One More Time

August 17, 2012

in the generous life

This week have sex one more time than normal.

Yes, you will need to plan for the time and energy you’ll need (you might have to put the kids down early, simplify your day so that you are done shortly after dinner, or set your alarm clock to go off earlier in the morning), but that extra time of intimacy will be worth it.

My beloved is mine, and I am his.  Song of Songs 2:16a  ESV

Image credit © Megastocker | Dreamstime.com

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Enter to Win a Date Night, courtesy of the “Marriage Retreat” movie.

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Take the pressure off with a “good enough job” ~ The Messy Perfectionist- Are You One? (from Home Sanctuary)

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Run, baby, run! ~ The Bible’s Answer to Sexual Temptation (from Hot, Holy & Humorous)

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

JohnWilder August 17, 2012 at 2:43 am

Statistics according to Kinsey is that married women over thirty have their husbands on a starvation diet of sex once a week or less. This is a form of bullying on the part of the wife of a husband who typically needs sexual relief 3-4 times a week.

According to I Cor 7 the wife nor the husband has the right to withhold sex from their partner. The churches are doing a horrendous job about teaching sexual roles. They completely ignore the scripturally mandated ministry in Titus 2 where: “The older wives of the church are supposed to teach the younger wives of the church how to love their husbands (sexually)… so that the Word of God is not blasphemed”.

Now it is not entirely the wife’s fault. The churches teach her from the time that she was a little girl that sex is bad, dirty and wrong and that “good girls don’t do it”. This often negatively conditions a woman for life from fully embracing her sexuality. The other reason is that there is no
“school for sex” to teach men how to give their wives great sex and it becomes a chore for her instead of a pleasure. My book resolves these and many problems including how to have good conflict resolution and stop fighting with your spouse.

John Wilder

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The Generous Wife August 17, 2012 at 10:07 am

@John
My personal take is that “starvation diets” of all kinds are a human problem, not just a “woman bullying the man over sex” problem (and, just for the record, there is a growing problem of men holding out on women sexually).

That said, the enemy certainly has worked hard to lead us into sexual messes.

I figure you start with your marriage, learn God’s perspectives about sex and then ask for His help to make that a reality in your marriage.

And, being the practical sort, it starts with things like planning to have sex one more time this week. You find that you can do it and that it makes a difference in the level of intimacy in your marriage. I call that incentive to repeat the plan.

(As an aside, I don’t really trust Kinsey’s research. He did some really creepy stuff and then tried to apply it to folks living regular lives. I’m not arguing that people typically need sex x number of times to be healthy and happy in their marriage. I’m just saying Kinsey’s research is skewed toward the perverse and since I can’t trust most of his stuff, even when he gets it right I’m not going to point to his research.)

Reply

ron August 19, 2012 at 4:55 am

Lori, I read your blog and love it! I am a 50 year old male.

I was on a starvation sex diet for the first 15 years we were married. Once a week or less was it. Once we had sex for the week, she was done at least for a week or 10 days and that wasn’t nearly enough for me. I eventually became resentful, felt unloved. I told her I didn’t get enough of just general touch etc, but intimacy was something she didn’t seem need or want and certainly wasn’t giving it. She has changed though, we now have sex 2 or 3 times a week usually, maybe sometimes a little less, but I can live with that. I still don’t quite get the touch or hugging part as much as I would like, but it is better.

People can change, but if you are the one causing the starvation, your mate might starve to death before you change.

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Anne August 19, 2012 at 6:23 pm

That’d be nice! Especially since my hubby is going to be gone for almost 2 weeks! I tried this morning, but alas. Do I need to be more aggressive? I wish he was!

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Anne August 23, 2012 at 7:57 pm

He did it! I asked him, and he came through, and he initiated! At it was great! Twice in one week! woo hoo! ;)

Reply

The Generous Wife August 23, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Congrats, @Anne. Sometimes all it takes is being nicely persistent.

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