Yesterday I talked about removing male eye candy from your Pinterest boards. A generous gal, “LJ,” responded with an interesting comment.
And while you’re at it, stop reading romance novels and erotica. Let him be enough.
I read the occasional murder mystery, but I’m not tempted to go out and murder someone. However, if I watch a fair amount of violence on TV, I become somewhat desensitized to the violence and pain around me (and because of that I’m a little less sensitive to the needs of people around me). It’s something of a continuum for me. A little can be fine, but a lot can subtly influence my thinking and attitudes in a not-so-good way.
I have to wonder if romantic novels are similar. The occasional novel may be entertaining, but a steady diet of them may influence your thinking and attitudes more than you might wish. How much are you reading? How are the characters in the novels shaping your attitudes about relationships, romance, sex and ultimately your relationship with your husband?
Be wise about your novel choices and the amount you read. This is going to be a little different person to person and novel to novel (I have friends who swear by Francine Rivers). The point being, you need to know who you are and how these stories are influencing you. A book with a romantic story line may not wreck your marriage, but if you build a desire for a certain kind of man or a certain kind of romantic expression, you may put a serious dent in your marriage relationship.
Again, be wise, and don’t try to con yourself. If you’re reading a truckload of romance novels and you’re unhappy with your man, do the math.
Now, honestly, I’m worried about this stuff. It’s a bit like porn in the sense that it creates perspectives about relationships and sex that are totally unrealistic. I don’t see how you can park some of this stuff in your brain and not have it change your perspectives in a bad way. Impetuous sex with a handsome stranger? Gumby sex? (that would be sex positions only bendable dolls can handle) Yeah, I want someone to tie me up and beat the snot out of me! So sexy. So … not.
Even if the fictional sex is between fictional consenting married adults, what are you doing in their fictional bedroom? You don’t need to be there and drag someone’s idea of “creative” sex into your mind and then into your bedroom. We’re creative gals. We don’t need Shades of Grey or fan fiction.
Deep breath and changing direction …
Let him be enough.
I love this last little bit of her comment.
Let your husband be the standard for masculinity, romance, sexuality and more. He’s the real deal.
If you have any concerns about how your reading is affecting your marriage relationship, why not take a break from the reading and focus in on your man. Spend time with him. Get to know him better by asking questions. Play together. Pray together. Focus in on what is real and actual. Enjoy your husband for the man that he is.
Do Not Disturb: The Fun Theory I want a keyboard like that!
We are THAT Family: It Turns Out We are Crazy Cat People and Other Half Truths Laughter is good medicine.
Heavenly Special Teas has a great selection of quality teas and other goodies. I’m sipping on #1006 Caramel Crème Brule right now. (When you order, please put “Lori Byerly” down as the consultant. Thanks so much.)