Sexual Partner

August 3, 2012

in the generous life

From The Generous Wife archive:

I have a perspective to share with y’all.

You are your husband’s only sexual partner.  If your husband is going to have his sexual needs legitimately met, it will be by you.  If you don’t meet his needs, and to a certain extent his wants, he goes “hungry.”  There is no substitute wife who can fill in for you.

It’s a scary and vulnerable place to be for a husband.  Your husband needs for you to be his sexual partner.  If you don’t, he has no legitimate place to turn.  He craves that intimacy – physically, emotionally, relationally and spiritually.

I do not believe that this is an insignificant need.  Sexuality is an integral part of both men and women.  Making time to be sexual with your spouse is a good, healthy and important choice to make.

In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves.  The process never ends until we die.  And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility. Eleanor Roosevelt.

Image credit © Yuri Arcurs | Dreamstime.com

line

Another bandwagon member ~ Sex Positive Voices ~ this one from Megan (of Do Not Disturb)

line

Marriage Works! draws a good point from the Olympics ~ Make Adjustments in Marriage to keep your marriage working well.

line

The Romantic Vineyard wins the gold with this Olympic analogy ~ Not Good Enough

line

 

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Veronica August 3, 2012 at 2:38 am

Good post. I’d like some posts about the flip side tho. Husbands meeting their wife’s sexual needs. Or just ways that women can deal with having a greater sex drive than their husbands. It seems like alot of times in the Christian world most of what we hear is about satisfying HIS needs and sometimes I think that men forget that women actually have a sex drive to.

Reply

Geremina August 3, 2012 at 5:24 am

This is very True

Reply

Lynn August 3, 2012 at 7:19 am

Intimacy is a two-way street. I meet DH needs and he meets mine because we talk about what we like, what we don’t like and what we need from each other. We only share our feelings about intimacy with each other – not my girlfriends, NOT my mother, not his friends. We trust each other enough to know that our likes and dislikes will only be discussed between us. Opening the lines of communication in the bedroom, opens them up in the other “rooms” of your life too. I am so thankful that we learned this early on in our marriage, 20 years later we are still HOT for each other!

Reply

The Generous Wife August 3, 2012 at 9:12 am

@Veronica A very good point. Unfortunately I do not have the ear of men as my blog is addressed to women. My husband does address this on The Generous Husband, so women can encourage their husbands to follow his blog.

As far as ways that women can deal with it? I think it is important to identify and deal with sex drive “stealers” like stress, busyness, porn use, depression, etc. and then work to build all areas of your marriage. I think also there is a place to appeal to his integrity. What I just wrote for men is true of women also. Our husbands are our only legitimate source for sex. They need to know this and be encouraged to take care of our sexual needs.

Reply

casey August 3, 2012 at 10:09 am

What if the wife is the one who craves exponetially more than the husband? What if said husband almost seems to not want it due to fear of wife trying to control him with it even though she has never tried and swore to never try bc she love her DH as is?

Reply

Jon August 3, 2012 at 11:50 am

As a husband who has been rejected sexually for the last six years from my wife I must say that I agree. I am lost and confused by the loss of intimacy and connection. It is not just the physical but the emotional and spiritual bond that is now gone. My wife has told me NEVER. She hates sex and believes that it is not important. She has told me that it is her body and it does not belong to me. We both attend church however, I have withdrawn from serving in the church because of the brokenness in my marriage. I feel shame every single minute of the day. Thanks for writing this.

Reply

Quinona August 3, 2012 at 11:54 am

Wow, I have never really thought about it this way. Thank you so much for sharing this!!

Reply

The Generous Wife August 3, 2012 at 2:39 pm

@Jon and @Casey Any time you are at an impasse with your spouse (you are stuck), I think it’s good to involve a third party. Find a counsellor or minister that you are both fairly comfortable with and address the problems. If you’re spouse won’t go, go by yourself. A good counsellor can help you sound out a healthy way for you to address the problems from your end.

Reply

Dee August 3, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Thank you for the encouragement. What do you do when it’s all about sex, but no relationship/intimacy? I am all for being there for my husband sexually, but really struggle with not feeling used because he doesn’t spend time with me or “be there” for me. I tried to gently speak with him on this, saying I have a harder time “warming” up to him when he behaves so disinterested in my life. I refuse to feel the pain I used to, finally realizing this is his hurdle to overcome.

Reply

Mommy Joys August 7, 2012 at 4:45 am

Hi, I don’t often comment, because I get your tips via email. I love getting you daily reminders to be generous–thank you so much! This tip resonated so much with me that I was compelled to click over to comment. I often tell this same thing to wives. I usually start by pointing out that most women’s greatest need is emotional connection. If a wife is not connecting emotionally with her husband, she has other places where she can legitimately go for friendship and a listening ear. In fact, I think that most wives cultivate close friendships with other women, and these friendships can be a wonderful source of encouragement. Of course, it’s always best if a woman’s husband is her best friend, and I think we all need to pray and work to maintain that closeness. But if most men need sexual intimacy the way that most women need emotional intimacy, then they are truly in a vulnerable place, as you say. I tell married ladies that if we wives do not provide a fulfilling sex life to our husbands, they have no legitimate place to go to get their need met. It is tragic. If the husband wants to be pleasing to God, then he is trapped in a sexual wasteland, unless his wife changes and decides to become available to him.

Reply

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge

Previous post:

Next post: