10 Confessions from a Sex-Positive Wife

July 27, 2012

in the generous life

Julie did it.

Now “J” has gone and done it.

I just can’t resist this band wagon ~

10 Confessions from a Sex-Positive Wife

1. Well, I just enjoy sex. I found out that sex feels “pretty good” (you have to say that with a Texan drawl to get the full effect) and experiencing it with the man I love and share my life with is deeply satisfying.

2. I like myself more. I used to feel quite broken because I didn’t enjoy sex (what’s wrong with me?). Now I feel like everything is in working order and I think I am also having less body-image issues. My sweetie enjoys my body and says I’m beautiful. Who am I to argue?

3. I respect myself more. I used to struggle with guilt because I said “not tonight” far too often. Now that I enjoy sex with my sweetie, I’m tickled pink that I can wear that boy out. (I don’t think he’s complaining either.)

4. My husband and I are more comfortable with each other. There’s a softness and openness in our relationship. We are each other’s “safe harbor.” We have greater intimacy and can trust each other with our hearts. (I know there are other parts of our relationship that build this too, but sex does it in a way that nothing else can.)

5. My husband and I have a stronger team mentality. Sex is something we do only with each other. We are a team. That carries over into the other areas of our lives.

6. I’m more sensual. In the past, I think my fear of sex kept me closed off from experiencing and enjoying anything sensual. Now I enjoy the feel of the wind, the beauty of peas growing in the garden, and the sound of rain in the middle of the night.

7. I’m more relaxed. Aside from the fact that the physical act of sex just relaxes you, I find that being more sexual has helped me take the frantic-ness of life down a notch or two … and I sleep better.

8. I do the happy dance anytime I get an email from someone who is becoming more sex-positive. I probably look silly, but I figure this kind of growth deserves a little celebration.

9. I know there’s a good chance that my kids will have a healthy sex life in their marriages. We tend to live out what our parents model for us. I hope they catch it bad.

10. I think it make Jesus happy. Yeah, I know that might sound a bit creepy, but God designed us to want and enjoy sex with our spouse. I figure I should take him up on his gift (rather than tell him “No, thanks, not interested.”).

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Marriage on Purpose ~ a challenge from Journey to Surrender. “The purpose of my marriage is ____________.” 

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This idea could be adapted to all kinds of situations ~ Gimme Some Sugar (from The Romantic Vineyard)

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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

beyond frustrated July 27, 2012 at 1:54 am

As a completely frustrated husband, it must be nice.

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Julie Sibert July 27, 2012 at 4:58 am

I love it Lori!! Yeah! Maybe all the other women marriage bloggers out there will chime in as well with their 10 Confessions! I hope sooo!

Blessings to you friend! You’re one of my heroes!

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Em July 27, 2012 at 5:18 am

Lori
Thanks SO much for your daily positive input! It has been such an encouragement to me as I learn to be a wife and learn to embrace (and feel confident in!) my God-given sexuality within our marriage.
I had great parents, but still there was an adjustment once marriage came: I had thoroughly learned “sex(y) is bad/unGodly” from the worldly connotations from videos, and this culture we are in. I didn’t know what WAS good, and NOT shameful.
That is what I struggled the most with, insecurity, fear that I might do something “bad”, shame that I was not “good enough”, and shouldn’t be enjoying this! =)
It took a long time to inwardly let go, and joyfully, fully, accept this beautiful gift, as from the Giver of “every GOOD and PERFECT gift.”
And I wanted to say thank you, for your words, and the helpful articles you have linked to, that have helped and blessed me!
May the Lord bless you and keep you!
May you daily delight in knowledge of Him.
E.m.

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John Wilder July 27, 2012 at 5:20 am

Yea you. Churches are about teaching little girls that sex is bad, dirty and wrong and that good girls don’t do it. This often leaves a woman negatively conditioned for life about her sexuality. The churches NEVER teach the sex positive messages from the Bible. They also ignore the biblically mandated ministry in the NT in Titus 2 where it commands: “that the older women of the church teach the younger women of the church how to love their husbands… so that the Word of God is not blasphemed”

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Katie Did July 27, 2012 at 8:08 am

1.I love sex, too.
2. I love oral sex, and wish I received on a regular basis. I give regularly.
3. My husband’s mere presence drives me insane to the point where I can hardly.concentrate until we have sex.
4. If we don’t have sex, I get very very grumpy.
5. I love telling hubby that I am custom fitted to him. He’s the only man I have been with. Although after having children, it isn’t such a custom fit. Kegals anyone?
6. I like a good balance between me ravaging him and him ravaging me.
7. Satin and silk, baby! That is how our bed is dressed. No lingerie required.
8. I like to stay on shape physically. It makes sex better over all for me to be strong, flexible and feel good about myself. A shapely figure helps.
9. I have to avoid romance novels, romantic movies, sex scenes and even sometimes blogs like this. I am easily sexually distracted.
10. I look forward to this weekend. *wink*

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Sis July 27, 2012 at 8:38 am

**big smile**
this sounds like a fun bandwagon to join. I love your ten confessions!

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The Generous Wife July 27, 2012 at 11:20 am

@beyond frustrated I’m so sorry for the sexual struggles in your marriage. I hope this blog and comments will give you hope. Many of us have had difficulty in the past and are now finding sexual wholeness. Keep prayin’ and lovin’ on your wife. If she is willing, encourage her to follow The Generous Wife or any of the blogs that I link to. Sometimes hearing it from other women can help.

