other

Set Him Up for Success

March 28, 2016

in other

At a couple’s gathering we were talking about what to do when you ask your spouse to do something and they … just don’t.

There are probably a number of reasons why this might happen, but one gentleman (thanks, Jeremy!) said for many guys, they might not know what to do. His solution was to set your spouse up for success by making sure that they had the tools and know how to do what was asked of them.

Set Him Up for Success

The example we were talking about was helping out with meals. Many guys might not know how to shop, how to meal plan, how to cook, etc. Being asked to help when you haven’t a clue is a recipe for disaster … or inaction.

Why not take on cooking as a couple’s project and work through it together so there is a weekly meal plan, a shopping list, and simple meal choices (with know how) on those nights when hubby is playing chef.

If you want your guy to help it has to be understandable and doable. Just because you know what needs to be done doesn’t mean your husband has learned those life skills and knows what to do. If you continually run into things being left undone, make sure it isn’t a case of lack of know how.

The more I help others to succeed, the more I succeed.  Ray Croc

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God to help you and your husband make chores understandable and doable.

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To Love, Honor and Vacuum: 50 Conversation Starters for Couples–with a Purpose! Stay connected. Keep talking.

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Awhile back I encouraged y’all to create a morning routine that would help you start your day well.

I’d like to encourage y’all to add “be generous” to that routine.

It doesn’t have to be much, a little kindness here or there. It’s just that generosity has a way of softening your heart and blessing those around you. Not a bad way to start the day.

It’s also pretty normal for the rest of your day to follow the start of your day, so being generous all day long is easier if you start with a little generosity. 

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give. Winston Churchill

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God to show you little ways to bless those around you.

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A Change of Plans

August 25, 2015

in other

Paul and I planned a small jaunt around Washington to exercise our RVing skills. Just a couple of days at a retreat campground and a couple of days in Sequim (pronounced “skwim”) to visit with family and friends.

When it was time to go to our home base, we got a text from our son. They were being evacuated because of a nearby fire. They bundled up everyone and their important stuff and drove off to a small cabin out of harms way.

OK, then.

Change of plans.

We’re now sitting at an RV park on the coast. (I can hear the sympathetic groans.) We’ll stay on the coast until the fire gets sorted out (at this point about 15 percent contained but it’s looking like their place will be OK).

I mention this because, though it’s a lovely change of plans in some ways, it’s still a change of plans and unsettling. We had to rearrange our finances, work hours, and more (plus the concern for our kids).

Life is full of stops, starts, and curves (and sometimes a few drop offs!).

How do you handle change?

Do you fuss? Complain? Do you and your husband team up and make a plan or fight about options?

As a perspective, staying calm and thinking creatively can be a big help. I know it’s a difficult when things are whirling around you, but a small break and a prayer can make a huge difference on how you approach and deal with change.

You must welcome change as the rule but not as your ruler.  Denis Waitley

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God for wisdom, calm, and creative ideas when life throws you a curve.

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On Time

August 1, 2015

in other

This Week’s Marriage Challenge: Every day this week,
look for something beautiful to share with your husband.

 
Being on time and being prepared is a lovely gift to give your husband.

Perhaps you are the “on time” gal and this is not a problem for you. If so, the chances are you married a “time challenged” husband (opposites attract) and he will be blessed by any thing you do. Help him by being organized, aware of time, and generally available.

If you are chronically late, take some time to explore the whys. Do you misjudge how much time it will take to get ready? Do you forget things? Are you distracted?

Brainstorm helps and solutions. Can you set out what you need the night before when you have the time to think things through? Can you set aside an extra half hour so there is time to handle any little surprises? Can you simplify your routine? Do you have a good calendar system that you and your husband regularly review?

We all understand occasional lateness (life does happen), but if this is a chronic problem for you, try various solutions and practice being timely. Your man will thank you for it.

Better three hours too soon, than one minute too late.  William Shakespeare

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God to help you govern your time wisely, be timely, and be prepared.

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Ashley Willis: The Most Common Mistake Women Make In Marriage  I have done this. You too?

