What Would You Say? (a contest)

August 8, 2013

in the generous life

domino3I just swapped emails with a gal suggesting that I ask for advice for newlyweds. That sounded like a great contest idea to me (thanks, Valerie!).

 So … hmmm … what to offer for a prize …

OK, let’s try this. Please offer your best newlywed advice as a comment to this post. On August the 19th I will randomly pick a number and the poster on that spot will win a Dominoes/Mexican Train set (or their choice of book from the Marriage Book Library).

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. Ruth Bell Graham

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Image courtesy of Amazon.com

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The Romantic Vineyard: Time To Pull Back The Curtain Debi, thanks so much for sharing your journey from bitterness and anger to joy and peace.

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To Love, Honor and Vacuum: Setting Boundaries with Your Parents Dealing with adult choices in adult relationships.

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Happy Wives Club: 6 Ways to Love Your Husband…Even Better See the best in your man and tell him.

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Alisa Garrigues August 15, 2013 at 11:28 am

Newlywed advice: Whenever you make a decision or a choice, make it in light of what is best for
your spouse.

Reply

Paladin August 15, 2013 at 12:18 pm

In addition to Pussywillow’s comments (which are excellent ones!), I’d add:

1) “The easiest words to unsay are those you haven’t spoken yet.” Think at least twice before saying anything in frustration or anger. If it needs to be said, it’s best said gently and softly (or at least civilly); if it can’t be said gently or softly or civilly, then (unless there’s a fire in the house, as one blogger puts it!) it probably shouldn’t be said at all… or at least, not yet (until you cool down).

2) If you’re hot under the collar and/or overwhelmed (which is easy to be, when you’re in the midst of a disagreement that’s going nowhere fast, and where there’s no obvious way out), don’t be afraid to take some time alone… and *relax*. Go for a drive; go see a movie; go to the library and read a (good) book. Then come back, and you’ll probably be in a better frame of mind… especially if the return drive is respectably long (and you can start thinking about your home issues again, in a “safe” zone). One note of caution: I’d recommend against using this “alone time” to connect with any other friends; it’s good to connect with friends, in general… but if you’re steamed at your spouse, and you follow it up with pleasant “relief” by sharing fellowship with other people (least of all people of the opposite sex!), that could set a bad trend, and it could drive a gradual (or not so gradual) wedge between you and your spouse.

3) Repent. Daily. To God. Yes, you also need to apologize and reconcile with your spouse when you do wrong to him/her, but you need to get right with God first. Let’s be honest: God loves us unconditionally; He understands *everything* about us and about what we’ve been through (we don’t have to spend hours and hours trying to explain away or qualify what we did, when we’re talking to Him–He knows, far better than we do); He can be trusted to love us and welcome us into His embrace no matter how stupid we’ve been, how hurt we feel, how many sins we’ve committed, or how ashamed we feel about the idea of facing anyone else. So in addition to it being the *right* thing to do (to talk to Him and get right with Him, first), it’s also the “safest-feeling” thing to do… and it’ll make all other interactions easier (especially since He’ll give the grace, and He’s yearning to be asked for it)!

Reply

Robin C August 16, 2013 at 10:21 am

Take responsibility for your own emotions, but treat your spouse kindly and generously as if his/her happiness depends on you.

Reply

Whitney Lundquist August 16, 2013 at 12:30 pm

To get started, build a foundation of fun and enjoying each other, and spend LOTS of time chatting. Basically, become really tight friends right from the start.

Reply

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