This is a tweet from The Marriage Bed from a few days ago:
If saying yes to sex communicates “I want you” what does saying no to sex communicate?
There was a great response from a gal that I want to share with you.
As a wife who has been sexually refused in the past, saying no to sex habitually communicates a whole lot of negative things. “I don’t want you,” “I don’t find you attractive or desirable,” “I don’t value your needs,” and “I don’t love you” are just a few examples. In the cases of being tired from work, it says you value work more than nurturing your relationship with your spouse. In the cases of children driving you crazy or having an actual headache, it says that you’re just looking for an excuse to physically distance yourself from your spouse or that you don’t value your spouse enough to make sex with them a priority … Saying “later” once in a while is understandable. Sex isn’t always going to be possible. Saying a flat out “no” is rarely a good idea, and by saying “no” often you are saying more than you realize.
The point that I picked up from this is that you need to value time with your husband (this includes sex) and move him farther up the priority list. Those people and things that are important to you, get taken care of. Those people and things that are not important to you get pushed off in time, if you deal with them all.
If you routinely (or even frequently) say no to sex, then something is amiss in your marriage relationship. Take the time to figure out why your husband is so far down on your priority list and keep at it until you see healthy change.
Tell your husband that you value him and then routinely show him that this is so.
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