Label Free Zone

March 10, 2014

in the generous life

Look for ways to specifically compliment your husband on what he DOES.

Hon, you did a great job setting up the garden.
Yummy omelette!
The car is so clean. You did an amazing job.

The theory behind this is that praise for “what you do” (set up the garden) is easier to handle than praise for “who you are” (which becomes a label like “amazing gardener”).  Labels tend to hang around and push you to continue to live up to a standard (which may or may not be reasonable).

Praise for “what you do” celebrates the moment’s accomplishment (which feels pretty good). Praise for “who you are” can make you nervous about holding on to that title. When your tomato plants don’t produce fruit does that make you a bad gardener?

Applied to the marriage relationship, it’s far easier to hear, “thank you for helping me understand your perspective, you did a great job communicating” (pat on the back) than it is to hear “you’re an amazing husband” (will he lose the title when he messes up?).

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Ferguson Values: How To Know If Your Marriage Is Conscious Love this post about awareness in marriage.

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Unveiled Wife: Discussing Sexual Intimacy With Dr. Juli Slattery & Linda Dillow Great interview with the authors of Passion Pursuit. Do also check out Juli’s new book on erotica  Pulling Back the Shades (co-authored with Dannah Gresh).

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If you are looking for something reasonable that provides for your medical costs, check out The Health Co-op (it qualifies under the Affordable Health Care act). My husband and I have been using it for over a year and we are very happy with it.

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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Erin March 10, 2014 at 10:01 am

This is a great perspective that I wish I’d had sooner!

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