Growing Up

October 1, 2014

in the generous life

 One of the kindest things you can do for your spouse is grow up.  Lori Byerly 

I’ve said this a few times and the longer I live and the more I experience, the more I believe it to be true.

My husband just finished a series on growing up on The Generous Husband and mentioned it on The XY Code. I figured it was my turn to speak out a bit.

I was an immature mess when I married my sweetie. We had so much baggage and not a clue as to how to be happily married. Thankfully God is great about taking us from where we are to where we need to be. My life has been an ongoing journey of learning, healing and growing up.

I’ve learned a great deal from watching others. I ask questions. I pray. I try new things and practice what works. I read … a lot. The process is bumpy, but it’s worth the time and effort. I’m handling life better and I’m easier to live with (or so my hubbie says).

I don’t know that I have any clear advice, other than there are people who are more mature that you can watch, talk to and learn from. You can pray and try different things (the ol’ trial and error thing). And, of course, you can read.

Two of my favorite resources:

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: It’s Impossible to Be Spiritually Mature, While Remaining Emotionally Immature
by Peter Scazzero   Paperback  Kindle  Workbook

Changes That Heal: How to Understand Your Past to Ensure a Healthier Future
by Henry Cloud    Paperback  Kindle  Workbook


Prayer Prompt  Ask God to show you where you need to grow up.


To Love, Honor and Vacuum: What’s the Real Divorce Rate? The Good News About Marriage There’s good news about marriage out there, and we need to listen and spread the word.


Paul and I are donation supported. If you feel lead, you can give to our support through The Marriage Bed, Inc. (tax deductible giving for US folks). Please mention “Paul & Lori” when donating through Paypal and JustGive. Thanks so much for your prayers and support.  Razoo  Paypal  JustGive


Image credit © Sjhuls |


randomCongratulations Lisa!
As the 40th poster in the Share Your Hobbie contest, you are the winner of a copy of One Zentangle a Day (or the marriage book of your choice).


The list of hobbies shared from the recent contest was so fun, I thought I would do an overview so folks looking for a new hobby would have something to work with. I’m inspired to try something new too! (I may try to turn out a few cards (with Zentangle on them, of course) or I might try my hand at jewelry making.)

Here’s the list of hobbies, followed by a few bits of hobby advice and a question from a generous wife (please answer as a comment if you have advice to share).

jewelry making
refinishing furniture
working on/restoring cars/motorcycles

gardening, veggies and flowers
keeping chickens
making cheese/yogurt

playing musical instruments
writing songs
doing jigsaw puzzles/word puzzles

needlework (embroidery, cross stitch, etc.)

Zentangle (so fun to hear from fellow tanglers!)
painting (tole, one stroke, etc.)
scrapbooking/making cards
graphic design

outdoor crossfit
adult kickball

riding motorcycles
bird watching

garage sailing (that’s what they’re calling it now)
dog training
running a business together
watching sports
playing video games

A bit of advice:

Hobbies are important. You have to make time for them.

If you need help there is a lot of free instruction online.

If you have trouble settling on something to do because there are so many options, Barbara Sher was listed as a resource.

Hobby hint: find something that gets you excited, or something that relaxes you. These can actually be the same thing, especially if you get excited about making things for others, and the making of those things relaxes you!

And a question:

Does anybody know how to keep up with a hobby while taking care of a husband, home, and little child?


Prayer Prompt  Ask God to help you find a new hobby or personal interest.


howsyourlovelife: Roof Repair Work on your marriage before the crisis hits.


Unveiled Wife: Competing With A Memory Five ways to build a healthy marriage when marrying a widower.


Images courtesy of stockimages and Simon Howden /


Garbage In?

September 29, 2014

in the generous life

What are you feeding your mind? Is it marriage positive?

What kind of movies and TV shows do you watch?
What kind of books do you read?
Are the sermons you hear marriage positive?
What kind of marriage attitudes are expressed by your friends?

They all have an impact on how you see your marriage. It stands to reason that you need healthy input to keep your marriage strong and your heart encouraged.

Make wise choices. 

Whatever you hold in your mind on a consistent basis is exactly what you’ll experience in your life.  Tony Robbins


Prayer Prompt  Ask God to help you find and choose more marriage positive “voices” to listen to.


Calm.Healthy.Sexy: If You Know It’s Wrong, Don’t Do It I love this practical advice.


