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JENNA
Get in the habit early of getting up in the morning, and doing what you can to help your husband get off to work. It is hard to leave a warm bed with your sweetheart in it, so get up with him! When he gets into the shower, put his towel in the dryer, and as you hear him start to get out, bring it to him. Help him with his lunch, gathering papers or other necessary items, making his favorite coffee and press out his clothes (or do that the night before.) I'm so glad I got into this habit before the kids came, and that we regularly have that time together alone in the morning. I'm blessed to start the day off serving him, and he is blessed with the help and message that I care about him. Prov 31:11-12


CATHIE
Remember the grace that the Lord so freely gives to you each day ... remember to extend that same grace to your husband. He needs it from you as his partner for life as you need it (and get it) from your Heavenly Father. Try to see your husband as the Lord sees him and you!


KERRI
When we were newlyweds, my husband and I created our own monthly holiday - "Naked Day." About once a month, on a Saturday when we had no plans, we donned the day "Naked Day" and stayed undressed all day long (indoors with the shades down of course!). It made for a fun way to spend the day together, especially rainy days. I think we were both surprised that we were able to shed all inhibitions and hang out in the buff. Also, my husband's appreciation for my body helped me to be more confident and comfortable in the body God has given me.

Our personal holiday has been on hold since our little one came along, but it is a fond memory and something we hope to resurrect when we're "empty-nesters."


(no name given)
Rule #1 in our home: Always speak respectfully to each other. Period. I have 10 children, and it goes for them too, no matter what age. Actually, speak respectfully to everyone, all are made in Gods' image and deserve honor no matter who they are or what they have done. It is possible, no, not natural, but supernatural. It comes from a heart attitude, a gift of grace from our Father, knowing His heart toward us. I mentioned it to a woman once who was observing how our children played well together. She was quiet, then said, "Oh, I am twice divorced, and now that you say it, yes, the day we started speaking disrespectfully to each other was the beginning of the end." And sibling relationships are the training ground for marriage. And if someone does not speak respectfully to you, say once, quietly, "I'm sorry, but I do not respond to disrespect." Then don't. Turn away and wait. That is the other side of respect: for God, the other, and yourself. Our home needs to be a place to feel safe, inside and out, for us and guests.


MICHELLE
Although my husband and I have been married for almost 5 years, we think that one of the things that makes our marriage such a success is that we haven't lost the newlywed touch. We still hold hands and love to spend time with each other. Most people who don't know us, probably think we are newlyweds. Everyone says it will wear off, but we plan to stay this way forever. Anyways, last night's suggestion reminded me of something my husband and I did. I was a bit self-conscious about being seen naked the first night that to make things more relaxing I picked out a nice bathing suit and while I got out of my gown and into my suit, my husband ran me a nice relaxing bubble bath. It was the perfect thing to help me relax.

As well, my husband and I ended up going on our honeymoon about a month after we got married. Instead, we took a long weekend after our wedding before heading back to work. The delayed honeymoon was perfect because it allowed us just relax and enjoy each others company after the hectic and stressful engagement. Since the long weekend was spent close to home, we didn't have to worry about catching flights or trying to visit the scenic sites at our honeymoon destination and could just bask in the wonderfulness of being married. Since we didn't want to go back to work after our wedding, having our honeymoon to still look forward to made it even easier. Even though it wasn't a problem for us when we got married, by taking your honeymoon later, it gives you time to take care of any of the necessary name changes (photo ID, etc) to eliminate problems when traveling.

These are only two of many things that I think really helped me and my husband in our marriage. The one thing I would suggest that we have struggled with is to make sure to discuss your plans for the holidays with each other and then make your intentions clear to make your plans known to both families. If both of you families are close, it can be very difficult to please both of them as well as leave time to create your own traditions.


DAWN
Remember when marrying that "it is not about you." If you both put the feelings of your spouse first, you will do well.

I have not always followed the advice of never going to bed angry. I know it works for millions of people, but I have a strong personality and have felt for me, it would be better to cool off before saying something I would regret. I have been 99% successful and have found that many times in the morning, 90% of the things I might have been angry about don't matter. In fact, many times, it is because I am tired or fatigued that he or I am angry in the first place. The other 10% can be talked about with a fresh perspective and a good night's sleep.


CASSANDRA
My husband and I recently celebrated our 2 year anniversary, and nearly every day since we've been married, we pray together each morning. We pray always for our marriage to be blessed and for God to lead us in all we do, and sometimes special needs arise that we intercede with prayer for others. We do this almost everyday, even when we seem busy, rushing off in different directions. We also pray for our Pastor and his wife, for the Lord has put them over us to lead us.


