Gospel Impact

March 27, 2012

in the generous life

I’ve always thought that being a Christian should have great impact on our relationships (especially our marriage). How we look at life and how we are called to respond to others could make us (not perfect, but) some of the most wonderful, engaging people.

Well, “J” of Hot, Holy and Humorous has written a great article about this and so for today’s post I am pointing y’all to that.  It is a totally rockin’, must read post.

The Gospel in the Bedroom

Image credit © Dreamstimedk | Dreamstime.com

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Join the egg hunt! On A Hunt For A Healthy Marriage  Search The Romantic Vineyard site for great clues and a chance to win a gift card to the restaurant of your choice.

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I’ve been enjoying this series of Encouraging Words: Edify  (from Encourage Your Spouse)

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Be generous!  Lori <><

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Trina March 27, 2012 at 4:34 am

Hi Lori,

I have been married for 19 years and I really enjoy your blog. Right now I’m looking for some good Christian advice on a problem I find myself having. My mother has always been a difficult person for my husband and I to deal with. She has a hard time treating us as adults, but thinks she can tell us both what to do. Anyway, we live 5 hours apart so anything that happens is always intensified because it is a weekend of visiting. and you can’t get away. We ‘ve had a bunch of unhappy moments with my Mom throughout our marriage and I’ve always stood united with my husband. My mom sees this as weakness on my part. It gets worse instead of better, especially since my Dad died. My older siblings have always treated her with kid gloves, trying not to upset her at any cost. So when we had a pretty serious problem with her a few years ago my husband was labelled the bad guy. My sister said some awful thing sto em about him. My family just wants to pretend everything is alright, but there are under the breathe comments and looks of disdain when we get together. We ahave been there 5 times since the major incident and my mom ahs been here once, my siblings not at all. There is afamily function coming up and we are expected to be there. My husband has decided he doesn’t need that stress in his life and will not go. He says I can go with the kdis, but it will be without his blessing and he will be very dissappointed. I want to go mostly because I don’t want to field phone calls for the next few months about why I wasn’t there. My husband wants to deal wtih the matter open and frankly, just put everyone’s cards on the table, otherwise he doessn’t want to just go fake it every few months and hope another blow- up doesn’t occur. I am really leaning toward going with the kids, I am worried about my relationship, is there any other solution? I am thinking I will have to see my family without my hubby from now on but is that being disloyal to him?
Thanks for listening.

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The Generous Wife March 27, 2012 at 11:57 am

There is a concept called the 3rd Alternative.

When one person is committed to doing “A” and another person is committed to doing “B” … and “A” and “B” can’t both happen, you have conflict.

The 3rd Alternative says that by exploring what the two people really want (not just their choice of how they think they will get what they want) you can find a 3rd Alternative, a way to give both people what they want at heart.

Your husband has been plain that he wants the respect of being treated like an adult. He wants the two of you to be a couple and make decisions for your family unit. Your Mom wants ??? (to be heard? to be valued?) Find out that answer and look for ways to validate her legitimate need without handing over the reigns of your family to her.

You might also look for 3rd Alternatives with your husband. He wants to be a respected family unit (and he’s deeply frustrated by your mom’s lack of respect). You want to show love to your family as well. How can you do something that takes care of both in a healthy way? Going without him feels like you are aligning yourself with your Mom and disrespecting him. Perhaps if he can hear your heart, the two of you can come up with some options.

The 3rd Alternative by Steven Covey – http://amzn.to/zTDNLi

Another helpful book is Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend – http://amzn.to/GTSW0y

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J (Hot, Holy & Humorous) March 27, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Wow, Lori. Thank you. Glory to our Father, who has provided such blessing and such power to us.

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Trina March 28, 2012 at 5:52 am

Thanks for listening. We are still discussing what can be done. Maybe I will take one child and not the baby who really needs her routine…hard part is telling the extended family that the baby won’t be there!

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Trina March 30, 2012 at 5:28 am

Hi again,

It looks like we all stay home, I really hoped for a compromise but I live with my hubby not my extended family. Wish me luck as I endure anger from my family, I am praying for the right words to say and I am trying not to be angry at my husband. Thanks again for having a great blog on marriage.

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