LIFT THE LATCH
(originally posted April 19, 2013)

My sweetie, The Generous Husband, just did a great post on Gatekeeping

Gatekeeping is when you have a position of power over a given area in a relationship or situation and you are the one who chooses what will or will not be done. The term is usually used in a negative sense ~ a gatekeeper stops something that needs to be done so that others will recognize their position of power.

Thursday Throwback - Lift the Latch

The thing about all this is, if you act generously from your position of power, you can do an amazing amount of good. It’s incredibly healing to others when you meet them at their point of need, especially if you are the only one who can do so.

When you are talking about sex, you are your husband’s only legitimate sexual partner. When you are available you are an incredible blessing to him. It’s an act of acceptance and care that is particularly generous and healing.

Why not take a look at your marriage relationship and find those areas where you are potentially a gatekeeper. What areas of your relationship rely on your choice? Then choose to be a blessing and give generously.

Life is short and we have never too much time for gladdening the hearts of those who are travelling the dark journey with us. Oh be swift to love, make haste to be kind.  Henri-Frederic Amiel

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God to help you bless your husband at his point of need.

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The XY Code: He IS Sicker Than You Are! Women have the health advantage.

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The Forgiven Wife: 3 Ways a Vibrator Can Help Marital Intimacy A few pros and cons.

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Paul and I were able to attend Dan Allender’s Intimate Mystery conference (I highly, highly, highly recommend it).

I’m still processing everything (it was a bit like trying to drink from a fire hose), but I wanted to share something that stood out to me.

Dan spoke about a “contempt free marriage.” 

We tend to cover our fears, vulnerability, and shame with contempt as a cover maneuver. Our words get harsh or sarcastic. Or there’s an edge of a sneer in our voice.

Contempt Free Marriage

Dan and his wife take a time out whenever they hear contempt creep into their voices. Not a bad plan. Over the next few days, listen to yourself. When you start hearing contempt, take a small time out to snuggle up with God. Then step out with a gracious voice, rich with blessing.

Every marriage moves either toward enhancing one another’s glory or toward degrading each other.  Dan B. Allender

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God to help you and your husband build a contempt free marriage.

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Darling Magazine: Why It’s OK If Your Passion Isn’t Your Full-Time Thing Right Now Deep creativity is born in the margin.

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The XY Code: Yes, That Was an Orgasm When the physical pleasure is absent.

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Hangry

April 19, 2016

in the generous life

The other day Paul and I skipped breakfast because we planned a fairly early lunch and we were running a bit late as it was. (It’s not something I usually do because I need a good breakfast to start out my day.)

Well, the errands took longer than normal, lunch was pushed off, and I found myself getting … grumpy.

Paul turned to me and said, “Are you hangry? (anger based on hunger = hangry) Should we stop and get you a little something?”

Hangry

By that time it was just easier to muddle through one more errand and get to the restaurant, but it helped me to realize that most of my struggle was about being hungry (and I should probably choose not to have any life altering discussions until after lunch).

Yesterday I wrote about being a whole person and a part of that is taking care of  yourself. Sometimes it can be as simple as knowing yourself and doing those little things that keep you sane and balanced. (I’m going to buy some granola bars to keep on hand for those “hangry” times.)

Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.  Christopher Germer

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God to help you understand what you need to be healthy and whole.

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Safe At Home: Three Key Non-negotiables In A Healthy Marriage So your marriage can flourish!

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The Generous Husband: Emergency Meal Fund For those times when you just need a break.

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Yesterday when I was looking for a prayer quote by Stormie Omartian, I ran across this one.

One of the greatest gifts you can give your husband is your own wholeness.  Stormie Omaritan

Paul and I spend a fair amount of time discussing (and learning to apply to ourselves) those things that can help us grow up and be a whole person.

Be a Whole Person

Self care is important because it gives you the energy to be a person. Maturing in your attitudes and values makes it easier to learn to relate in a healthy reasonable way to others.  (helpful books)

What a gift to your man and the others in your life. What a gift to yourself!

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God to teach you how to take care of yourself, to be a whole and healthy person.

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Gary Thomas: Dysfunction is a Choice Just because you come from a dysfunctional home doesn’t mean you have to build one.

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Unveiled Wife: 25 Creative & Awesome Ideas To Celebrate My Husband’s Birthday Great anytime celebration ideas!

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A friend recently gave my husband a copy of The Power of a Praying Husband. I like this guy. :)

He’s not only a friend of my husband’s (and now mine), he is also a friend of our marriage. Good man.

prayinghusband     prayingwife

Why not pick up a copy for your man and get The Power of a Praying Wife for yourself.

Talking to God should be part of every aspect of life, in times of peace as well as in every battle. Stormie Omaritan

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Prayer Prompt Ask God to help you stay faithful in prayer for your husband.

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Time of Day

April 16, 2016

in the generous life

Take a date experience and change it up by doing it at a an unusual time of day.

Have a picnic in your backyard … at night.
Share a breakfast meal … at dinner time.
Go for a hike … in the morning
See a movie … at matinee prices.
 take your favorite date experience … and change your usual time.

Time of Day

Your date with have a fresh, new feel and give you the occasional pleasant surprise (and probably a few laughs too).

Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change. Jim Rohn

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God for creative couple time options.

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Love Hope Adventure: 2 Simple Ways to Respect Your Spouse No phubbing!

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Becoming Minimalist: Whatever Is Accessible, Gets Utilized What healthy habits would you like to develop in your marriage?

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From time to time I find myself sharing the story of Paul’s father.

Paul’s dad did all the things you are supposed to do (especially as defined by his generation). He worked hard, loved on his family, went to church, and planned to do all the things he enjoyed when he retired. The only problem is, he never made it to retirement. He died cutting down a tree in the Texas heat.

That was the year after Paul and I married. His dad was 53, far too young.

I know he loved his family and his church. He wasn’t sorry for all that he did for them (including working a job he really didn’t like). The thing that breaks my heart is that he put off his passions and dreams for retirement. He died with his song still in him. He was a exceptionally kind man, intelligent, creative, with an outrageous sense of humor. The world lost so much that day.

When we lost his dad it really shook us up. We grieved the loss of a father, a good man, and more we grieved the loss of his plans and dreams. We chose to learn from it. We chose to follow our dreams even if that meant very little baby steps during busy periods of life. What we learned is there really is time to chase your dreams and those dreams make life bright and exciting. The world needs all of us to sing our songs. It needs our gifts, our individuality, our unique voices.

Sing Your Song, Follow Your Dream

I encourage y’all to chase your dreams and to encourage your husband to do likewise. Be on each other’s team. Help to make those dreams happen. Don’t die with your songs still in you.

I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well. Diane Ackerman

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God to help you and your husband take steps toward fulfilling your dreams.

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The Art of Simple: Use the good stuff The perfect moment is now.  

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Home Storage Solutions 101: Create a Mending Basket How do you keep up with mending clothes?

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