Recently, I’ve have a number of conversations with folks who are worried about doing something wrong in the bedroom. They love God, don’t want to sin, but haven’t taken the time to sound out what’s OK and what’s not for married Christians.
I figured they are probably not the only ones struggling with this, so it seemed like a good time to repost this blog post From The Generous Wife archive:
Lately it seems that I’ve heard a number of gals say something like, “I’m just not sexual.” At first thought, I wanted to let them know (graciously, of course) that they were believing a lie. After more thought, though, I realized that while a few may be actually denying their own sexuality, most were making a statement about rejecting a specific idea of what sexuality is. They didn’t like any particular sexual model that they had seen, so they assumed they were not sexual. (“I’m not like the ladies in the movies, I’m not like my friends, … I guess I’m just not sexual.”)
The model of sexuality that our culture throws at us is often very distorted and not so very healthy. If that were my only option, I think I might opt out too! Thankfully we have another option ~ we can adopt biblical guidelines and have fun with our sweetie within the safety of those boundaries.
Your marriage is a playground. The fence around the playground is the collection of guidelines that God has given us about sex. What happens on your marriage playground is about your choices and preferences as a couple. It’s perfectly safe and you can be sexual and have creative fun with your husband.
THE FENCE (some biblical guidelines)
We are to abstain from immoral sex. (unmarried sex, adultery, homosexuality, bestiality, incest, etc.)
We are to have sex only in marriage; one man with one woman.
We are to lovingly meet the legitimate sexual needs and wants of our spouse.
We need to avoid anything which can cause serious harm. (physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.)
We should never push our spouse to compromise their beliefs.
We are not to be controlled by anything.
WHAT’S ON YOUR PLAYGROUND?
~ anything you both want that will benefit your sense of intimacy and oneness as a couple.
If someone had said that to me a few years back I think I would have given them a blank stare (or blushed and mumbled at my shoelaces). I wouldn’t have even known where to start other than missionary position in the dark. And, you know, that would be a fine place to start. I don’t mean to speak ill of small beginnings. The point is that you want to grow your playground to the point where you both feel loved and wanted, where you enjoy the pleasures of sex that God intended for couples to share. Start with what you know and, a bit at a time, explore and add a thing or two.
Do not buy into the culture’s view of sex or dump your sexuality because sex is dumb, evil, scary or not for you. Adopt God’s view and enjoy the pleasure of sex with your husband.
Drink and imbibe deeply, O lovers. Song of Songs 5:1b NAS
Prayer Prompt ♥ Ask God to help you and your husband develop a mutually enjoyable sex life.
The Generous Husband: Babies and Happiness First babies can be stressful. Build reasonable expectations and plan to keep your marriage strong.
Hot, Holy & Humorous: Is Your Husband A Liar? Insightful post from guest author Debi Walter of The Romantic Vineyard.
Image credit © Eugenio Marongiu / DollarPhotoClub
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