Learning to Live With Your Dreamer

April 11, 2014

in the generous life

My husband and I were in the “the city” shopping when we stopped for a bite to eat. As we munched we couldn’t help but overhear a gal at a nearby table venting all over her friend.

The problem? She was upset with her husband’s dreams and she had apparently given him an earful about it.

I really do understand how difficult it is to be married to a dreamer. I’m married to a crazy man myself (I say that in love, really).

But dreams are important to people. They make us who we are. You can learn to live with your dreamer without destroying his dreams.

How you ask?

Start by listening. Affirm the heart attitudes and anything that sounds even remotely sane. (I think it’s great that you want to serve the needy, maybe we could start with the local youth center until we figure out what it would take to move to Mozambique.) Ask questions. What is it he really loves about this dream (there may be a number of different ways to make it come true). Pray for and with him. Help him see his dream through your eyes. Don’t tell him no, ask him to help you make a wise and realistic plan (given who you both are and where you are in life). In doing so you help ground the dreamer (who may not have thought through all the practical stuff).

I think also it’s helpful to your dreamer if he understands that your time and energy are limited. You love him and his dream matters, but it’s his dream. You will help where you reasonably can (and you won’t do anything truly harmful or unwise).

And, do realize, that most dreams fade and are replaced by other dreams as we move through life. Paul and I have dreamed many a dream. Some have faded, some we tried and failed, others we chased and caught.

Let your guy have all the dreams he wants. Let him muddle around in them and feel the heart of them. Hold his hand and walk through the process of making them come true (or perhaps encourage him to dream other dreams when they begin to fade).

Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your soul.   Napoleon Hill

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Journey to Surrender: Radical Obedience Be obedient to what you know God has called you to be or to do for your husband.

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Happy Wives Club: The Marriage Tip Only Few People Know (P.S. It Changes Everything) Stick to the original emotion.

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Fierce Marriage: The “15 Second Kiss” Experiment I like this one.  :)

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Image credit © Vladimir Nikulin | Dreamstime.com

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Tara April 11, 2014 at 4:31 pm

Lori,
Can I suggest a blog post for your readers too? I read this today and it really spoke to me about how much I let my husband love me. I immediately thought of your daily recommended reading and how much I bet your readers would appreciate this post too.

http://bethwoolsey.com/2014/04/when-i-stopped-hating-my-husband-for-loving-me/#comments

Blessings!
Tara

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Lori - The Generous Wife April 11, 2014 at 7:02 pm

Thanks for the link, very encouraging. I went on to read more of her blog (and laughed so hysterically that my husband wonders about me). I want a Wonder Woman neighbor. :)

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Tara April 12, 2014 at 6:51 pm

I’m so glad you enjoyed it! I stumbled upon her blog about a year ago and I take turns laughing hysterically and weeping. She’s very gifted at writing about me. ;-)

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Gaye @CalmHealthySexy April 12, 2014 at 6:41 am

The image of the woman castigating her husbands for his dreams hurts me. I like your balanced approach – we need to let our husband’s and our own dreams “flow,” and then look at them from all sides to see which ones we should pursue. Sometimes while we’re looking at them they change, or we see a new or better way of pursuing them.

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