Alecia (of Marriage Life) just wrote an excellent blog post about Secrets to a Happy Marriage. One of her secrets really spoke to my heart.
3. Lower your expectations.
Sure, it’s good to have expectations. It’s good to set the bar high. It’s good to be a person who knows what he/she wants. But your expectations are based on your upbringing, your experiences, your personality, your likes/dislikes.
If we put expectations on our spouses that are not at all based on who they are our marriage will eventually implode. We have to make room for flexibility and grace. Our spouse isn’t going to be exactly like what we envisioned. They aren’t going to be and do everything exactly how we want it done. They’re going to be and do in ways that come naturally to them.
This one is a great lead in to the best secret of them all… (I’ll let this line tease you into reading the rest of her article)
I think beyond this, your spouse is an amazing person. If you put your specific “this is how we need to do this” expectations on them, you will, in effect, put a limit on who they really are and what God wants to do in their life.
I’m delighted when I see my husband exploring his world (and, no, it’s not always convenient). He’s developed new habits, new interests and gone on many wonderful new adventures. If I try to corral him with my expectations, we both would have missed out on that. My world is richer because I decided my husband’s individuality was more important that living inside my expectation-driven box.
Please understand that I am not suggesting that you should not ask for what you want and need from your husband (and, yes, you should expect certain things like fidelity and general kindness). I’m saying that within the scope of your relationship, you each need to explore fully who you are designed to be and not lock each other up with expectations.
From now on, I’ll connect the dots my own way. Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes
Image credit © Gemenacom | Dreamstime.com
Just lovin’ these prayers ~ Friday Prayer: Wisdom From Above (from Elevate You Marriage)
Yup! ~ Putting Some Healthy Limits on Technology I want to go to that restaurant. (from Safe at Home)