Who He Is vs. His Behavior

September 26, 2016

in the generous life

When I was a kid, family members were known to say, “You are so stubborn.”

Now, honestly, I’m not sure I was really being stubborn (family dynamics were not the healthiest), but it was a name, a label. What they said was about me, not about something I was doing in that moment. It labeled me a “bad” or “not acceptable.” It would have been so much kinder (and more truthful) to say I was acting a bit stubborn and talk to me about the “why.”

Who He Is vs. His Behavior - Love and accept him. Behaviors can change.

Names and labels can hurt. They also tend to stick and become a part of how we see ourselves and how people continue to talk about us.

That said, please be careful about how you address problems with your husband. He’s a sweetie. He may have issues with his behavior from time to time. Keep the two separate and also let him know he is loved and wanted. Behaviors can change.

Watch the nick names too. (Funny can be funny, but it can also be hurtful.)

Words can inspire. And words can destroy. Choose yours well.  Robin Sharma


Prayer Prompt  Ask God to help you use words to build up your sweetie.


The Generous Husband: Why “Can I Be Pathetic?” Is A Great Question Be kind when he has one of those days.


The Forgiven Wife: Lost in Translation Understand and work with your gender differences.


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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Courtney September 26, 2016 at 2:17 am

Oh my, this has definitely come at such a good time! Reading this opened my eyes and convicted me about a little ‘label’ habit I’ve fallen into with hubby recently. Thank you for reminding me that he’s my sweetie – I’ll be sure to make sure he feels extra loved!

Your wisdom and thoughtfulness is so appreciated :) thank you!


Lori - The Generous Wife September 26, 2016 at 1:57 pm

I’m glad the post was an encouragement to you. :) Thank you for your kind words.


Jerry Stumpf September 28, 2016 at 8:35 am

Lori – wonderful post to remind us the old adage is wrong “words do hurt us!”
It is frightful how our words do affect other folks image.

Married couples can use the God-given privilege to encourage our spouse. Building our spouse’s self esteem is a reassured lifelong adventure. I have seen it first hand over many years remove harmful “labels” my bride laboriously carried.

I have called her “beautiful lady” for over 42 years and it took at least a couple decades before she believed I meant it for something other than a nudge towards the bedroom.

Telling her I see her as my beautiful bride every day in many avenues has allowed her to encourage other women.

It works the other way as well. I have felt less than a man because I am short, by the worlds standards and next to my brother – 6’1″ and I am 5’6″. She constantly tells me I am the right height for her which causes me to feel a lot taller than I am.

Here is a post where I received several comment: Make your wife feel each day that she is the only aim of your affection. http://wp.me/p50Bqq-1K


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