Valentine Expectations

February 4, 2012

in the generous life

I need to talk to y’all about expectations.

It’s perfectly normal to have expectations, even to have them for your husband.  I expect my husband to shovel the driveway.  I expect my husband to move the laundry to the dryer if he’s around when the buzzer goes off.  I expect him to grab me for kisses a couple of times a day.  We all have a general idea of who our spouse is and what we expect of them.

The down side to expectations is when they are not realistic and we use them to judge our sweeties or try to get them to be someone they are not. 

We cannot expect our husbands to be like our dads, our old boyfriend, or our [fill in the blank].  They are individuals and they need to be appreciated and loved for the individuals that they are.  (We married them for who they are.)

We cannot expect our husbands to be the way we want them to be. See above.

We cannot expect our husbands to read our minds.  They can’t know something that we have not told them (hints are a bad plan, I swear guys have been vaccinated, hints just bounce off.).

OK, let’s talk Valentine’s Day.  Please don’t expect your husband to take you out to breakfast like your dad did for your mom.  Please don’t expect him to suddenly wax poetic if he’s not the poetic type.  Please don’t expect him to “just know” what you want (or even to get it right 100% if he does have some sort of clue). 

These are real people we are dealing with and, if we’ll be honest, they are rather a whole ‘nother animal. Let’s love them for who they are and be clear (and realistic) about what we ask of them.  If you want to go out to breakfast, tell him.  If you want chocolate and flowers, tell him.  Then appreciate whatever that looks like because the man you love just spent time, money and energy trying to please you.

Please don’t use your disappointment to try to shape him into someone he is not.  He really is your very special Valentine and he needs to be told that he is loved and appreciated (not judged because he doesn’t measure up to some standard that he doesn’t understand or have a hope of meeting).

Love that man.

Do not ask that your kids husband to live up to your expectations.  Let your kids husband be who he is, and your expectations will be in breathless pursuit.   Robert Brault (substitution mine)

Image credit © Ken Cole | Dreamstime.com

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A lovely post about transparency and intimacy ~ Time to Get Naked! (from Journey to Surrender)

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Don’t forget One Flesh Marriage’s 10 Day Challenge ~  Wow your husband the during the week leading up to Valentine’s Day!

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“J” of Hot Holy and Humorous shares some great bedroom wisdom  ~ When My Sex Life Sucked Part 1  & Part 2

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Be generous! Lori <><
10 days until Valentine’s Day!

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Lori February 4, 2012 at 7:13 am

Oh SO TRUE! Something I’ve dealt with for years! Once I discovered that the source of my disappointment was my expectations, life got a lot easier around here! Thanks for posting!

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Shelley February 4, 2012 at 8:16 am

I can’t imagine what my marriage would have been like if someone hadn’t stressed to me before our wedding that expectations of each other would make our relationship miserable. This especially applies to special occasions and holidays. My wonderful husband had a lonely childhood, and he learned not to have expectations of birthdays and holidays. As an adult, he really didn’t see them as a big deal at all. It was an adjustment for both of us. I had to learn to accept him whether he was thoughtful during special times or not. He had to learn that celebrations were more important to me than to him. Now we have almost flip-flopped. :-)

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Sexy February 4, 2012 at 8:31 am

I had to adjust to the birthday/holiday expectations too. I told my husband for Valentine’s day, I’d really like a love letter this year and to forget all the chocolates and presents.

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Theresa February 4, 2012 at 9:37 am

This may sound crazy (or even stupid) but I used to think that my husband KNEW and was just beign a jerk. Or at least he SHOULD know. Leading to the same result. A fight. One time he told me “ya know if you would have just said that it would have saved a lot of time.” And it is true. WHy not ask my husband with a please? And ya know what? He does it. With a willing heart. He truly wants me to be happy. He was never a jerk. He didn’t KNOW. Wish I would have figured it out sooner.

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Mary Bradley February 4, 2014 at 10:54 am

It goes both ways. Your husband can’t expect things from you that aren’t you.

I am very vocal on what I want and don’t. Somehow though my husband doesn’t hear me. I know say I want nothing. I rather get nothing than tell him and he still buys what he wants me to have. Keep the peace in the house.

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