SARA
My advice to new and soon-to-be wives is to not stress out if everything is not perfect in the beginning of their marriage. Adjusting to married life can be quite a challenge. I remember before my husband and I got married everyone would tell us how easy and wonderful the first year of marriage would be and after that is when it would get difficult. Well the first 6 months of our marriage were hard, really hard. We had a lot of adjusting to do and a lot of dying to self to do. I remember feeling at times like we had made a mistake, but as we began working through our differences and allowing God to change us, things really started to improve. We also did some practical things like using separate bathrooms in the morning. :) We are coming up on our 2 year anniversary, and now our marriage is wonderful. The Lord has really worked in both of our lives. Yes we still have disagreements, but God is faithful and has blessed us in our imperfect marriage.


SBG
Keep in mind two things before going to bed:

1. Never go to bed mad at each other. Me and my dh committed to this before we were married. We've been married over a year and have yet to go to bed mad at each other. Sure, there have been times when I am stubborn as a mule and refuse to talk to dh for a 1/2 hour (I'm working on it...) before I will try and work it out. But NEVER go to bed mad at each other, even if you're up 'til 4 in the morning trying to work it out.

2. Never go to bed with dirty dishes on the counter or in the sink. Learning to take care of a home and keep it looking nice was a HUGE challenge to me. Give yourself the gift of having at least one place in your home that is nice and clean in the morning when you wake up. This will also prevent washing dishes for an hour at a time because you let the dishes pile up for 5 days. Trust me, mold in dishes piled at the bottom of the sink is no fun to deal with. If you get stuck and overwhelmed with housework, check out www.flylady.net for some tips.


ERIN
My advice has to do with something that isn't such a fun thought, but is still an important part of a marriage. That being, do not be afraid of a little conflict, as long as both of you maintain your respect and love for each other through whatever disagreement you might be having. This was a real issue for my husband and I during our first year as husband and wife. He is a wonderful, caring man, and the last thing he EVER wanted to do was fight. But as a result, several things that really needed to be worked through were continuously swept under the carpet (where they festered, rather than going away)--which was not ok with me. It took us a while, but we both finally understand that we will not see eye to eye on everything. It is ok to disagree once in a while (wouldn't life be boring if we were all simplly clones of our spouses?). Now we both make an effort to voice our differing opinions so that we can work through an issue, but we do so with respect and love. This simple little compromise has helped us make real progress as a couple!


CRYSTAL
I had the most fun getting to know my dh by doing chores with him. There are alot of things the guys know how to do that women typically don't, i.e. working on cars or using power tools. When my DH would start a project, I would drop what I was doing to help him out. This let him know that I was there for him and I wanted to be with him. I also learned how to fix things and work on projects so that there were less things for him to do and more time for us to be together.


JILL
My husband and I have always kissed each other after we pray at meals - just a quick peck. We've been married 15½ years!

Over fifteen years ago, I made a decision to get up with my husband every morning, make his breakfast, pack his lunch (if necessary) and send him off with a hug and a kiss when he leaves for work. He has said that this has been a blessing to him. It's a joy for me to serve my hubby in this way!

When my husband comes home from a hard day at work, I make sure that he gets something to drink if he is thirsty. I also make sure that his cup is kept full. I enjoy serving my husband in this way.


CATHERINE
Finances. Take a Crown Ministry or other biblically based finance class BEFORE or RIGHT after you marry. Not being like-minded is dangerous.

Parenting. Again like-mindedness is crucial. Putting one's spouse ahead of children is a priority. Avoid child-centeredness. "One will never be a better mother than she is a wife." Growing Kids God's Way (which we HIGHLY recommend!)


JANE
I have to say my ultimate tip for starting married intimacy off on the right foot and keeping it there is to always sleep naked.

I found it very hard to sleep naked at first and it took me a long time to get used to, but eventually it became second nature and now I wouldn't have it any other way. If it is cold, use more blankets or an electric blanket - husbands generate lots of heat anyway! If it is hot and sticky direct a fan over the bed . . . make an effort to overcome any obstacles to sleeping naked as it really pays rewards.

We have small children so we always keep our bedroom door locked. We use baby monitors for the younger ones and and the older children just knock if they need us. We keep our bathrobes handy so we can put them on in a hurry if we need to.

It means that you are ALWAYS intimate and freely available to each other, even if you don't make love that night. It takes away the seperation from intimate time and just going to bed, and it makes it very easy for "things" to happen spontaneously, any time of the night or morning.


MARYJO
I've been married almost 2 years now (2nd time around) and if there's one valuable thing I've learned it's this: No matter how difficult the conversation - you can have a disagreement without yelling at each other and bringing up everything from past argurments. Agree to table a discussion if progress isn't being made toward a solution. My husband and I have decided that no argument is worth being talked down to by each other. So if we feel the situation escalating, one of us will say, "I propose we table this for a while." And then we agree on a time to come back and finish. I've found out that I don't like being mad at him and pouting about things - it's wastes precious time that we could be loving on each other!