Family Share: 10 ways you are being unfaithful to your spouse — and you don’t even know it Don’t let these creep into your marriage.


Image credit © Pera021 |


From The Generous Wife archive:

I was reading (a Costco mailer actually) and came across this quote by Dr. Ben Carson.

The only person who has the most to do with you is you.

Apart from being impressed by the guy in general, it just caught my eye because it fits with a concept that has greatly shaped my life and the generous concept.  A person’s life is hugely about the choices that they make.  Yes, others influence us and some choices are taken out of our hands, but for the most part, we have a huge amount of choice and we certainly get to choose how we will respond to the people and happenings in our lives.

As to generosity, it is a part of those life choices.  Being generous is not dependent on what others do, but rather on our hearts, who we choose to be and how we choose to act and speak.  It is a reflection of God working in us to make us look like Jesus.  So love on that tired, cranky husband.  Roll up your sleeves and help your neighbor clean up a flowerbed.  Ask God to show you ways to be generous and live that out with a song.

Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.  In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life. 1 Timothy 6:18-19 NIV


Prayer Prompt  Ask God to help you become a generous wife.


Image credit © Mikhail Lavrenov |


randomCongratulations Danielle!
As the 7th poster, you are the winner of a copy of The Passion Principles,


As a date night theme, pick some kind of activity or interest to explore through a number of dates.

For example, if you like movies, try out all the theaters in your neck of the woods. Do you like pumpkin pie? Have dessert dates all over town. You could try different tennis courts or look for the perfect park bench (some kissing required).

Depending on your city you could explore old hotels, museums or churches. You could explore wineries, coffee shops or Italian restaurants. 

Pick a theme and check out all the possibilities. You’ll have fun exploring and you may find some new favorites.

Adventure is worthwhile.  Aristotle


Prayer Prompt  Ask God for creative ideas for couple time that will work for you and your husband.


Marriage Gems: Words That Can Make or Break Your Marriage The science behind certain words.


Of The Hearth: Building a Home Management Binder that Works for You So many details in life! Gather them in one place for order and sanity.


Image credit © Christy Thompson |



September 26, 2014

in the generous life

Set your wake up alarm to go off 15-20 minutes earlier than normal.


Use the extra time to snuggle and love on your man.

Let’s make like fabric softener and snuggle.  Author Unknown


Prayer Prompt  Ask God to bless your mornings and make them a time of connection and intimacy.


The XY Code: Testing Boundaries (And a give-away) He’s got a boundary pushing drive + my husband is giving away a copy of The Passion Principles too!


Are you shopping online this week? Please start on the Shop and Support TGW page. It won’t change your purchase price, but I will receive a small commission.


Image credit © Yekophotostudio |


I’d like to share a bit about a good resource and an upcoming opportunity.

Shannon Ethridge is an author and advocate for healthy sexuality and spirituality. Over the years I’ve watched her tackle some of the toughest subjects with grace and insight. Awhile back I reviewed her book The Fantasy Fallacy and her new book The Passion Principles is on my to-read list.

I just found out that Shannon will be doing a Passion Principles Workshop for Women in California (Orange County) on October 10th-12th. If you are in the area, do consider taking advantage of this opportunity.

Passion Principles Workshop for Women
Where YOU can learn to:

Understand the Fluidity of Female Sexuality
Expose the Deeper Meaning Behind Your Own Sexual Thoughts
Overcome your negative body image issues
Find healing for past sexual abuse or promiscuity
Fully Integrate your Sexuality & Spirituality

Whether you’re younger or older, married or single,
The Passion Principles Workshop for Women will help YOU
experience Sexual and Emotional FREEDOM!

To register or find out more, click here.

And, just to make this a bit more interesting, I have a copy of her new book, The Passion Principles, to give away. Please leave a comment to this post about why you would like to read this book. I will pick a random number this Saturday (Sept 27th) and the poster in that spot will win a copy.

Learning is not attained by chance; it must be sought for with ardour and diligence.  Abigail Adams


Prayer Prompt  Ask God to help you grow in your understanding of your own sexuality.


Calm.Healthy.Sexy.: 3 Questions That Can Reduce Stress and Increase Calm in Your Life Smart perspectives for building a little sanity into your time use.


Unveiled Wife: Why Can’t I Spend My Money The Way I Want? Let God use your personal struggles to teach you about oneness.


Image courtesy of New Life,