Protect Your Man

June 12, 2012

in the generous life

The other morning, my husband and I fell into discussion about a very difficult time in our history. We had been bad mouthed and generally treated like poo.  Our talk wound up being an examination of how we were doing a year or so down the road.

As we talked about our feelings and how we had responded to the situation, my husband made the comment, “I’m sorry I didn’t protect you better.” The reality was, he had done a great job, but I understood his sentiment. You don’t want to see your spouse hurt and there is always that “I wish I could have done more” feeling. I felt the same way about him.

I started thinking about the concept of protection and how we can protect our spouse. I know our guys are made of tough stuff and we aren’t called to protect them quite the same way that they protect us, but there are things we can do and say that “protect” and generally make our guy’s world a better and safer place.

 Off the top of my head I can think of a few things (please add your thoughts as a comment).

1. Protect his reputation by speaking respectfully and kindly to him and about him. (By extension, I would say don’t talk bad about his friends and family.)
2. Be aware of his activities, speech and relationships. Do share your perspectives when you think something is going awry. Forewarned is forearmed.
3. Be a warm and creative lover. (Our guys get hit from all sides by sexual temptation.)
4. Pray … and then pray some more. 

I don’t know about y’all, but I could always do with more “I’m glad I did” and less “I wish I had.” Protect your man.

Be proactive–not reactive–towards safety.  Author Unknown 

Image credit © Dallaseventsinc | Dreamstime.com

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Lori (of Marriage Gems) shares some interesting stats ~ Marriage Education Shows 55% Increase in Marital Satisfaction A little continuing education is good for you and your marriage!  

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The start of what looks to be a great series ~ Improve Your Marriage: #1 – Add Laughter (from Happy Wives Club)

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Jay Dee June 12, 2012 at 2:45 am

This is something my wife and I both need to work on. Our joking occasionally becomes hurtful, and sometimes even in public. It’s something we need to improve at.

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John Wilder June 12, 2012 at 4:27 am

As a man I would like to concur with your comments and add to them. Many women think sex is our number one need, Actually it is second or third with respect being the primary need. We live in an age of rampant Misandry (Wikipedia does a great job illustrating this word) or reverse sexism by women towards men. Think about it, it is even in our commercials. The man is illustrated to be this hapless boob who has yet again gotten himself and/or his family into another mess. The women is portrayed as this all knowing savior who swoops in to save the idiot husband from the mess he has gotten himself into all the while throwing condescending and insulting remarks to the embarrassed husband.

As to being a lover, far too many women have learned in church that sex is bad, dirty and wrong and that good girls don’t do it. They never teach all the sex positive messages from the Bible. As a result many women have real ambivalence over their sexuality. It shows up in what she is NOT willing to do in bed or what lacy frilly lingerie she refuses to wear for her husband. Ladies embrace your femininity and your sexuality and you will have a grateful and adoring husband.

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Sis June 12, 2012 at 5:01 am

Another good reason to speak kindly, thanks!

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Charlie Brown's Teacher June 12, 2012 at 6:43 am

I think we too often need to protect our husbands from OURSELVES.
It is so easy to see our spouse through selfishness.
We must instead keep a constant flow of POSITIVE thoughts so we speak authentically when we protect him from others. (And we must ACT on those beliefs in our own lives – whether it be in the bedroom or in other pursuits of him.)

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Tisha June 12, 2012 at 7:01 am

I think the hardest part for me is protecting him to the point where I omit things. I handle most of our business (bills, finances, kids, etc.) and when something comes along that would upset him (usually something we can’t afford financially), I tend not to tell him right away. My justification is trying to protect his feelings (because I hate seeing him upset when he does so much for us) and it gives me time to try to fix it. It’s not healthy and I’m trying to do better.

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Becky June 12, 2012 at 10:41 am

Along with speaking respectfully and kindly, never contradict your husband in public. It’s demeaning (similar to the TV shows that portray the husband as stupid) and it sends a clear message to those around you exactly what you think of your husband. For example, our church was interviewing a possible candidate as Senior Pastor when he asked why our Sunday evening service started so late. He was used to them starting at 5 p.m. – maybe even 4 p.m. and ours started at 6 p.m. We explained that we were in the process of changing that. The candidate’s comment was, “Oh, good. That might encourage the elderly members to attend more frequently, too, not having to drive in the dark.” His wife piped up, “No, it won’t. You know Mrs. So-n-so from our church, she still wouldn’t come for fear of losing her parking space right in front of her apartment. No, it won’t matter, no, nope.” That instantly turned me off (as well as others)and, due to other areas in which she showed her lack of support of him, we had to decline his application as our Senior Pastor. Also, one area I try to protect my husband is paying attention to the rating of movies and checking if there is any form of nudity/immodesty. We also do not frequent pools/water parks. It’s a shame that our children miss out on some of those things due to the immodesty but it’s more important to me to protect my husband’s eyes, thoughts, etc. Thanks for this post!! It’s been thought-provoking.

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Fawn June 13, 2012 at 8:14 am

So so good, Lori. You point out something interesting which is our thought that our hubbies don’t need us to protect them because they are the “protectors” of the family. But their hearts need to be protected. Their reputations need to be protected. And they need to always feel safe in the presence of their family. Great post!

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Jan Stevens June 14, 2012 at 5:24 am

Some of us aren’t really sensitive about the things we say to or about our partners, especially when we get in a place in our relationship where we are comfortable with each other. We just trust and assume that we can say anything that sometimes, we go too far. This is especially true when we talk badly about his friends or family. Even if we mean it as a joke, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t hurtful. We have to remember that we still need to be careful and, like you said, protect our partners from the things we say that might be hurtful to them.

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MommaReads June 17, 2012 at 6:33 pm

I have rarely found anything on the internet so appropriately “just for me”. And this is that little tidbit :0)

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Erin June 20, 2012 at 2:58 pm

This is such a great post. I never knew how to word it, though. Many times, and in many places, I hear women (and men) speak badly about their spouses. It’s the typical man bashing like “of course he didn’t wash the dishes, he’s a guy!” Or “of course my wife’s late– she was primping. Typical woman stuff, you know.” I hate hearing people talk about their spouses that way. I’m not normally sensitive, except when it comes to peoples perceptions of my family. I can control what they think–to an extent (his relations past that point are on him) about my husband. If I call him lazy, people will view him as a sloth. If I say he takes out my trash and does the dishes, does his own laundry and keeps the car clean– they think of him as the most awesome guy ever– which he is. And the family– you can be concerned about behavior, but NEVER judgmental. It destroys trust. Again, great post and comments!
-Erin

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