HEATHER
My husband and I have been married 3 years. Dont think that a personal problem effects only you, it will affect your husband/wife as well and also your marriage. Always tell each other the truth, never lie or hide things. Here is a tip for the guys, in today's time it is not uncommon for men and women to have "friends" of the other sex... Men and women can be friends to an extent but you must be careful. Women know women and if your wife tells you that another women.. who might be your friend.. even for a long time.. is just "waiting in the wings" or trying to wedge their way into your marriage PLEASE take note of what your wife is telling you. She is not jellous, women just see things that men don't sometimes. And here is a tip for the ladies, don't take for granted things that your husband does. Give a big "Thank You" or " You really do a nice job" to something common as taking out the trash or cutting the lawn, doing the dishes etc. will really let him know how much it means to you that he does them.


BRANDY
My loving hubby and I have been married for 5 years as of May. Here's some things that has kept us together, happy, and feeling like our relationship is always at it's fullest.

1. Be honest, even when it hurts, be honest about everything. (Even cooking, taste in music, dreams, disappointments, etc.)
2. Laugh at each other and laugh at yourself. Make sure you can handle being laughed at.
3. Never go to bed with unfinished business between the two of you.
4. Talk to each other at least 3 times while you're at work.
5. TALK!!! About anything, sometimes we even pick a subject to talk about with anything from politics, spirituality, why things happen, even who came up with the idea of shoes. (or something meaningless like that)
6 He's my bestfriend, he has to be, beyond God, he's the only one who's always going to be there until the end.
7. Monthly sit down and tell each other what the other person can do to help you feel better about yourself or your relationship.


ANDREA
My husband and I have been married just over 2 months now. On our honeymoon, the hotel we stayed in had a nightly turn-down service, where they would turn down our bed covers and leave chocolates on our pillows. Now, every night, I turn down his side of the bed. And, most nights I leave a little treat on his pillow (such as a condom or a pair of sexy panties) to let him know I'm in the mood. :)

Another thing I do that he enjoys is to sit on our porch swing waiting for him to come home from work. Often it is 10 or 11 at night, so it's dark outside. And, usually I am wrapped in a blanket because I'm wearing a revealing piece of lingerie and I don't want people walking by to see anything!!!!


TANYA
If there is one thing I learned it is to BE HONEST about your past. You may think that your soon to be hubby was never there or part of your life, but it creeps up on you and topples the whole apple cart when you hide things. If you think he will leave you for it, then he is not deserving/loving you unconditionally, this is in the case of unmarried couples. I believed that what my past entailed was between God and me alone, and it is, but to an extent that past also involves your future husband. Imagine if he found out something you did with someone not so nice and it was a time when you were less wise and a thing you regret doing, rather let him hear it from you then elsewhere. And preferably BEFORE the marriage, during premarriage counselling with your pastor/ counsellor. I learned the hard way, by holding things back that he deserved to know, and now I have to build that trust between us again, but God is a God of restoration. Give it to Him.


RENEÉ
Don't complain about what he doesn't do. If you remember to compliment him and thank him for the things he DOES do (even just being a loving man) he'll begin to do the things that you've been wanting him to do (take out the trash, pick up his socks, etc). I've found that by not complaining and just seeing what he does do, my husband has begun to do the very things that I've wanted him to do all along because he likes how he feels when I compliment and thank him. Love is always the best way!


LAUREN
I'm a newlywed myself (just under 2 yrs), so I don't have a whole lot of experience, but I think the main thing that has kept me and my husband close to this point is the practice of not letting the sun go down on our wrath (Eph 4:26). We do not let things build up and become a big deal - we address them when they are small. No matter what it is, if my husband has something that bothers him (even if I don't get it!!), I listen to him and do my best to correct the problem. This openness causes him to feel free to talk about other things as well. AND, it makes him happy to come my way and adjust to my issues as well.


SARAH JOY
It's easy for newlyweds to stay up late and procrastinate going to bed. One culprit is often after-work home improvement work (since you're now sharing a home) that goes on till the wee hours of the morning. For younger couples, especially, it's part of the new-found freedom of living on your own and being an adult. Try to break the "burning the candle at both ends" rut. Practice being in bed by a reasonable time. You'll have more energy and stamina for lovemaking and you'll be more rested throughout the day - rather than having to avoid sex because you went to bed to late and someone has to get up for work in the morning. Too much of this creates a negative image of sex - that it's exhausting and makes one lose focus the next day. This doesn't have to be true!! When you're rested, throughout the day you communicate better, are more responsive to each other, (making love in a non-sexual way) and can even have the energy to flirt, plan and anticipate sex that evening.


