Coffee Connect

February 11, 2014

in the generous life

♥ ♥ ♥ 3 days until Valentine’s Day ♥ ♥ ♥

I meet a friend for coffee most weeks. We share what is going on in our lives, brainstorm, swap prayer needs and such. It’s something I look forward to each week.

Well, last night I realized I was in serious need of face time with my sweetie (a busy month and various bouts of sickness will do that), so I invited him out to coffee.

It’s such a simple thing (and inexpensive at our local coffee shop). We talked about a couple of our dreams, about the start of the FPU we are facilitating and other bits of life. I feel so much better and I’m motivated to invite him to coffee more often.

I think it was just changing the dynamic of how we met to talk that made it work for us (no distractions and a snuggly place in the face of winter’s chill).

What can you do a little differently to connect with your sweetie? Coffee at the local coffee shop? A walk and talk? Time to snuggle and talk on the couch? A invitation to play your favorite game?

A cup of coffee shared with a friend is happiness tasted and time well spent. Author Unknown

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Calm Healthy Sexy: Is It Spring Yet? Staying Healthy, Fit and Sane When Winter Drags On Man, did I need this encouragement. There is snow, snow, snow, and more snow up here in Washington state.

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Hot, Holy & Humorous: 7 Sexy Valentine’s Gifts You Can Make These are totally easy-peasy. I love the sheet game.

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This week’s ebook bundle is a Recipe Collection:

The Breakfast Revolution by Beth Ricci
The Veggie Book by Sara, Danielle, Debra, Kayla
Better Than a Box by Katie Kimball
Back to School Slow Cooker Freezer Recipes
by Stephanie Brandt Cornais
Daily Desserts: Confectionery Concoctions to
Satisfy Your Sweet Tooth 
by Shaina Olmanson

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Dr Richard Norris February 11, 2014 at 1:51 am

Good point today. Thank you.

My wife works away from home with an hour commute either way. As I work from home I hold the fort with the kids – school runs, meals etc. By the time my wife gets home she helps tuck the kids in after she gets some time with them. Because we don’t watch TV, once the kids are in bed I generally just sit and listen to my wife share her day. I make a point to just be present with her. It keeps our relationship fresh and open. As she gets a day off in the week, we work to have a sit down together – coffee for her and herbal tea for me. Sometimes we do it at home and sometimes we go out. It helps us to connect and share what’s on our hearts and minds and do a little planning ahead. Our prayer life gets a boost too because we know better each other’s needs and concerns.

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Gaye @CalmHealthySexy February 11, 2014 at 11:02 am

Thanks so much for mentioning my post, Lori. I need to keep my own advice in mind, as we are preparing for an “epic” ice storm tonight (in SC!).

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Lori - The Generous Wife February 11, 2014 at 7:35 pm

Oh, Wow! Stay warm! (We actually got sunshine today. I was in shock.)

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Cheryl February 11, 2014 at 11:57 am

My husband is an entrepreneur and a workaholic; he works on his computer all evening after coming home from the office and all of the weekend hours that he’s allowed to. He’s perfectly okay with our togetherness being both of us on our computers (or watching TV) in the same room. I understand the challenge of keeping a competitive business thriving and not losing its foothold, but this kind of being together doesn’t do it for me. I have tolerated his choice to make business a priority all of our 30 married years, asking very little from him. However, I get silently angry sometimes, which manifests as moodiness or depression; in fact, if I were truthful, I’m sure the anger has been brewing on low constantly for years, affecting our relationship and my overall happiness with life. I’ve suggested changes periodically, but nothing sticks; it’s always back to the old routine. Well, after the last bout of depression and giving him “The Silent Treatment,” due to our lack of connectedness, I came up with solutions that even my husband likes and so far has been committed to. It’s simple—it doesn’t take much to make me happy. First: I asked him if he could leave the office a little early every day. He can’t commit to that. That’s okay. Second: We do a 30-minute project together after he gets home (usually related to home maintenance, but not always, and something we are BOTH involved in—the key here is that we do something TOGETHER that is IMPORTANT TO ME so that I am happy, and so that my need for feeling connected to him is met. He is already happy with our relationship and doesn’t need something more like I do, so the focus here is on my needs. By the way, his drive home from work is 30-minutes long, so he has that time to unwind; otherwise, I would give him some space for a little while after he gets home before I ask him to do something with me. My husband is very good at switching gears—other men might not be—so doing something together right after he gets home works for him and he is happy to do it, and committed, I might add, because he knows how important this is to me and he wants to do what he knows will make me happy. If a man doesn’t know that you are unhappy or what makes you happy, how can he do the right thing? We must speak up and tell our men what we need. It took me 30 years to figure this out! I wish we had started doing small projects together every day many years ago because I feel so connected to him now! Finally, after our little project is done, he has a couple hours to work on his computer before I want him to spend some time with me again. So, at 8:00 pm we read a book together for an hour, if we have that much time, since reading is one of the things we have in common. We started with historical fiction, a chapter book, and we are both enjoying it. Of course, we may listen to an audio online, or do something else instead. Bigger projects or outings could and should be planned for weekends. Following through on this DAILY scheduled time together makes me a very happy and satisfied woman. At 9:00 we can get in the hot tub (which he loves and needs to do every night in order to relax after a mentally demanding day) or we can go to bed early. Hot tub time does not necessarily rank high for feeding my need for connection, as my husband often likes to spend the time talking about business and politics (and I often feel obliged to be his sounding board, even though I’d rather relax). Sometimes, I have to tell him to stop talking about those subjects because it is just too much mental stimulation for me that late at night. And he’s okay with that; he’s just glad I got in the hot tub with him (with my clothes off, I might add). Anyway, SCHEDULING time together EVERY DAY is working beautifully for us. I feel so much more love and appreciation and connection with my husband now.

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Lori - The Generous Wife February 11, 2014 at 7:36 pm

Good for y’all for finding what you need to keep that connection going.

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Sophie February 12, 2014 at 4:09 am

Love this post and all the suggestions in the comments! Couldn’t have been more perfectly timed. My husband and I got rid of our TV a few years ago because we were both extremely busy with work and studies, and the TV was just taking up space without ever being turned on. During that period we would grab five minutes together whenever we could, and were just happy to be able to do that! Now our schedules are quieter and we’re realising that we’re spending more and more time watching TV online on the laptop. We were just wondering the other night what other couples do in the evenings to spend time together, and came up blank. Love the idea of working on a project together, and of going to a coffee shop together!
Please keep the suggestions coming for those of us who are little less inspired :)

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