What’s On Your Playground?

March 9, 2012

in the generous life

A generous wife suggested that I start doing sexuality tips on Friday instead of Saturday (thanks for the idea, Kristi!). Seems some gals read their tips at work and others are looking for little time to prepare for the weekend when there’s more time for husband and intimate time. So here is Friday’s sexuality idea. (Hmm. Now what am I going to do on Saturday?)

Lately it seems that I’ve heard a number of gals say something like, “I’m just not sexual.” At first thought, I wanted to let them know (graciously of course) that they were believing a lie. After more thought, though, I realized that while a few may be actually denying their own sexuality, most were making a statement about rejecting a specific idea of what sexuality is. They didn’t like any particular sexual model that they had seen, so they assumed that they were not sexual. (“I’m not like the ladies in the movies, I’m not like my friends, … I guess I’m just not sexual.”)

The model of sexuality that our culture throws at us is often very distorted and not so very healthy. If that were my only option, I think I might opt out too! Thankfully we have another option ~ we can adopt biblical guidelines and have fun with our sweetie within the safety of those boundaries.

THE PLAYGROUND

Your marriage is a playground. The fence around the playground is the collection of guidelines that God has given us about sex. What happens on your marriage playground is about your choices and preferences as a couple. It’s perfectly safe and you can be sexual and have creative fun with your husband.

THE FENCE (some biblical guidelines)

We are to abstain from immoral sex. (unmarried sex, adultery, homosexuality, bestiality, incest, etc.)
We are to have sex only in marriage; one man with one woman.|
We are to lovingly meet the legitimate sexual needs and wants of our spouse. 
We need to avoid anything which can cause serious harm. (physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.)
We should never push our spouse to compromise their beliefs. 
We are not to be controlled by anything. 

WHAT’S ON YOUR PLAYGROUND?

~ anything you both want that will benefit your sense of intimacy and oneness as a couple. 

If someone had said that to me a few years back I think I would have given them a blank stare (or blushed and mumbled at my shoelaces). I wouldn’t have even known where to start other than missionary position in the dark. And, you know, that would be a fine place to start. I don’t mean to speak ill of small beginnings. The point is that you want to grow your playground to the point where you both feel loved and wanted, where you enjoy the pleasures of sex that God intended for couples to share. Start with what you know and, a bit at a time, explore and add a thing or two.

Some great resources: (books are aff links)

Sheet Music by Kevin Leman
The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex by Sheila Gregoire
Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus
Intimacy Ignited by Dr. Joseph & Linda Dillow & Dr. Peter & Lorraine Pintus

Intimacy in Marriage blog by Julie
Hot, Holy and Humorous blog by “J”
To Love, Honor and Vaccum blog by Sheila
The Marriage Bed website and forum

Do not buy into the culture’s view of sex or dump your sexuality because sex is dumb, evil, scary or not for you. Adopt God’s view and enjoy the pleasure of sex with your husband.

Image credit © Jcyoung | Dreamstime.com

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J (of Hot, Holy and Humorous) has written a delightful and practical post ~ Storing Your Sexy Stuff   Yup.  I put the dogs on Pinterest.  

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“Marriage affords us the opportunity to exclusively pursue each other in a way that is right and holy and fun and tender.”  from Pursue Me Sexually, Dear Husband  (Intimacy in Marriage

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Be generous! Lori <><

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Jason March 9, 2012 at 2:32 am

Thank you Lori, for telling wives the truth! God’s view of sex in marriage is SO much better than the world’s view (or even our own parents’ in so many cases!)

God created it, and HE said it is GOOD! Who are we to argue with God? ;-)

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donotdisturb blog March 9, 2012 at 4:55 am

What a great way to put it. Over the years in our marriage I have learned to enjoy all different types of playground equipment but never have I thought less of the small beginnings. I too share a desire to encourage couples to understand God’s best for their marriages.

Megan

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Katrina March 9, 2012 at 5:30 am

Great post and thank you! I have several of those resources and wanted to also add “Real Marriage” by Mark Driscoll. It’s a newly released book and has certainly gained attention for being controversial, but to be honest my husband is a conservative Southern Baptist pastor and we have been reading through it and love it. It says so much that others are afraid to say. It’s an easy read, discusses the struggles he and his wife endured in their early years of marriage regarding their sex life, and one that we now highly recommend.

