I love questions.

So I created a little gift for y'all. It's a year's worth of questions for couples.

Free Download: A Year of Questions for You and Your Spouse

It's a pdf. You can "right click" on the above link and save to your computer or just click on the link and it will open in your browser.

Print it out, cut the questions into strips and put them all into a container (I used an almond container from Costco). Pull out a question a day to spark conversation between you and your spouse.

If a question does not apply to you or your spouse, just reframe the question so that it does. Change the “what” or the “who.”

I encourage you to create your own rules. Many of these questions are better answered if there is no limit on time, money, etc. This gives more room for options and imagination (I’d love to have advice from Florence Nightingale and live in Italy!).

When the answer revolves around people, you may want to give the option of adding “in addition to” or “other than my spouse.” And, honestly, I think it’s OK to change questions, add questions, give information not asked for, and so on.

The idea behind the questions is to give you and your spouse a starting place for conversation and learning more about each other.

Please remember to speak the truth in love and listen well.

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Image credit Lori Byerly

Safe At Home: The Best Defense Isn't Usually Helpful in Marriage Being defensive can become offensive. Instead, explain and explore.

 To Love, Honor and Vacuum: How Much Is Reasonable to Expect From Your Spouse? Some great advice on dealing with expectations.

How to Clean Stuff I found this site just mutzing around on the Internet. Nice resource to bookmark.

Your husband does some kind of work (whether he brings home all the bacon or is a stay-at-home dad).

It's challenging to get out of bed each day and face his work responsibilities.

Let him know how much you appreciate his effort.

Never pass up an opportunity to speak a kind word of appreciation. There are six billion people on the planet, and 5.9 billion of them go to bed every night starving for one honest word of appreciation.  Matthew Kelly

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Happy Wives Club: We Said 'I Do' … Again Happy 10th anniversary, Fawn & Keith!

This week's ebook bundle is about beauty & fashion:

Embracing Beauty by Trina Holden
The No Brainer Wardrobe by Hayley Morgan
Energy Explosion by Arabah Joy
Frumps to Pumps by Sarah Mae
100 Pound Loser by Jessica Heights

I watched Pride and Prejudice the other night (for the first time).

I don't normally watch chic flicks (just my personal taste), but a friend twisted my arm and lent the movie to me, so ...

There was one scene between the two main characters (Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy) that was absolutely painful and I saw it coming. I kept thinking, surely Elizabeth will be gracious. Nope. She hauls off and blisters Mr. Darcy over some pretty serious assumptions. She didn't take the time to find out all the facts.

Have I been guilty of that? You bet. And I've been deeply sorry and am, hopefully, learning to dig up all the facts before responding. That and, even when there is something to be upset about, it's still a good plan to speak kindly and respectfully.

Not a bad skill to learn and one that will benefit any relationship (and especially your marriage relationship).

He who loves purity of heart, and whose speech is gracious, will have the king as his friend.  Proverbs 22:11  ESV

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Do Not Disturb: Marriage Challenge: Personal Pursuits and a Question Make margin in your life for personal pursuits. It's healthy and beneficial for you and your marriage. 

Square1 Ministries: Barriers to Intimacy – A Wife’s Perspective Be aware of these potential problems and be proactive in finding solutions. 

Stuff I've Recommended This Week

From time to time I have folks offer to send me books to read and hopefully recommend.

I have a fairly strict policy of only recommending things that I like or use or that I think a fair number of y'all will like or use. So when someone asked me to read a memoir, I had my doubts (never had much luck with memoirs).

The book in question? The Artist's Daughter by Alexandra Kuykendall.

I was pleasantly surprised. I actually read it in one day (yes, I'm a fast reader). The story captured me and I had to read it to its conclusion.

The author talks through her daddy hunger, her need for approval, her marriage problems and her struggle with tragedy. I was also impressed with how supportive the MOPS groups were in her life. The connections and encouragement were amazing.

I walked away having seen God's faithfulness and the strength that comes from family and fellowship. I was inspired by the author's courage and her willingness to let others see into her life struggles.

I may have to give memoirs more of a chance.

... God, the artist of all things true and beautiful, loved me, called me into existence, claimed me as his daughter, and never left.  Alexandra Kuykendall

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The Generous Husband: Got Health Care? If you are looking for a good health care option, check out the Health Co-op. It costs less and qualifies under the Affordable Health Care Act (USA stuff the rest of the world can ignore).

Stupendous Marriage: Lots of Ways to Love Your Spouse An amazing list of ideas to bless your sweetie (thanks, Ann!).

One Flesh Marriage: Tear the Book In Half Great encouragement to deal with your own stuff.

Kate of One Flesh Marriage shared 10 Confessions of a Marriage Blogging Wife. I thought it was great because it showed "real life" and made "growing your marriage" feel more real and do-able. This gal blogs beautifully about marriage and yet, like you and me, she is just one gal moving through life, trying to have a healthy marriage.

Truth is we are all in process (y'all, take all those folk off the pedestals). God is growing us up to look like Jesus and we are on the way. We have not arrived. We can learn from each other and be encouraged by each other. And, hopefully, we can offer grace to each other.

In the interest of sharing a bit of reality, here are my 10 confessions.

1. I don't study my Bible every day. I usually get around to it a few times a week (right now I'm in Philippians). I do pray every day because I've worked to have conversation all day with God. I try not to do too much of that out loud (no need in worrying folks if you don't have to).