GWEN
Really great advice I was given was to never say "no" when my husband approached me for sex unless I really couldn't. If there was a very good reason to say "no" then I should explain to him carefully why I was saying "no" and then be the one to initiate as soon as possible next time. Using sex as a weapon during conflict or tool of manipulation just creates another much larger problem more difficult to solve later.


ANNA
I don't often respond, because I am still a youth when it comes to married life or so it seems. However, my husband and I have enjoyed a wonderful year together! In one year of married life, the best advice I can give to newlyweds is two part:

1. Love the Lord first. Be your husband's "travel guide" when he is burdened or straying. Listen, and always direct him to pray.

2. Be honest always. Bottling emotions is a firecracker waiting to happen. Get all the thoughts that you have out in the open, regardless of any fears. It is much better to have to hope over the crest of a wave together!

We experienced rough times financially, socially, and emotionally during our first year of marriage. These two snipets of advice kept our perspective heavenward and focused on what it means to LOVE someone. Therefore, I can truly say that it was a newlywed year full of joy!


JOANNA
1. Start a habit of praying for one another together, including asking each other how things are going with their relationship with God. The habit of praying together has been a good foundation in our marriage, and being accountable to each other with regard to our walk with God has meant that we've been able to identify 'burn out' before it became critical.

2. Have at least one night a week when the time is just for you as a couple. It stops meeting-itis and enables you to decline when something is too much - if necessary, put the 'date' with your husband [on your calendar], and guard it as a precious jewel!


KACY
There are a couple of things that my husband and I agreed on from the very beginning. We are now married 15 years this September.

*ALWAYS tell the other person/spouse that you love them before they leave and give them a kiss. This might seem simple, but my husband is a firefighter and there is always that chance that he might not return home. Sad, but true. Never take your spouse for granted.

*We were married on the 2nd of the month. So EVERY second of the month we tell each other Happy Anniversary. And now it's like a game to see who remembers first and says it to the other person.


DEBBIE
The way my husband does certain things, like wash the dishes, bugs me. I have learned that just because it is not the way that I do it doesn't make it wrong. I have also learned to leave the room if something like that is irritating me. If I don't then I end up communicating my irritation to him which results in him not doing the chore at all. Then it becomes my chore, not the result I was looking for.

In regards to love making. God invented sex and He made us creative beings. So enjoy each other. As a newlywed you may not be comfortable with certain things, but later on you may be. As long as you are both comfortable with something and it does not go outside God's design for marriage it is okay. As you grow in your comfort you will both have new things to look forward to. The best love making is in a trusting monogamous Christian marriage so enjoy many delightful encounters!


SHELLY
Never be disrespectful with each other. "In your anger, do not sin." We all have tempers. And sometimes we have good reason to be frustrated with our spouse. However, when we call each other names, or hang up the phone on each other, we are not living up to our commitment to honor our spouse, and the damage is far reaching.

Set aside time each week for each other. When you have children, this gets more challenging. Line up a babysitter and go out for dinner. If you can't afford a babysitter, perhaps you can work out a trade with a neighbor. You watch their kids one night, and they watch yours. There are lots of ways to sneak away together for a little while.

Pray together!

Expect the unexpected. When you are first married, it's so exciting to finally be together. Everything is new. That newness quickly wears off and the reality of spending your life with this imperfect person eventually sets in. Be prepared. Many married couples think nothing bad could ever happen to their marriage. Know that temptations will arise and difficult circumstances will come. But God is faithful and He will provide a way out (1 Cor. 10:13). Ultimately, we have the choice how we respond to these kinds of situations. And when we make the right choices our marriages will thrive.

Take care of yourself (this is for women AND men). Make sure you eat a healthy diet, get exercise and keep proper hygiene. Sometimes this is hard when you have been at home all day with screaming children. Or maybe you have worked hard all week and all you want to do is recline in the chair all weekend. Keep in mind that how you look affects how you feel. When you feel good about yourself you are a happier person! And I guarantee if you are happier, your spouse will be happier!


SAPHRONIA
Never let the word DIVORCE become part of your vocabulary even in joking. It seems alot of times couples joke about it and then all of a sudden it becomes a reality. Put your faith in God and always put Him first in every decision. Don't let anything keep you from church that is the one place you can go where they will tell you they are glad to see you and people are smiling all the time. Good luck


DEBRA
Most new couples are trying to save money for a house, car, renovations, whatever it may be. Don't forget to save a little each week for date night. Plan ahead. You'll be amazed how the time flies when you're settling into a home with someone, don't let the days become weeks since you spent time together doing things you did when you were falling in love.

