It’s a Choice

September 6, 2012

in the generous life

I was lying in bed this morning thinking about one of the pivotal moments in my generous adventure.

I had just ripped my husband a new one, fussing him up one side and down the other. He was wise (scared?) enough not to respond and I walked away in a huff. About 20 seconds later I realized that I had responded to a “2” event like it was a “57” and that my husband hadn’t really deserved any of my (oh, let’s just call it what it was) tantrum. When I calmed down further I sought him out to apologize.

I also made the decision not to go after my husband in anger like that again. No matter what he had done, he did not deserve what I had just done to him. You have to know it is deeply harmful and shaming to have someone dump their anger on you like that and no one really deserves to be treated that way (especially the man I love and married). What was I thinking?

Somewhere in the back of my head I had allowed behavior like that to be acceptable. Well, no more.

I made the choice and I have stuck with it. Yes, I get mad. I even get mad at my husband, but lashing out in anger is a no go. I can act like an adult and talk about problems calmly. If I need a break to calm down, I take a break.

How we act is a choice.

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.  Will Rogers

Image courtesy of stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Here’s a easy conversation starter ~ Encouragers Start Conversations (from Encourage Your Spouse) 

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Some practical ideas on how to Take Your Thoughts Captive (from One Flesh Marriage)

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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Patsy September 6, 2012 at 6:41 am

what an amazing post. I too have been there and now, I know the person writing the blog has too. I vowed to change my attitude/behavior. The anger might come but the responce is mine. I needed to take a break last week instead of lashing out. I am asking God to help me never have a tantrum again: it is not pretty.

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Kate September 6, 2012 at 7:14 am

I love this Lori and I can say that I was that wife too, for way too long. That is how my family communicated, so I didn’t think much on what it was doing to my hubby! Yet, I knew what it felt like to be lashed out against. Thank you so much for sharing this! :) You are a blessing! Kate

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Robyn Gibson September 6, 2012 at 9:59 am

I must say, I’ve been guilty of this as well. Eventually you get sick of that awful taste that you are left with, some how it seems to leak from your heart up to your mouth.

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Beth September 6, 2012 at 3:45 pm

I’ve been there, Lori. It’s a part of my past that I regret deeply. But every day, like you, I commit myself to letting the Holy Spirit control me rather than my temper. This is a great reminder. Thanks for your commitment and refreshing authenticity!

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Virginia September 9, 2012 at 11:19 pm

Yes! This hit home so hard when I was battling postpartum depression. I took too long to realize that, while the frustration, anger, feeling overwhelmed, etc was “normal”, my response to it all was still a choice. I hated the way I was treating my poor husband and kids, and asked God to give me the peace and self-control I needed in those tough moments. He helped me realize when I was facing one of those times – to step away and view it from the outside, in a way – and deal with it in a more appropriate way. He has the power to free us from ourselves and I give Him the thanks and glory!

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