Last night my husband and I had a “difficult moment.”
We didn’t really fuss at each other, but we both felt belittled by our exchange.
I said, “You’re [doing this].” He said, “I’m [doing that].” We disagreed “nicely,” but we both had wounds that made it feel like we were calling each other stupid. <sigh>
At least we played nice and were able to talk through our feelings. We offered each other encouragement (“Of course, you’re not stupid.”).
In retrospect, one thing that would have helped is if I had not labeled or defined his behavior. Telling him what he was doing was a bad plan and I’m sure felt quite disrespectful. I don’t like it when people do that to me either.
The tricky part will be in paying attention to my own words. I need to talk about what is happening to/with me and let him work out his half of the exchange. “I don’t understand” or “I don’t know what you are asking for” might have been a better choice.
Communication works for those who work at it. John Powell
Unveiled Wife: Healthy Marriages Start with Healthy People Great guest post by “J” of Hot, Holy and Humorous. Get healthy!
The Forgiven Wife: Do Your Baby Daddy Plan a little play time for Father’s Day.
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