Also - don't ever stop trying to show him your good side. As the years go by us women tend to get comfortable and take our husbands love for granted. Remember the things you did, wore, cooked, said, that made him weak in the knees in the early days of your relationship? Do at least one of those every day!


CRYSTAL
Another important feature of a "great" marriage is communication. Husbands and wives should be able to sit and talk through everything...even if it is a topic that you are not comfortable with. You cannot have a marriage where one person isn't feeling satisfied or happy. Each person should be able to share their feelings, emotions, wants/needs. And the sharing should be dealt with appropriately and not just left alone.


JACKIE
I remember one of the most important tips I was given by my mother the day that I married was "Don't ever go to Bed Mad" Make sure that you clear up all problems between you and your spouce before going to bed. This also lead to #2 that my mother told me and that was to Never Ever use Sex as a weapon, You will regret it all your life if you do it even once. And finally the 3rd tip that my mother gave me was that marriage takes 2 to make it work. It is a give and take relationship. Sometimes it will feel like you are doing all of the giving and not any of the taking but believe me those times will pass and it will then feel like all you are doing is on the receiving end of the blessings.

One thing she also told me was to never ever allow your husband to hit you. If you allow it to happen once it will become easier for him to do it again. On the other foot so to speak don't ever ever put your husband down in front of others or belittle his ideas. Both are a sure death to marriage.


KRISTEN
My husband and I have been married for 7 months - not too long :) - but here are some of the things we've done...

- We took plenty of time during our engagement to have "no-wedding dates" where we couldn't talk about the wedding details, but rather worked on our relationship and enjoyed just being together.

- I knew pretty much from the time we began talking about dating that we would spend the rest of our lives together...so I kept a journal and would write an entry every time we went out or spent time together before we were engaged and some after too - then I gave the journal to him on our wedding night so we'd always be reminded of the precious gift God has given us.

- We say the Lord's Prayer together each day (usually in the morning) to help us connect spiritually and focus our lives (individual and as a couple) on the Lord.

- Knowing that money can be a divisive force in marriage, we spent time during our engagement to talk about our finances. we talked about our debts, spending habits, what is considered a priority, etc. We also formulated a budget, a bill chart (what bill needs to be paid in what amount on what date, then a column to initial it when it's sent out) and a daily spending log to keep track of our income and expenditures.

- On our wedding day, we went out to breakfast together before parting ways to get ready. We had decided to do all of the pictures before the ceremony (even though some people gave us a hard time about seeing each other before), so here's what our photographer did: once we were completely ready, he took me into the sanctuary, put me up on the stage, then went to get my husband and, making sure each of the doors was guarded, he gave us 5 or 10 minutes to see each other for the first time, to react, and to be alone before we did pictures with the whole wedding party. It was time that we will always cherish.

- My husband and I get tired of hearing people complain about their spouses or put them down, so we committed from the start, out of respect and love, to never speak badly of each other to other people, but to do the opposite - we try to build each other up and compliment each other. We try to take problems to God and to each other. It's a great way to show love and respect for each other.


AMY
We staretd a tradition soon after we were married ... I set my alarm clock 2 "snoozes" early. When it goes off the first time I spoon my sweetie. When it goes off again, I make him snuggle me! We hardly remember that we snuggled most mornings, but we definately remember when we don't do it.


MAUREEN
Personal touch. Every morning after he undresses for his shower my husband presents his back to me to be scratched. I lightly scratch his back with my nails all over. He is so disappointed when it is over. No nails? How about a nice soft touch massage. It only has to last a minute or two. But for that minute you are connected on a deeply personal level. You are giving your husband the gift of your personal touch. All times during the day when I see him I'll always touch my husband, on his arm, his back, his behind. I'll squeeze his shoulder or kiss his forehead. It doesn't matter. All that matters is I'm touching him. Even when we are fighting I'll touch his arm and tell him I love him. (No matter how hard it is for me at the time.)


KATHY
Through out all my married life my dh and I make a point to hug and kiss each other when we get up in the morning, when we are separating, when we greet each other, and when we go to sleep every night. It doesn't matter if we are going to be away from each other for a long or short time. Even if I'm just going on a short errand, I make sure to hug and kiss my dh good-bye, and hello when I return. I also make a point to watch and listen for him to come home from work. I will go out to him and welcome him home with hugs and kisses.


GK
1) Learn a dozen or more RECIPES before your 1st baby comes. Learn the meals his mom cooked that he likes, as she did.

2) Intimacy (if you had pre-martial sex) - discuss and agree on all 'do and do nots' from the very beginning. Ask your husband to truly forgive you for your B.C. day's sexually activity and don't be scared to be sensual for fear of 'acting like the old days'.

3) You know when they say you married a sinner now that you are there are 2 sinners in the house, etc. etc...ladies it is easier to be holy when you are single...try to keep your holiness and progress when you get married. Don't assimilate his sins/weaknesses with yours and vice-versa. With living with your mate, then 1st baby, then 2nd baby, etc. you get more and more entangled in the world. Trust me it is easy to let Martha TAKE OVER Mary and don't let worries of this world take over (house, cleaning & cooking) and rob you of the Lord & the Lord of you.


KRISTEN
The one piece of advice that I wish that someone would have given to me was to NEVER stop dating your husband. It is so easy after a couple gets married to get busy with life, jobs, church, etc., that they forget what drew them to each other. I think that this is especially important after you have children. Your focus becomes the children and you can loose sight of each other very quickly and innocently.


VICKI
I highly recommend the book, His Needs, Her Needs: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage by Willard Harley. It is a nuts and bolts approach which goes deeper than The 5 Love Languages (which is also a great resource) by Gary Chapman. My husband (a pastor) and I have used this first book during premarital counseling. What a better way to start off a marriage by considering one another's deep felt needs! I'd rather not see couples having to discover these later if they should have difficulties.


KRISTI
Make sure and take notice when they need there space and give it to them.


KELLEY
My advice would be to not try and change him. God created him. He has his own idiosyncrasies and you will grow and learn to appreciate them. They will set him apart from others. Do not expect him to read your mind. Men need to be told things in great detail. The more information you give him the better. Men do not like to guess. Maintain open communication. Remember, men do not need to talk as much as women do. Don't expect too much from your husband. Be his friend. Take an interest in spicing up your sex-life. Last, but certainly not least of all, be sure to go to God in prayer about your marriage. When your husband is doing something that you do not like, pray first and ask God for wisdom. He will let you know whether you should bring up the problem in conversation or whether He (God) doesn't need your help and it will only take time for your husband to change or improve.


KRISTEN
The very best pieces of advice follow that I got are:

1 - From my friend who got married the first out of my circle of friends - now 20 years married and going strong -
The only way to make a marriage work is if both people put the other person first in their thoughts and actions. If for example, the husband puts the wife first and the wife puts herself first...that doesn't work...or vice-versa. If the wife and husband put themselves first, well, why be married? So, always remember to put the other first and you'll have a perfectly balanced, wonderful, giving relationship.

2 - From my Grannie - God rest her soul
Marriage is like a plant - you need to tend to it like its own little being. Feed it (be intimate), water it (maybe the equivalent of "go on dates"), love it - the "it" being to love your marriage, not just your spouse. She had all kinds of examples of how this applied, and I've never forgotten the concept.


JMM
(a gift idea for her)
To help her keep track of his family's important dates (birthdays, anniversaries, etc.), list them all on a pretty piece of stationery, or in a little notebook. Include the year of the event, so she doesn't have to guess.

List a couple of her new husband's favorite home-cooked meal combinations (does he love baked beans with his steak? Cranberry sauce with his roast chicken?) Write out the full recipes for a couple of these so she can bless him with one or another of his "old favorites" every now and then.


DELLAINA
You probably wear a certain perfume all the time already, but for your wedding day and the entire time you're off on your honeymoon, surprise your groom and wear something different. I usually wear Happy by Clinique, but for my wedding and honeymoon I wore Victoria Secret's Love Spell. (I didn't tell him I was going to do that.)

Now, no matter where or when he smells it and no matter who it's on, my dh is instantly transported back to Hawaii with his bride! He called me from the mall while Christmas shopping a few years ago to tell me someone walked by him wearing Love Spell and he had to stop for a moment and relive a few honeymoon memories. ;)

I even played with fire, asking him if the woman was pretty and y'know what? He said he didn't know, he was so into the moment, but he did share with me that he had to un-tuck his shirt, if ya KWIM, the scent-memory was that powerful!

I only wear that perfume for date nights now, to keep it special. It also works great now for a signal to him that we ought to go to bed early. I'm still bashful to outright initiate, so spritzing a little Love Spell on is a super clear "come to me" that works for us.


REBECCA
Never forsake your relationship with God. He is you number one go to guy.

I have learned from the beginning that communication is the number one thing in marriage. Talk about everything with each other. Learn to just listen. Ask him how his day went as you sit down for dinner and then really listen.

Don't bottle things up to a point where "explosions" happen.

Keep things between yourselves. Become the world's greatest secret keeper.

Be loving and kind, always doing him good and never evil so his heart can safely rest in you.

Ask his opinion about everything, if he likes what you wear, how you do your hair, what things you buy around the house. Your object in life is to please him.

