The recent Marriage Bed survey also polled men about why they say no to sex. Again this is not strict science, but we can learn from it because these are real people with real perspectives.
Busyness, stress and exhaustion are, sadly, still king. Folks, we need to take this very seriously and wisely simplify our lives. OK, I’m going to say this again. Please slow down and simplify your lives. Make time for each other so that you can build your marriage, rather than act like ships passing in the night (emphasis on “passing”).
Too tired. 45.2%
It’s late and/or getting up early in the morning. 35.5%
Our guys want sex, but they want it with emotional connection. They need to feel loved, wanted and appreciated. (See also men’s added comments at the bottom of the post)
We have not connected emotionally. 25.8%
She’s been rude to me recently. 25.8%
Guys have physical issues too. Please, please, please see a doctor when there are physical problems. Don’t play the blame game. Instead look for solutions and creative workarounds. Encourage him and look for other ways to give sexual pleasure.
I suffer from premature ejaculation. 16.1%
I have or worry about erectile dysfunction. 12.9%
Physical pain. 0.0%
The following one surprised me. I’m not entirely sure what this reflects because I do not feel the option is specific enough, but it got a significant response so we need to cover all the bases. Ask yourself ~ Is my bedroom a sanctuary for my husband and me? Do we have a lock on our door? Noise cover? etc.
Not enough privacy. 19.4%
Here’s where the guys point to gals and say we play a part in their problems.
Some of it we can write off. If a guy is looking at porn, of course he is going to think his wife is too slow to climax, not pretty enough, not willing to do the “things he likes” and he may find it difficult to climax with her (she is a real person after all). Porn use has some serious repercussions.
However, there may be some things we can learn from the following stats. We can take better care of ourselves in all ways and challenge our own sexual difficulties so that we can enjoy sex and be a bit creative about it.
I realize that what I have just written does not even begin to cover all the problems that the following stats point to, but it does cover a lot of them and it would be a good place to start, both with action and discussion with your husband.
She does not turn me on (and I don’t look at porn). 19.4%
She takes way too long to climax. 12.9
I masturbated recently. 9.7%
She refuses to do the things I like. 6.5% (there was a typo with this, but I think the meaning was fairly clear)
If I do, she “wins”. 6.5%
I find it very difficult to climax with her. 3.2%
She does not turn me on (and I do look at porn). 3.2%
Here are the added comments from the survey of men.
She’s rarely in the mood, and because of premature ejaculation she thinks I’m selfish. So I gave up. She also said sex is “Just another chore”, which hurt.
Too many quickies for me only, I want a partner who participates not a masturbation aid.
I never say no to sex.
I cannot every remember saying no to my wife’s desire for sex.
When it’s obvious that she’s just offering out of pity or duty. Maybe that’s lack of emotional connection, I don’t know.
I hate hair.
Medically induced Low Testosterone has made it impossible for me to become aroused or even achieve an erection. It has cause numerous problems for us maritally speaking, She even threw her wedding rings in the garbage. (I got them out, and she is wearing them, but it’s really dicey now for us.)
Just not feeling turned on.
I DON’T SAY NO EVER ;)
Tired of emotional drama.
I never say no. Ever. Not for any reason. If I am coherent and not hospitalized, I’m game.
I don’t refuse…
Image credit © Matthew Heinrichs | Dreamstime.com
A very thoughtful post from Scott (of Journey to Surrender) ~ Tough Decisions (Part 2) Definitely something to read and discuss with your husband.
Get to it! ~ Flirt Like You Mean It! (from One Flesh Marriage)