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The Generous Wife July 27, 2012 at 11:22 am

Thanks, gals, for sharing. Hearing many voices of women who are learning to love their sexuality and sex with their sweeties is a great encouragement.

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M at A Marriage Restored July 27, 2012 at 11:38 am

The whole “generous cycle” works beautifully in the love life just like any other. Thanks to bloggers like you, I became more knowledgeable about men/womwn’s differences, particularly the “visual” part, so I began using candles and getting lingerie. Add in asking him what color he wants me to wear, and I have one happy man in my house. He has turned into the most loving, sensitive man ever, which inspires me to treat him better… And so on.. And so on. Thanks for your great blog!
M at A Marriage Restored

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Patty July 27, 2012 at 11:39 am

:) I have a HUGE smile right now. Love your 10 confessions!
Thank you for sharing them! I’m sure every couple has their own. My favorite it’s the number one! And number two..and 3…and…ok, all of them. :)

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J (Hot, Holy & Humorous) July 27, 2012 at 12:29 pm

I LOVE this, Lori! The contagiousness of Julie’s 10 Confessions is wonderful and will hopefully have a positive effect on those who are learning to enjoy sex with their husbands more. I also think that’s a theme here–that Christian wives enjoying the gift of sexuality isn’t automatic and must be nurtured. Thank God for this blog which does exactly that. Blessings!

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Gaye July 27, 2012 at 3:46 pm

So sorry for your pain and frustration, beyond frustrated. I’m sure that you have tried many things to help the situation. If you and your wife have not read the book “Sheet Music” by Dr. Kevin Leman, I highly recommend it. While it’s definitely important for you to be kind, loving and thoughtful to your wife, I also think it’s important to talk with her very clearly and directly about how importance sex is to you, and how important it should be in your marriage. Some women are clueless about this (I was). This is a very helpful article on some of the things that can decrease or damage a desire for intimacy in women: http://hotholyhumorous.blogspot.com/2012/07/for-wives-when-you-dont-desire-sex.html#comment-form

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Erin (Mystery32) July 30, 2012 at 7:19 am

Great stuff, Lori! Amazing how sex can turn into a great thing when we are positive about it! I know I’ve had to learn that the hard way at times too. Keep up the great work! :)

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Victoria August 13, 2012 at 11:50 pm

#1. I love sex
#2. Sex with my husband is way better than I ever could have dreamed…and my imagination was pretty vivid, But God is just THAT good.
#3. I love that God knew exactly what I needed in bed…my husband is the perfect fit for me :D
#4. My pleasure and enjoyment is his #1 priority…notified of this not long ago, which makes me want to rock his world like never before
#5. Oral sex is amazing…I am so turned on by seeing my husband turned on, it has never failed. Ah maz ing!!!
#6. Lights on! I may not love my body at all times but I love to see my husband not be able to take his eyes off me…yes I’m sexy and I know it!
#7. We talk about sex daily, like it’s the newest and greatest thing we’ve ever heard of…I’m sorry but it never gets old with him.
#8. I love doing things like bending over, leaning onto something or just simply prancing in front of him… [edit … just a little TMI]
#9. I love that initiating a lot in our case starts with just a simple kiss, not meaning to go any further but then we just keep coming back for more. You can usually trace our steps through the trail of clothes in the house…Love it.
#10. We pray for awesome sex. God created our bodies for eachother, so as a married man and wife we want this to be the best thing ever…so we pray and are in agreement that we are going to have the best sex ever and for always.
#11. Sex = happy marriage…if one of us is stressed/grumpy/ill/sad…the remedy most of the time is sex. I love being a stay at home wife…I’m the hero when he comes home stressed or school just puts his brain into a tizzy…Sexy Wifey to the Rescue!!!

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Melanie July 27, 2014 at 6:04 am

Thank you for this list! I would echo every single one of those 10 confessions. Since learning to have sex more regularly our marriage has never been stronger. Or more fun!

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Heidi January 6, 2015 at 10:38 pm

I know this is 2 years old, but I just found it And was recently converted to being a sex-positive wife…so here goes..
1. I enjoy pleasing him. It is that simple.
2. He enjoys pleasing me..and is very good at it. ;)
3. We don’t tell each other “no,” and it is hardly a chore! It sounds more like, “Oh really!? Okay!”
4. We communicate better.
5. We don’t argue. And if we do, it is fun to make up…
6. We fit perfectly together. Perfectly. Is it getting warm in here??!?
7. We finally are reveling in God’s gift of sex. Thank you, Lord!
8. He was always the one who could go multiple times a day…now it is me too! He comes home from work and can spot that look in my eye from the front door…and doesn’t seem to mind.
9. Our marriage has been revolutionized!!! We didn’t make love this much as newlyweds!!!
10. This all came about as part of my submission to God and my husband…as we were rebuilding from an affair he had. It is possible! God is soooo good!!!

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