Food is really important to a man. I have learned that one of the greatest encouragements I can give to my husband is to have dinner ready when he comes home or within half an hour.

Ask him for his favorite meals and then make them, even calling his mother to get her recipes (which will help her to know you appreciate her former role in his life).

Be ready to be shocked at how different men are. Don't expect them to think or act like your girlfriends.

Learn how men and women differ sexually, as in the differences in orgasms, how each really works, what turns each on, and then talk to each other about them.

Realize that men are created to be hardwired to certain body parts. Sex is way more important to men than they let on. Make that your mindset too.

Date nights are a priority.

Remember, he is your new best friend. Make him feel that way.


THERESA
I have been married for just over two years. Before our wedding, I was really nervous about the wedding night. I was afraid I would be nervous about it that day, taking away from the excitement of the ceremony, and that he would be disappointed if I didn't act a certain way when it came that time. About a month before our wedding, we sat down and talked about it. Not explicitly, because we didn't think that would be appropriate, but we both got to tell each other how we were feeling about it. Being open and accepting of our fears and emotions are such a huge part of a healthy marriage, after all. He responded wonderfully, as I knew he would. He suggested that we plan on just cuddling together that first night, unless I wanted to do more. It was so nice to know he understood me and knew how I was feeling and it reminded me how special he thought I was. My tip is to tastefully bring up this topic beforehand, if you're as nervous as I was so that you have the same expectations for that first special night. This might even be a good tip to pass on to the Generous Husbands-to-be!


DEBBIE
My tip: I've been married approximately 18 months, so I'm still learning. The one thing I have learned is to NOT take myself so seriously. I would worry and fret about my new husband and try to read into everything he said or did and saw it as a reflection on my ability to be a good wife. In fact, we were both just making adjustments to each other. We were both 33 when we got married and had settled into our own way of doing things. No matter how well we knew each other before we got married, we had a lot to learn about our daily quirks and habits. It has taken me a long time to let go of my assumptions and learn how to approach him in a way that would allow him to express himself to me without fear of my overreacting. I learned how to ask him questions that would allow him to answer freely - not the kind of questions that would corner him into one particular response to suit my fancy. Marriage has made me stretch and grow and become a better communicator. My husband & I talk on a completely different level now - and even if the topic is uncomfortable, we rarely face a confrontation because I have learned to accept him and his perspective.


BETH
My hubby and I had our wedding tape recorded. Every anniversary, we get out the tape and watch our wedding again. It is very romantic, not to mention it keeps our vows fresh on our minds and creates more love between us. We also frequently listen to the songs that we had played at our wedding.


CAROLYN
My husband and I have been married for seven years. We experienced adultery on both parts and even a separation while in the body of Christ. It was the word of God and the dedication of our wonderful Pastors that restored our marriage. In the midst of the storm, we realized that we got away from what wooed us in the first place. Just the little things that made each other feel special such as changing his bath towel for a clean one and hanging it just right with a wash cloth and even senting it with my Victoria's Secret sprays for a nice touch, or my husband fixing up the bed the best he knew how, just the effort was priceless. Or even having date nights that each of us alternated.

One week it's my turn and the other is his. We set the budget and let the person be creative. Love making to candle light in the bedroom on a bed of rose petals. Also, having devotionals as a couple and as a family---always building him up. Most importantly for me, was to make sure that I always gave him his place in the home. He's the head and I am his helpmeet. There is nothing more damaging to a man and a marriage than role reversal. To stay on the right track, we hold ourselves accountable to another couple (in our case our Pastors) to make sure that we cross our T's and dot our I's. This helps to keep God in the center. Our marriage is better today than it has ever been. I never thought that life after adultery could be so peaceful.


CRYSTAL
# 1: go on a honeymoon...no matter how low-budget. Go on a honeymoon because this is the time where you bond as a couple and really get to know each other. Remember you'll be spending the rest of your lives together so this is the time to really get to know each other. If you are just newlywed and didn't have time to go on a honeymoon or couldn't afford one. Find time soon to do so. This will be your time together to remember, forever. It should be special and again, the memories will last forever.


(no name given)
21Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life]. Proverbs 18:21 (Amplified Bible)

Be careful what you say and how you say it. Be careful not to have a sharp criticizing tongue to your husband or about him. (even when it seems to be true) You can literally make or break your husband, yourself, your kids, your relationships with your mouth...

Furthermore, be careful what you allow yourself to think on as our thoughts become words, our words become actions our actions can cause big trouble or make a happy home.

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 21:9


DORIE
My best tip is to overlook small inconveniences and hurts. Many times your husband will not even realize that he has inconvenienced or hurt you, so you are the only one hurt by your irritation with the situation.

