Let’s say first thing in the morning you realize that you forgot to pay the electric bill. You think, “Stupid, why can’t I ever remember that?”
Then your kids complain about how they always get cereal for breakfast and how they want pancakes like Joey’s mom fixes. In the back of your mind, you hear “I’m substandard as a mom.”
The day continues to unfold with more messages piling on top of each other, one after the other.
At the end of the day your husband comes home, looks around the house, and frowns. You imitate Mt. Vesuvius … and he thinks you’ve lost your mind (he was actually frowning because he forgot his phone in the car).
So what’s going on here?
Each event lays a heavy load on your heart and at some point you break under the load.
The problem is that we tend to blame the whole load on the last person or situation. You are in terrible pain and it’s all their fault. In this scenario, your husband gets hit for all the hurt of your day and he’s bewildered. Even if he had done something wrong, he’s being blasted for everything. At best he’ll understand you’ve had a bad day. At worst he’ll be tempted to have you committed because you are not dealing with any reality that he can see.
I have been guilty of laying heavy loads at the feet of people who are truly not responsible. And, honestly, it’s hard to sort it all out when you feel a jumble of painful emotion.
The trick is to tease out each message and deal with them separately. Learn how to deal with each negative as soon as you reasonably can so that you don’t break under the load. Maybe even ask your husband to be your ally and sounding board for dealing with them.
If you find yourself raging or crying, ask yourself if this is the result of one event or several. If it’s a bunch of things, do the kind thing and not blame everything on one person. Give yourself time to calm down and then break up the problems and sort them out.
No, this is not always easy, but it’s wise. Don’t let the negatives pile up and skew your reality.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 ESV
Encourage Your Spouse: Love Does Not Envy Great definition for envy. Love the solution!
Warrior Wives: Practice Makes a Godly Wife Practice can change behavior.
We are THAT Family: What Every Husband Needs to Hear Pick one or two and tell your husband. He needs to hear encouraging words from you.
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