2. I'm amazed at what The Generous Wife has become. I started the blog because I was frustrated. I had tried to do several things and I just kept being told "no." It was a difficult time in my life where little outside of my marriage was working. It's amazing how God can work good out of bad.

3. I've had body image issues all my life. My older sister was beautiful. I was beanpole of a kid. By the time I figured out I looked just fine, I started gaining weight. I've struggled with weight for a number of years now and I'm just now getting a handle on a healthy life. I've lost around 25 pounds and I'm learning to keep it off. There are days that losing one pound feels small and insignificant because I have more to go. Then there are the effects of aging - the drooping, the wrinkles ...

I realized one day that I was saying no to opportunities because of my appearance. That really got to me. God and people are more important than that, so I've been listening to God and my sweetie more and tuning out my culture. Some days I do pretty well. Other days not so much.

4. I hate scrubbing the bathtub, so it doesn't get done often enough. (If you ever come to my house, please don't peek.) Other than that, my house stays neat (everything has a place) and housework gets done when it gets done. When I had my kids at home (I'm now an empty-nester) I had the same struggles y'all have (I think Legos should have warning labels on the package).

5. I was sexually abused as a kid. It has been unbelievably tough facing and dealing with it. If God wasn't the nicest nag I would probably be living in a padded cell drinking jello through a straw. In retrospect it's been worth it, but sometimes I just want to wail about all the abuse in the world. My favorite tool is Theophostic Prayer (yes, I know at first glance it looks kind of goofy, but it's the real deal). My sex life is pretty good now. I've learned to enjoy and look forward to sex. I think that would be called a miracle.

6. I'm surprised at the changes in my life as an empty-nester. I used to carry my kids around in the back of my head. I knew where they were and what they needed pretty much at all times. That's all gone, so there's like a hole in my head. I also used to bake cookies and color and drive the kids places and ... that's all gone too.

So far I'm handling it OK (though there's a little bitter/sweet nostalgia going on). I'm having a good time with my sweetie working and playing. I'm trying to let go of one season gracefully and pick up the new season with excitement.

7. I like mystery novels. They're usually creative and they make for a bit of entertainment when I need a break. I stay away from most romance novels. I had a couple of run ins with them during my life where I used them for escape. I decided that the real people in my real life deserved a real wife/mom/friend so I gave them up.

8. I'm blessed to have great friends. It wasn't always so. I've been through some dry seasons where I felt very much alone, so I am very grateful for the friends I have now.

9. I'm struggling with my current church situation. I love the people in my local gathering, but there isn't much of a place for me to serve. I greet folks at the door, help with clean up, help facilitate a small group and generally encourage anyone I can. I just feel like I'm not using my gifts there. I'm praying about what that might look like.

10. I love spending time with my husband. We work from home so we are together most of the time. It works pretty well for us. I'm kind of mystified as to how that happened. I'm just glad it works.

Feel free to add your own confessions, both your successes and your struggles. We can learn from and be encouraged by the lives of others.

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Hot, Holy and Humorous: Holy or Happy? What's the Purpose of Marriage? Preach it, preach it, preach it!

Calm Healthy Sexy: "Rolling Things Around" in Your Mind Give yourself time to think.

The Forgiven Wife: A Blessed Wife This post is an amazing expression of the ripple effect of change.

Lately I've heard a number of people rave about Fred 2.0. The title of the book had me curious and I respect the folks who recommended it. 

When I looked into it, I found that Fred 2.0 is a collection of ideas and stories based on a previous book, The Fred Factor (reviews). I figured I should probably read The Fred Factor first to get the ground work.

I'm a firm believer that everyone is an amazing individual and that we choose much about our lives, so The Fred Factor was totally encouraging to me. It centers around a postal carrier named Fred who gives friendly and impressive service (an ordinary person turning an ordinary job into something quite extraordinary). 

How many of us feel that our lives are just ordinary? I know there are days that I do. After I've done the dishes, vacuumed, cleaned up after the dog (he's taking to chewing the contents of the bathroom wastebasket, bad Widget), dumped the spam in my In box, ... well, what can I say?

This book helps you see that everyone can make a difference (that means you and me too). Some of the most ordinary chores can be extraordinary with a bit of imagination. Though the book is somewhat business-y, the author makes the point that it works for all areas of life, including family life. He shares truckloads of stories and some simple guidelines for being extraordinary. (I especially liked his "practice the one-a-day plan" where you turn the ordinary into the extraordinary one act at a time.)

I'm looking for ways to implement the concepts in my marriage, with my friends, on The Generous Wife, where I serve in church gatherings and more. I'm excited because it is so do-able.

This book is short and easy to read, which is great if you are strapped for time or have a dangerously tall pile of books to read.

The Fred Factor 
Fred 2.0

I'm off to read Fred 2.0!

Convert your job (life?) into one you love, not by doing a different job, but by doing the one you have differently!  Mark Sanborn (parenthesis mine)

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SafeAtHome: Is Your Family Led or Driven? Slow down and make meaningful decisions for your family life.

Intimacy in Marriage: To Bless or to Harm? How Are You Using Sex in Your Marriage? There is no acceptable middle ground between "bless" and "harm." Be emotionally and physically invested.

Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage: Idol of Happiness – Part 1 Putting "happy" in its place.