Life has a way of shaping our perspectives and that colors how we see our husbands (like colored glasses). We color what they say or do with our understanding of who we believe them to be.
That’s pretty normal, but we need to be careful not to color them wrongly or keep them so tied to our perspectives that there is no room for change.
Here are a few phrases I’ve heard over the years.
He’ll never amount to much.
My husband will take care of that.
All he wants is sex.
He never listens to me.
The best men are like my father.
Some of the lenses may seem a little good, but be careful because they may play out poorly in real life (your husband can be a really great guy even if he is nothing like your father).
The clearly destructive lenses are … well, destructive. They cause us to push our sweeties into a box that is not theirs (he really does want you for more than sex). And when the lenses are true, even then we may need to set them down and free our spouses to change (he can learn to listen).
What thoughts run through your head when you think about your husband? Have any of these thoughts become lenses that color how you see your husband? Do you need to set any of them down?
Do not expect the world (or husbands!) to look bright, if you habitually wear gray-brown glasses. Charles William Eliot (parenthesis mine)
The Unitive: Err on the Side of Generosity Absolutely amazing post on generosity by Joshua Becker.
The Forgiven Wife: Strands of Intimacy “Intimacy is about a full knowing, a working together to create a tapestry of bonds that connect, entangle, and comfort as we move forward together in life.”
To Love, Honor and Vacuum: Help! My Husband Wants Things in Bed I Hate Some great thoughts to help you figure this out in your particular situation.