Live each day as if it were your only one together. Picking up his dirty socks, putting down the toilet seat, retrieving dirty dishes, putting the cap back on the toothpaste, etc. are things that are quickly done and if you do them without grumbling he may actually catch on sometime. And if he doesn't? Consider your life without him. If he were suddenly removed from your life by illness or accident I'm sure you would give anything for him to be there and leave those little annoyances in your life. Look at it as a reminder that you have someone to love.


ANDREA
One tradition that we started even back when we were dating was every Christmas we go to the same subdivision and drive around to look at Christmas lights. We have been doing this for 8 years now! It is something I look forward to every year.

Advice: Do things as a couple that will strengthen your marriage such Christian marriage retreats, joining a couple's Sunday school class. One thing we enjoyed was golfing together. We used to go every weekend during the summer time. I regret not doing as much together early on in our marriage. I didn't have the patience to wait until my husband was able to take vacations with me, I would just go without him. Now, I couldn't imagine going anywhere without him.


KAREN
No matter what, don't stop dating! It gets harder with kids and a household, but even if you don't have money there is always a walk in the park or a picnic. Getting away to spend time alone is very important. For those of you who think that leaving the kids with a baby sitter isn't good parenting (I was one), remember that keeping the spark alive with your children's father is a good way to keep your family together.


CHRISTINE
I have a tip: Sometime when you are feeling especially in love and your feeling truly happy with your spouse and you can remember all the reasons you fell in love with him, get out a piece of paper and write down one really special thing that he did for you that he didn't have to. One thing that really meant something to you. Then when you are angry with him and feeling hurt and want to hate him, pull out the slip of paper and read it. Read it until you can remember you really do love him.


JESSICA
I love literature, and I would like to share two poems that I try to stay mindful of in regards to my marriage:

Sonnet 116
-William Shakespeare

'Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
Oh, no! It is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests
and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown,
although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool,
though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not
with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error, and upon me prov'd,
I never writ, nor no man ever love'd.'

This is my favorite Shakespeare sonnet, and I have made it into a magnet for my fridge. It reminds me that love is a choice, not a feeling. And also that true love is not dependant upon circumstances. I have the power to choose to love my husband - even when he is complaining about money, or when he's left his dirty clothes in the hallway for the millionth time.

The second poem that I want to share is not on my fridge, but it carries the same principle that true love is a choice:

'After Fighting for Hours'
-by Kate Gleason
(from The Best American Poetry 1997 Tate, Lehman)

'When all else fails
we fall to making love,
our bodies like the pioneers
in rough covered wagons
whose oxen strained to cross the Rockies
until their hearts gave out trying,
those pioneers who had out-survived
fever, hunger, a run of broken luck,
those able-bodied men and women
who simply unlocked the animals
from their yokes, and taking
the hitches in their own hands, pulled
by the sheer desire of their own bodies
their earthly goods over the divide.'

This poem is not something I apply on a daily basis, but I have found that it has been helpful at times!


HEATHER

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To my WONDERFUL Husband & friend, Kevin
From your FOREVER loving wife, Heather
July 30,2005


Why I chose you to marry.....

I chose you because of the love and respect you have shown me.

I chose you because of the feeling you stir in me when you look at me, touch me, kiss me, hold me, and speak to me.

I chose you because the way I feel when I am away from you.

I chose you because of the way you make me feel when I am with you, safe, secure and loved.

I chose you because you are an individual and choose not to be like everyone else or what others say you should be.

I chose you because of the way you love our children.

I chose you because I can see us growing old together and being grandparents.

I chose you because you know me inside and out and still never judge me.

I chose you because you know my faults and past and loved me anyway.

I chose you because you make me whole.

I chose you because you make our family whole.

I chose you because we can talk to each other about anything or nothing at all.

I chose you because you look to my inside not the flesh.

I chose you because we complete each other.

I chose you because my heart leaps at just the mention of your name.

I chose you because you are a wonderful man and I knew you would be a wonderful husband, which you have been.

I chose you because you are a wonderful father.

I chose you because you are a loving man.

I chose you because of your love for life.

I chose you because of your love for God.

I chose you because of your spontaneity.

I chose you because you are a genius.

I chose you because you are such a giving man and expect nothing in return.

I chose you because of the woman I knew you could help me to be, a woman of God.

I chose you because you are the man God has given me to live my life with and give all my love to knowing it would be returned 100 fold.

I chose you for so many other reasons, last but not least for the love and respect I have for you as a man, husband, father and friend.

With all of this said and with all the storms in life we have faced and come through and all the storms yet to come our way, I would chose you all over again and again because you ARE a wonderful man, husband and father and I would not change a thing about you.

Thank you for choosing me to be your life long wife and grow old with.

You are such a blessing to me and our family.




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