Conclusions ~ Would You Care to Dance?

February 21, 2012

in the generous life

OK, enough with the submission series.  I hope that I have given y’all something to think and pray about.  If nothing else, I hope you will give God room to talk to you about the concept of submission and take some time to talk with your husband so that you understand each other’s beliefs (and hopefully can agree on a few things).

The S Word (and I’m Not Talking Sex) 
The Choice is Yours 
Brain Check
But What If … ? (Part 1) 
But What If … ? (Part 2)
But What If … ? (Part 3) 
Some Hard Questions (Part 1)
Some Hard Questions (Part 2) 
Some Hard Questions (Part 3)  

Just a final word picture … (and a picture too)

I like the image of a dancing couple to explain marriage (I know, I know, they’re on skates, but you see they are “ice dancing”).  The husband is leading, but the couple is a wonderful team. As they practice and get better they are learning to communicate, plan, work together, and generally enjoy the dance (yes, sometimes they get their toes stepped on, but that’s a part of learning to dance together). They play on each other’s strengths and cover each other’s weaknesses.  I think also it has implications in how they represent Christ to the world.  They are offering a picture of grace and harmony, of humility and service.  

I am a dancer.  I believe that we learn by practice.  Whether it means to learn to dance by practicing dancing or to learn to live by practicing living …  Martha Graham

Image credit © Eagleflying | Dreamstime.com

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This really has little to do with building your marriage, but it was so funny, I just had to pass it on ~ The Hamsters are Dead and Other Fun Stuff (from We Are THAT Family

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A very excellent post about dealing with marital drift ~ Rules for Reconnecting with Your Spouse (from Lori of Marriage Gems)

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Be generous! Lori <><

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Tara February 21, 2012 at 1:36 pm

The dancing metaphor helps me a lot in my understanding of submission. My husband and I both swing dance, so it’s a very clear picture for me.

He leads a move and you choose to follow it. You can choose not to follow, but it impacts the dance. A lead has to learn about his follower and adjust his leading accordingly — he must be sensitive to what she can and cannot do. But whether he does or not, you follow as best as you can. Also, the more practice a lead and follow have together, the more he learns how to leave you room to contribute to the dance and the more you learn how to take that room while still respecting his lead.

If he leads a move that will hurt you or send you into another couple, you absolutely can (and should!) refuse or (better) modify his lead. And there are times in the music where you can “steal” his lead and do something clever. But if you spent the whole dance doing that, you wouldn’t really be dancing.

You are dancing when he suggests a move (by leading) and you accept his suggestion (by following). You’re trusting him and he’s trusting you and together you’re making something beautiful.

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Jenny February 22, 2012 at 9:53 am

Great Series Lori! And Tara great comment expanding on the dance! I really like the way you explaned it and it is a perfect analogy of what true submission is. :)

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The Generous Wife February 22, 2012 at 12:47 pm

@Tara Thanks so much for sharing about your dancing experience. Paul and I took some waltzing lessons once. We were not Fred and Ginger, but we had great fun!

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Kara February 24, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Really loved this post about dancing! The whole series was great! I referred people over here to read about it.

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MarriageDance February 27, 2012 at 6:38 pm

This is the first post of your series on submission that I’ve read, but I definitely agree with the comparison to dancing. I write a blog that looks at marriage through the lens of partner dancing … including leadership and follower-ship. Come on over and check it out: http://wp.me/spXmN-6

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Angie March 9, 2012 at 7:39 am

The dance metaphor can be beautiful, but seems flawed to use it as an example of an authority/subordinate based relationship. The concept of leader (husband) in a dance is not a position of authority as was argued in the earlier posts in this series. There is no inherent authority (right to control, demand, exact obedience) in the male partner. The leader in a dance directs the couple because she is at a disadvantage. She is dancing backwards. Her position relative to the direction of the dance necessitates that he guide her from his vantage point for the benefit of both. In marriage, a husband does not have every vantage point in very situation. Where he does, he can offer guidance without there being a hierarchical structure of authority. Likewise, where the wife has the vantage point, she can and should offer guidance. This actually sounds like what GW describes in her last post by saying when a husband is not equipped for a task, the wife should invite him into the process and make wise choices. In other words, she is leading or guiding or directing. Authority as in the right to control, command, or exact obedience is not necessary. Leading as in going first, guiding, directing is not gender exclusive.

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