Lori’s Story

December 20, 2008

Hi, I’m Lori. I’m a wife and mom of two kids (and now a grandma!). I’ve walked with the Lord most of my life, with seasons of ignorance, walking in the wrong direction, and dealing with the usual fallout from living in this world. I’ve known abuse, divorce, and a host of other hurts, as I’m sure many of you have. But again, like many of you, I still wanted to do good, to love well and live fully. It all seemed to escape me, my life slipping away in the busyness of my day, my relationships a sad shadow of what I hoped they would be. 

I saw my marriage begin to develop some serious cracks (the kind that eventually cause your marriage to break into little pieces). I was busy dealing with the chaos of life and, frankly, I wasn’t sure how to go about “building my marriage.” (You hear that term all the time, but no one really tells you how to do that, except perhaps to have a date night. :-| )  I realized also my mouth was tearing things up, expressing fears, doubts and generally being snarky (sarcasm can actually kill, a marriage at any rate). I carried emotional baggage I wasn’t dealing with and I had no good models from which to learn. I knew I was in a mess, that I was a mess, but I really didn’t know what to do.

I figured at the very least I could stop saying anything unkind or rude. So for a while I didn’t say much. It actually felt pretty good and it taught me a lot about my inner workings. I started praying and asking God to teach me about real love and how to walk that out in my marriage … and He was (and continues to be) faithful to answer.

I gave a lot of thought to what I really wanted to say to my husband and how I would want that said if he were to say it to me. Kindness quickly became a motivating factor. (It can be a very scary thing to envision how you look to others when you talk.)

I started thinking about what I wanted from him and asked myself if I was returning the favor. More than that, did I really know him well enough to give him what he might want, seeing he was a different person with different preferences. Learning to ask good questions then became important, as well as learning his moods so the timing of my questions wouldn’t drive him mad.

Eventually I began to see changes, small at first. I could live with myself better and the twinkle was back in my husband’s eye. I knew if I would just stay on the journey I would be giving my marriage the chance it needed to not only survive, but flourish. The hints of success were there. I began to see glimpses of that “loving well” and “living fully” I so very much wanted.

Today my kids are grown (and I have three grandbabies!). My husband, Paul, and I work together and actually enjoy it. We continue to invest in our marriage and reap the benefits of it (we are best friends and hugely in love with each other). A few years back I got a wild hare and decided that sharing some ideas would be a good thing and The Generous Wife was born. Not to be outdone, my husband created The Generous Husband (and now The XY Code). It is our ongoing joy to infect others with the desire to bless their spouses.

Our home is in the beautiful Northwest (USA). We spend out days blogging and working for the marriage ministry that took on a life of its own several years ago. We enjoy sharing life with the many friends we have made along the way.

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Anoda Phase May 23, 2009 at 4:21 am

waoh! what a deep n moving story…I’m glad that God has not only brought u this far, but is using u as a source of blessing to other wives around d world…weldone Lori…


Pina Fraser October 4, 2010 at 7:09 am

Hi Lori!

I’ve been receiving your Generous Wife Tips for over a year now and love your postings. However, as much as reading these tips totally agree with my spirit I am constantly frustrated that I can’t motivate myself to try many of them.

Just today I finally read your Bio, wow! I absolutely relate to the desire you have to love largely and live fully but somehow can’t reach that mark. My husband and I also struggle with tearing ‘things’ down with our mouths and a huge riff is looming on our marriage. My husband and I are in our 6th year of marriage and we have a rambunctious yet sweet 5 year old son. We also have the additional challenge of my physical disability that is profound in nature and I am often struggling with my health. So, you can only imagine the kind of stress we face daily. I depend on my husband alot even though I have several personal assistants who help me out with my own needs and that of my family and home. These wonderful ladies are my hands and feet and through their assistance I do my best to serve my husband in our home.

I would be tremendously blessed to reach the kind of togetherness you and your hubby now share. I desire with all my heart to really know my husband and I are in love. Thank you for sharing your heart so openly with us through the Generous wife. I will keep reading your tips and keep praying to be more generous to my husband.


Eruvwu Obuaya September 27, 2011 at 7:59 am

Powerful information – open, frank and honest! Thank you for sharing Lori.


Donnelle June 12, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Kia ora Lori

I have been getting the generous wife tips for a few years now and they have changed not only my marriage but my life.

My marriage started badly…really badly. I was the worse kind of wife for my husband, i was mean and i didnt think of his needs and wants above my own. But the sad thing is i didnt know what i was doing. I felt my very young and new marriage quickly falling through the cracks of a foundation that didnt really exist in the first place. Thankfully i have a beautiful friend who i can share honestly about my failing and frustrations with without judgement and she said she signed up to the generous wife and it helped her out alot. I have never looked back! Now i have been married to the most wonderful man for over 5 years and have just had a little girl. Each day i read your tips and adapt them to my heart – i take them where i go so that i can be not only a generous wife but generous with friends, family and in ministry.

Thank you Lori for being the tool that helped the Lord make a radical change in my thought life to my whole life. I continue to tell friends and family about your posts and i often find myself quoting from you (i always give you credit :) ).

Much love


The Generous Wife June 12, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Thanks Donnelle, for sharing your story. I love how generosity wins. :) Blessings.


M at A Marriage Restored July 16, 2012 at 2:27 pm

The “not to be outdone” reminded me of my husband and me trying to “outbless” one another! I planned a “dream date” for him which was built up and talked about for days, and happened to be on our 1/2 anniversary- I cooked a fine meal, with a beautiful cheesecake, china, candles, husband-only appropriate dinner dress, massage, etc… He felt VERY cherished. Then last weekend I planned a surprise overnight- put addresses in the GPS and told him to drive. An extra special part of it was getting his sister and her husband to meet us for dinner.
Thank you for the ministry you and your husband do– it has helped us in many, many ways!
Blessings to you both.


Lori Adams November 1, 2012 at 7:58 am

We are also a Paul and Lori couple who were married last 11/11/11. This is a second marriage for both of us after we were both single for a number of years. My husband receives and acts on tips from the Generous Husband. I wasn’t aware that there was a Generous Wife half!! Excited to find you! I need a daily reminder that my marriage is the priority , after my relationship with The Lord!


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