The last few days I’ve been writing a bit about how God sees sex and how it’s meant to be an incredible blessing to you personally and to your marriage.
Sadly, we live in a fallen world, which generally means anything can (and usually does) go wrong.
Perhaps you were sexually abused. Maybe you’re using hormonal birth control and your sex drive went away. You’re too tired for sex what with working two part time jobs, plus husband and kids to come home to. You or your husband is struggling with porn. You have pain during sex or difficulty having an orgasm. Maybe you’re the one who wants sex and your husband doesn’t. The list really is endless.
The nice thing about it is that God understands the problems and He can lead you in a path for help. Ask Him to help you clearly identify the problems and give you a plan of action.
If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. James 1:5 MSG
I was abused by several people as a preschooler, poor sexual messages as a kid, acquaintance raped as an adolescent, and had a difficult first marriage that ended in divorce. I can’t even begin to tell you the stuff I had to work through (and at a time when there were far fewer resources). God gently baby stepped me through and continues to heal, teach and grow me up.
He can do that for you.
I don’t know what your journey will look like and, because marriage takes two, it’s bound to be a bit bumpy. If you will pray and work on your stuff, you will be doing everything you can to give your marriage and sex life a chance at health and growth.
My best advice is pray, read, talk, and try.
Ask God to help you find good resources and then try what they suggest. Try for awhile and then examine and adjust. If something doesn’t work, stop and try something different. If your husband is willing to pray, read, talk, and try, it will be that much easier, but do whatever you can do regardless of however much or little cooperation you get from hubby. If you have a good friend or two to pray and talk too, that’s a plus (be discrete about how much you share about your sex life, it’s one thing to know about, it’s another thing to know the details).
When you find yourself stuck (you don’t know what to do or your husband can’t/won’t work on your marriage) it’s time to go for third party help. Simple concept ~ if you can’t do something by yourself, then you need help from someone else. If your issues are fairly simple, find a happily married woman to talk to. For more complex issues, find a counselor. Take your time in finding someone that is a good fit for you (even great counselors aren’t a good fit for everyone). If your husband won’t go, go by yourself.
The Family and Marriage Counseling Directory
Find a Counselor ~ The American Association of Christian Counselors
Consider also looking in your area for:
Couple to Couple Support
Lay Support Groups (12-step etc)
Marriage Enrichment Courses
Prayer Ministries (Theophostic Prayer Ministry)
Professional Support Groups
Message Boards (The Marriage Bed forum)
Good blogs on married sexuality:
The Forgiven Wife
Hot, Holy & Humorous
Intimacy in Marriage (here’s an interesting post)
To Love, Honor and Vacuum
The XY Code
(Each day I link to good blogs that occasionally mention sexual issues as well.)
Y’all are blessed in that there are a truckload of books and blogs available on marriage concepts and there are folks who can and will talk about sex solutions. (If you know of good resources, please leave them as a comment.)
IF YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP:
Please seek help immediately.
You need to deal with your marriage from a place of safety.
http://www.ndvh.org hotline: 1-800-799-7233
Prayer Prompt ♥ Ask God to help you find sexual resources that are perfect for you and your husband.
To Love, Honor and Vacuum: Ultimate Marriage Reading Challenge of 2015 This gal will be sharing great marriage resources all year long.
Calm.Healthy.Sexy.: Will You Live in the Land of Scarcity or the Land of Enough this Year? Lovely guest post on self-talk and expectations.
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