Survey Results

February 1, 2013

in the generous life

♥ ♥ ♥ 13 days to Valentine’s Day! ♥ ♥ ♥

Awhile back I mentioned a survey and then promptly forgot to tell y’all about the results (thanks, Rebecca, for reminding me). I think a part of the reason I “forgot” was because I knew the answers were going to be a bit painful. 

Survey: What change in actions or behavior would you like your spouse to make as a Christmas gift?

I think the important thing to take away from this is that you need to communicate and work to resolve problems. Most of what I heard in the actual comments was a lot of pain over ongoing problems. Doing nothing just means no change and ongoing pain. Doing something may make things more difficult (yes, that is a hard reality), but it may also bring good change.

If you hear your voice in these results (or your husband’s voice) ask your husband for a time to talk. Ask questions. Listen. Ask him to listen. Then suggest some small do-able options. Work for small steps in the right direction.

MEN:

As expected, sex was the most mentioned issue, with 43 of 92 men who answered indicating they wanted more or better. About half of these specifically want her to initiate more often.

Other top issues, with the number who listed them:

Better communication – 9
Respect me/Don’t criticize me – 7
More time together – 6
Work on anger / have more patience – 6
Work on her health/weight – 5
Clean-up better/ be more organised – 5

WOMEN:

More women answered (174) and their answers were less easily put into clear categories. More than half could be summed up as “Treat me nice!” In other words, show her attention and affection, give her compliments, romance her, cherish her, make her feel special, and don’t be rude. 

There were 13 requests for more time together, and 11 of those specifically complained about him spending too much time with technology – video games, computer, and TV.

Top issues, with the number who listed them:

Be nice to me!  – 53
Help out: Without being asked, or ask what you can do PICKUP AFTER YOURSELF!    – 20 
Communication: Show attention & focus, don’t be harsh – 18 
Less anger/ more patience – 13
Spend more time with me -13
The kids: Spend more time with them & help with them -12
Integrity: A couple of these were “stop lying” but most were “do what he says he will” and “finish what he starts” – 12
Health issues: Weight, smoking, exercise, drinking, drugs – 12
Spiritual: Pray with her and/or kids, be spiritual leader – 11
Spend less time on games/TV/computer – 11
Sex: Initiate, show desire for HER rather than sex, try new things, be sure to give her pleasure – 10
Better personal hygiene – 5
Stop lusting after other women – 4
More non-sexual touch – 4
Work on financial situation – 4

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Image courtesy of 89studio / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

joe February 5, 2013 at 7:31 am

Solving each other’s top concerns will likely solve a majority of the issues. We will be a lot nicer if the sex was better and more frequent. And I’m sure if we were nicer, the sex would be better and more frequent.

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