Dealing with Disagreement

May 2, 2012

in the generous life

My husband and I just had an interesting conversation about a certain theology. We haggled back and forth about all kinds of perspectives and that sent us back to look more thoroughly at the Word. For us this is not a terribly difficult thing. It’s actually more of a fun thing because we are becoming less invested in being “right.” We aim to grow in our knowledge of the Truth, holding most things lightly so that God can teach us and grow us up. 

It hasn’t always been this way. I made “being sensitive” a way of life early on and it took some growing up and toughening up to get to the point where I can discuss differences more comfortably. My sweetie used to be a “black and white” kind of guy (and, boy howdy, you better know the difference!). Being married to me, helped him soften a bit and learn to speak his perspectives in love. It’s been a journey and one we’re still growing in.

Can you and your husband disagree agreeably? Can you view differences as an opportunity to grow and understand each other better? If disagreements are painful, why not talk to your husband about how to disagree and still be teammates (rather than adversaries).

In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity.  Author Unknown

Image credit © Wavebreakmedia Ltd |


I feel like a broken record, but The 3rd Alternative (aff link) really is a good resource for dealing respectfully with conflict.


This is a must-read article (I don’t say that very often, but I think the point made here is very important) ~ Loving your spouse the way they need to be loved (from Re-Load)


Read and learn ~ Which Of The Seven Deadly Money Mistakes Do You Make? (from Black and Married with Kids) 



{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

J May 2, 2012 at 2:51 am

I can’t say that we can always agree agreeably. Sometimes we just say that we agree to disagree and leave it at that. Both of us have our opinions and on certain subjects there simply is no meeting of the minds. It has taken me years to be ok with that. In the beginning I mistakenly thought we should be like-minded. Ok, now that I am well over that phase, it is the reality of two people that are walking together that we won’t ever agree on every subject.


Chris May 2, 2012 at 4:53 am

Another FANTASTIC book is The Power of Two: Secrets of a Strong and Loving Marriage by Susan Heitler. I can’t recommend it enough!

“This book details the communication and conflict-resolution skills that happy couples use to deal with differences… learn strategies for making decisions together, resolving conflicts, recovering after upsets, and converting difficulties into opportunities for growth.”


Kara @ The Chuppies May 2, 2012 at 5:58 am

I love that you went back to God’s Word for clarity…
And totally agree with the quote you put at the end!
Welcome to NOBH :)
Thank you for joining us!
~Kara @ The Chuppies/NOBH


Anna May 2, 2012 at 6:26 am

Thank you this was a wonderful and insightful post. In fact, all of your posts are really special and insightful. I’m glad to be able to read a new positive thought about marriage everyday!


Caris May 7, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Thanks for this tip, Lori! Also, the quote isn’t from unknown source: Rupertus Meldenius alias Peter Meiderlin, a Lutheran reformer, said it :) Our Sunday school teacher just quoted him last week, hahaha!


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