Our Value and What We Believe

January 11, 2014

in the generous life

My husband wrote an interesting post about disagreements. Basically he said if we tie our personal worth and value to the things we believe, we are going to have a hard time calmly discussing anything that rests on our beliefs. We can’t afford to be wrong in our belief because then that would make us wrong, stupid, worthless. 

If, on the other hand, our worth and value is in who God says we are and we have beliefs and opinions (some are true, some error), then it’s far easier to discuss issues and grow in our understanding of truth. We can afford to look at (and even change) what we believe, because we are growing and learning and it doesn’t effect our worth.

It also makes it easier to work through disagreements with your husband. You both have value and are loved. You are just faced with differences of opinion and belief. Some need to be worked through and sometimes you need to graciously accommodate your differences.

Paul and I took the time to study and work through our differing beliefs on giving, but we can accommodate our difference of opinion on tomatoes (he gladly eats any tomatoes that move from my plate to his).

If men would once consider one another reasonably, they would either reconcile their differences, or more amicably maintain them. William Penn

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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Robyn January 11, 2014 at 3:31 am

Thanks for sharing this. Darrell and I also share different opinions on giving … you comforted me. Not that I like to hear that other couples had a struggle but it’s nice to know we’re not alone in it.

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Lori - The Generous Wife January 12, 2014 at 12:55 pm

That’s a part of the reason I love blogs. It gives you a window into the lives of others and you find that you are not so different after all. Real people facing the same real issues.

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Alecia January 11, 2014 at 5:25 am

This is great! I, like your husband, will gladly take my husbands extra tomatoes. To the point where he never orders “no tomatoes,” he just knows they’re coming to me so I can have “extra tomatoes.” I would love to hear (read) how you go about resolving/compromising on the bigger issues.

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Lori - The Generous Wife January 12, 2014 at 12:53 pm

Thank goodness for folks who love tomatoes. :) Thanks for your comment. I’ve used it for tomorrow’s post.

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Tara January 11, 2014 at 4:04 pm

This really speaks to something God’s been working in me. Thank you.

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Lori - The Generous Wife January 12, 2014 at 12:51 pm

Blogging has its perks. As I write I’m visiting and revisiting those things that I need to hear and internalize. My worth isn’t dependent on having all the right answers. I’m growing and changing as God leads me into more truth.

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Hannah January 18, 2014 at 8:14 pm

I love what you wrote (Well what you and Paul both wrote) in regards to tying our personal worth/value to the things we believe, and in turn, having trouble calmly discussing anything that rests on our beliefs. This concept is new, but then again, not so new because it makes perfect sense and it’s definitely something I’ve struggled with in the past.

I remember distinctly an argument that I thought would destroy Adam and I because we both vehemently believed our positions to be true. I felt like my whole world was caving in because it went against everything I had been told to believe and everything I thought I believed. It ended with me in tears on the locked bathroom floor, and Adam wondering what went wrong.

Once I calmed down, I delved into God’s Word, prayed for wisdom, and consulted a Bible professor of mine from college who was well versed in the Hebrew language. All of these helped me to form my own thoughts about what I believed regarding this subject and why I believed it. While it was still slightly different from Adam’s, I could honestly “own” it myself and no longer believed it just because I had been taught all my life to believe it. I also was able to let go of the fear associated with “being wrong” and we could agree to disagree without threat of tears. Plus I realized that my worth/value is in Christ, not in my being right/wrong and that this point of contention that had so disrupted my husband’s and my night was actually not critical to my personal salvation. I am saved either way and loved either way by the God of the Universe, and if Adam and I feel differently, think differently, and believe differently, it doesn’t mean that we love each other any less.

Thanks for sharing these thoughts. And thanks also for linking back to my blog.

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