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Marriage 4:29: Guest Post: 3 Ways You’re Hurting Your Spouse When you tear down your spouse, you destroy your marriage.

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Cleaning House

March 14, 2015

in other

Yesterday I cleaned my house.

I swept up enough dog hair to create another dog, wiped down counters that had several days worth of hmmm (not sure what) and moved/sorted a few piles of paper (so much for my new paperwork system, back to the drawing board).

When it was all clean and shiny again it felt so good. It felt calmer and nicer.

My husband doesn’t register mess the way I do, but I do know that it effects him on some level. When the house is clean the whole atmosphere of the home settles and we smile more.

Cleaning house is not exciting work, but the rewards are pretty good.

Make time to regularly clean your home, especially those areas that affect your sweetie.

Cleaning and organizing is a practice, not a project. Meagan Francis

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God to help you create housekeeping habits that work for you and your family.

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The Romantic Vineyard: Survey Invitation For The Effects Of Menopause On Your Sex Life If you are currently facing this season of life or it’s in your rear view mirror, please stop in and answer these 10 questions. Results will help Debi write a more informed article about menopause.

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Managing Your Blessings: 4 Ways to Absorb God’s Truth About Sex in Marriage Chris, of Forgiven Wife, shares great practical advice for overcoming the sexual lies we believe.

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This post may sound a bit psycho-babble, but please hear me out.

Years ago I had a friend who had a rough patch or two in her past. She has good reason to hurt and one day she “felt scared.”

Because she “felt scared” she assumed there was a reason for this fear in her life. So she went looking for whatever it was that was making her feel scared. The problem was there wasn’t really anything in her life that was a problem, but her feelings were real and she couldn’t let it go until she found something scary. She ended up picking something and making it scary, which meant this thing had to be fixed so it wouldn’t be scary anymore.

The sad thing is, she picked her husband.

She nearly destroyed her marriage because she needed something current day to explain why she felt so scared.

I share this because recently something similar happened to me. I realized I was feeling worried, tense, and scared. It went on for several days. Yes, there are things that are not great in my life, but nothing that would explain the level of my feelings. I finally had a sit down with God and said, “Lord, please, you’ve got to help me sort this out.” The upshot of it was that I’m in a period of significant change. In my history that has usually been a bad thing. I was dragging the past into my present. My present is just fine (not perfect, but good).

At this point, I just needed to hang out with God and talk to Him about my past and the lies that I’ve believed because of it. I’m sorting it out and actually doing quite a bit better.

Y’all, learn from this. Are your current feelings accurate for your current situation? How much of your current situation is being affected by past wounds and feelings?

(One of the healthiest things you can do is meet regularly with a friend for prayer and encouragement. It gives you a safe place to talk this stuff out. If you feel stuck or over your head, please seek professional help.)

Feelings are much like waves, we can’t stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf.  Jonatan Mårtensson

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Prayer Prompt  Ask God to help you identify your feelings and find the real source of any pain, anger or fear.

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Hot, Holy & Humorous: Does Your Husband Look at Other Women? A little ruminating on how men and women notice physically attractive people.

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Running Interference

April 23, 2014

in other

I was trying to write when Widget, my dog, decided it was time to play. He jumped up on the bed, nudged me, “talked at me” (Rhodesian Ridgebacks are very vocal), and dropped his bone next to me (“Come on mom, play with me!”).

Paul saw my dilemma and grabbed the bone and called him to the other room for a little play time. 

Now Widget is peacefully curled up next to me, content and quiet. It was a lovely gift to have my husband run interference for me.

I’m looking for opportunities to do the same for him. Playful dogs, phone calls, and more can interrupt our days. When Paul is busy, I want to be there to run interference for him too.

The average American worker has fifty interruptions a day, of which seventy percent have nothing to do with work.  W. Edwards Deming

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Love and Respect: Why is Marriage So Hard? How you deal with conflict can make or break your marriage. 

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Marriage Adventures: We Still Do Habits that energize your relationship. (The Kindle version of their book Marriage Adventures is available for 99¢ this week. I’m reading it right now and their story offers a lot of success tips for your marriage.)

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