What’s OK? What’s Not?

April 3, 2010

(a shortened form of the original article) by Paul & Lori

We often get questions like “Is oral sex OK?” or “My husband wants to make a video of us in the bedroom. Is this a sin?” The reason that we get so many of these questions is probably because the Bible does not specifically speak to everything that a couple can do sexually. Where scripture is silent we must look at biblical principles to try to build outlines for what is and is not allowable in the marriage bed.

Let’s start with what the Bible does say.

We are to abstain from immoral sex. The Bible indicates the following are sin:

fornication/unmarried sex (Ga 5:19, 1 Co 7:2 & 36)
adultery (Ex 20:14, Mt 5:27)
homosexuality (Le 18:22, Ro 1:26-27)
bestiality (Le 18:23 & 20 :15-16)
prostitution (Le 19:29, De 23:17, Pr 23:27, 1 Co 6:15-16)
incest ((le 18:6)

We are to have sex only in marriage; one man with one woman. (Mt 19:4-5, 1 Ti 3:2 & 12)

We are to lovingly meet the legitimate sexual needs and wants of our spouse. (1 Co 7:3-5)

The preceding are all direct Biblical commands. In addition there are requirements set out for us as believers, and as husbands and wives which add the following restrictions:

Love for our spouse, and respect for the bodies and minds God created, requires us to avoid anything which can cause serious problems: (Eph 5:29 & 33, 1 Cor 6:19)

physically
medically
emotionally
mentally
spiritually
relationally

We should never push our spouse to compromise their beliefs. (Ro 14:1, 14 & 23)

We are not to be controlled by anything. (1 Co 6:12 & 10:23

Anything that does not violate these principles should be okay within the marriage bed. That said, it’s important that our sexual activities benefit our sense of intimacy and oneness as a couple.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

jessicaorris November 26, 2010 at 8:05 pm

this is profound. i wish my husband was a Christian. I hope he will find God someday.

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Abby February 6, 2013 at 5:33 pm

Excellent. I agree.
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