Driving Off Drift

January 13, 2014

in the generous life

From The Generous Wife archive:

Dan, of Leadership Freak, has an amazing post on Drift. It’s a business-y type post but much of what he writes applies to marriage as well.

Drift is where you take your eyes off of where you are going and you slowly move
away from your intended direction. The busyness of life can easily make that happen in marriage as well as business.

This point really stood out to me:

“Pointing out drift makes you look foolish because drift is no big deal at first.” 

I’ve been there. I’d be busy, my husband would be busy and I’d start noticing the little things. We’d miss a shared meal or two. Our conversations were more surface or we weren’t talking as much.

It’s easy to feel a bit foolish about pointing out the drift. It’s small and it’s just temporary, right?

The problem is that the nature of drift is that it is subtle. You take a small step and then another. Then one day you wake up and your relationship with your husband is distant. All those small (seemingly insignificant) steps have carried you apart.

My point in all of this is to take drift seriously and create some small red flags that warn you that you are drifting. Have you missed a couple of meals together this week? No sex in a week? Perhaps you haven’t had your usual talk in awhile? What signals tell you that your marriage relationship is starting to drift? 

Watch for those warning signs, take note, and just as you made those small steps to drift away, choose to make different small steps so that you drift right back toward intimacy with your sweetie. 

Be aware.
Be intentional.
Drift may look small, but it’s a big enemy.

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. “Pooh!” he whispered. “Yes, Piglet?” “Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw. “I just wanted to be sure of you.”  A.A. Milne

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Gaye @CalmHealthySexy January 13, 2014 at 10:32 am

Thanks so much for sharing my post, Lori. And thanks for the reminder not to “drift” – and the great quote from Winnie the Pooh!

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Roomtogrow January 13, 2014 at 1:27 pm

“Drift is where you take your eyes off of where you are going and you slowly move away from your intended direction.”
I’ve tried pointing out the drift and my husband always says I’m making problems where there are none. He refuses to see that the drifting has killed the promise of what we began with. Our marriage has been one LONG drift because WE have no intended direction. I would love to have direction but I can only do that for myself, not for US, if he refuses to comply. Where there is no vision the people (and the marriage) perish.

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Lori - The Generous Wife January 13, 2014 at 8:51 pm

It is disappointing when you don’t get agreement and help, but there are things you can do to keep the door open to intimacy. Praying for a dose of creativity for you and encouragement for the journey.

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