your fill of love.  Song of Songs  5:1 NIV

That last part is God talking.

Our culture has a number of messages geared to keep us from liking sex (sex is dirty so good girls shouldn’t want it, sex is for guys) and we either don’t expect to like it or fear we might like it and ignore our arousal. And life gives us plenty of opportunity to damage our ability to engage in good sex with our husband (when we are wounded, make mistakes, or sin, sex becomes shameful or hurtful which colors our ability to enjoy sex and we don’t like it).

As believers we need to give God the chance to talk us back into truth, to heal our wounds, and help us open up to engage sexually with our spouse. This is typically a process of learning and healing. Soak up the Word, read from marriage and sex friendly resources, and hang with friends who are on the same journey of living His truth.

Here are some helpful resources.

Forgiven Wife – learning to dance with desire
Hot, Holy & Humorous – Sex & Marriage, by God’s Design
Intimacy in Marriage – Encouraging Christian Women toward Healthy Sexual Intimacy
Bonny’s OysterBed7 – Helping Low-Libido Wives
Marriage Book Library | Married Sexuality & Sexual Issues – a collection of good books

Ladies, please believe God and agree with His truth. Good girls like sex.

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God to help you and your husband enjoy His good gift of sex.

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The Generous Husband: Grown-up and Loving It! Have fun with your hubby man!

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The Art of Simple: The truth about hospitality Make room in your heart.

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