Silent Expectations

April 24, 2013

in the generous life

A friend and I were talking about how expectations can cause a lot of friction in marriage, especially when you don’t voice those expectations. How can your sweetie know what you need and want if you don’t tell him?

I realize that’s a bit 101, but mostly I needed a reminder and I figured y’all might need one too. It’s easy to assume that our husbands know what we think, what we want, and what we need. They’ve lived with us for awhile and they should know, right?

Truth is, they only know what we communicate to them. Being plain about it all is a big help to them and you’ll have fewer misunderstandings, which generally means fewer arguments.

Assumptions are the termites of relationships.  Henry Winkler

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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Megan@DoNotDisturb April 24, 2013 at 5:13 am

I love when you take time to remind us of the basics. We all need it so keep it up!

Thanks again for the link up.

Blessings!

Megan

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Chris April 24, 2013 at 5:18 am

Thought you might get a kick out of a short video clip which is a good illustration of this very situation! (it’s from a Love & Respect conference by Emerson Eggerichs, entitled “Fifth Anniversary”)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiPn5Z_SNz0

Funny, funny… because we can all relate. Gotta give these husbands credit for trying, an A for effort – even when they don’t hit the nail on the head!

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libl April 24, 2013 at 6:00 am

I am battling this right now. I need certain acts in bed to climax and hubby isn’t doing them as frequently as I need. However, I am reluctant to tell him because every time I do, he gets upset and sarcastic about it and the last time we did do an act to get me to climax, he later told me he didn’t really enjoy it, though he climaxed twice! I am at a loss. It has been an 11 year battle and I sometimes wish my drive would go away. He’d be happy with a low drive wife.

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Aimee April 24, 2013 at 7:40 am

This is a reminder I needed today. Even though I know it’s true, I certainly fall in the trap of expecting my husband to magically read my mind and know why I’m down or sad or upset over something. Surprise, it doesn’t work! When I’m open and honest, he loves that and really tries to listen and do whatever he can to help me through something.
Simple, but great post!

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Debra April 24, 2013 at 7:58 am

I love this reminder. It is one of the things I often forget. My sweetie cannot read my mind. Thanks, Lori!

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The Generous Wife April 24, 2013 at 10:26 am

@ Chris Funny, funny clip. :) Thanks for sharing.

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The Generous Wife April 24, 2013 at 10:29 am

@libl So sorry you are struggling in your bedroom life. Do you know why your husband doesn’t like it? Perhaps ask him to help you find other ways of climaxing. What is it about that act that works for you? Are there other things you can do that will give you the same feel? Please don’t give up. Ask questions. Try new things.

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libl April 24, 2013 at 3:25 pm

He doesn’t like trying new things and doesn’t like talking seriously about our sex life. The acts (oral and manual) work because of the direct contact on the clitoris. Nothing else comes close to giving me such climaxes. Don’t suggest a vibrator. Neither of us want to introduce a machine into the marriage bed. God intended for the intimacy of flesh, nit a battery. For now, I pray, encourage, talk positively about what I like that he does and thank him and praise him when he does do those acts on me, for me.

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G April 25, 2013 at 9:38 am

I love Marriage 101 things. The problem is the world has a way of telling us that 101 does not matter, but if we ever forget it, it matters a lot. Kind of like trying to drive a car without putting oil in the engine.

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