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Sexy March 9, 2012 at 7:29 am

I love the idea of marriage as a playground, with fences. Sometimes Christians forget that having fun is God’s idea and He isn’t so stuffy.

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Tabitha O'Connor March 9, 2012 at 8:52 am

I discovered an excellent book quite by accident. Many women don’t understand their own sexuality, and Christian women have different issues than non-Christian women in that regard – due to upbringing, church teachings, etc. “Secrets of Eve: Understanding the Mystery of Female Sexuality” , by Archibald D. Hart, Catherine Hart Weber, and Debra L. Taylor is a book based on a survey the authors did of Christian women about sexuality. I’m not finished reading it, but what I have read so far has answered some of the questions I’ve had, and made me feel “normal” about my own experiences. I would recommend it to any woman struggling with how to be more sexual in her marriage.

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Courtney March 9, 2012 at 10:16 am

I have been a long time reader of your blog and have enjoyed it. However, your comparison of homosexuals to bestiality, incest and cheating, I find that insulting beyond belief. Everyone has a right to their opinion and this is your blog so you can insult people all you want but unfortunately, I have to unsubscribe. I have enjoyed many of your posts and as a Christian appreciated the foundation that generosity and kindness has in your life and of this blog. I don’t believe you showed much though with this post. Peace to you.

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The Generous Wife March 9, 2012 at 1:33 pm

@Courtney I’m sorry that you were offended, but God’s Word makes it plain that sex belongs between one man and one woman in marriage. Anything else is called sin regardless of who you are having sex with.

As believers, we need to offer a message of grace and forgiveness, but at the same time we need to be honest about sin and call people to repentance, healing and a life of obedience to God and His Truth.

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Courtney March 15, 2012 at 10:03 am

Well I will let you throw that stone first I guess. I know I don’t have that right to judge. He will though-as he should and only HE should.

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Snuggle Muffin March 9, 2014 at 6:50 am

@Courtney, I really think you maybe should take a sec and reconsider your reaction to what Lori said about homosexuality.

All she did basically was paraphrase part of the Bible, where Paul (the apostle, not her husband :) ) writes a list of various sins, some sexual some not, some more socially acceptable than others. Lori’s just listed the sexual ones since they’re relevant to the topic.

Not saying you have to agree with her! But I hope you can reconsider your assumption that she’s being insulting and judgmental and ‘throwing stones’, for a couple reasons:
[1.] She’s accurately paraphrasing part of the Bible. Disagree with the Bible and call the Apostle Paul judgmental if you want, but don’t shoot the messenger. Lori didn’t make up that list on her own; it’s not *her* list of sexual sins.
[2.] If you think she’s misunderstood part of the Bible, fine. But what does that have to do with her being insulting or unkind or judgmental? If you two disagree over a Bible verse, it means at least one of you is making a mistake in her interpretation; it doesn’t have to mean one of you is a bad person. Saying, “In my honest opinion, I think this verse means this” has nothing to do with being kind or unkind, judgmental or not. Difference of opinion =/= character flaw.
[3.] Let’s say that God is actually OK with homosexuality and conservative Christians are just misinterpreting parts of the Bible. Even in that case, you still have to admit that it’s perfectly *reasonable* and understandable for a sane, decent, intelligent, God-fearing person to read what we’ve got in the Bible and conclude that homosexual behaviour is sinful according to the text. Even if that’s not actually what Paul meant, you’ve got to admit it certainly *seems* like it at first and second glance. Someone like Lori can read her Bible and conclude that homosexual behaviour is sinful, and still be a sane, decent, intelligent, God-fearing woman.
[4.] You’re a long-time reader who’s enjoyed her blog. If, in all that time, you didn’t find Lori to be insulting and judgmental, maybe it’s because she’s not insulting and judgmental. Maybe you just can’t handle someone respectfully disagreeing with you on an issue you care about. Disagree with her if you want, but then *explain why* she shouldn’t include homosexuality in that list despite what the Bible seems to say. Fine. But surely two grownups can disagree on a particular point of exegesis/hermeneutics/biology/sociology/psychology/etc. while withholding judgment of one another’s character and spirituality.

Do you really think it’s a good idea to unsubscribe from or stop talking with everyone you disagree with?

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