I Hate Crawlers

January 17, 2012

in the generous life

I will probably never enjoy shooting zombies.
(I can’t believe I just wrote that.)

Turns out my husband does.

Why am I bringing this up (you might ask)? 

Well, I was thinking about how much I actually know about zombies.  I listen to my husband, son and friends talk about them (are you worried about my friends now?) and I’ve watched as my husband and others have played zombie shooting video games.

Where am I going with this (you should probably ask)?

I think it’s important to know about your husband’s world even if you are not going to be directly involved in it.  It can be an encouragement to him (you want to know about his life) and it gives you a common vocabulary and something to talk about.

So look at your husband’s life and identify the various parts of it (work, hobbies, interests, etc.). If you can be a part of it that’s great (more couple time), but, if not, asking questions and learning to talk about it is a good option.

Zombies hate fast food.  Author Undead

Image credit © Alex Morales | Dreamstime.com

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Don’t forget to add your “ideas for Valentine’s Day” HERE to enter to win a copy of The Self-Centered Marriage. (aff link)  Contest ends January 23rd.

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I’m going to file these two MLK treats in the “I wish I’d written this” file ~ Martin Luther King, Jr. and Your Marriage (from Assume Love) and You Have a Dream; Now Get a Plan (from Making Love in the Microwave)

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Be generous! Lori <><

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Nicole January 17, 2012 at 2:58 am

This is a very good way for us as wives to be involved in our husband’s lives more as well. My husband loves music and karate, two things I feel I cannot fit into because I don’t know or do them. But if I can be involved when it’s just us and ask questions or watch him and show my interest in him, yea- that’s a great idea! Thanks for your post Lori- be blessed! :)

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Lisa January 17, 2012 at 4:11 am

I love the idea, but is it still beneficial when your husband does not much other than gaming? Literally online gaming is his life and as soon as he gets up in the morning till pretty much he goes to bed he’s on 2-3 different kinds of online multiplayer pvp games. On top of that hes unemployed so home all day doing that, occasionally stopping to do something else around the house, but goes right back to the game as soon as he’s finished with it. Its at the point now too where the children are copying him, and even if I say something to him, he doesn’t pay attention to me. Why would I want to learn about his newest online game if its all he does? Its stealing his time away from his family.

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Amanda January 17, 2012 at 8:40 am

My husband is REALLY into sports, so I have been trying to learn some of the language and teams that he seems to follow more frequently. I even learned all about Tim Tebow by sitting with him listening to an entire show all about him! While football and basketball might not be my favorite topics of conversation, I can see that it is important to him so therefore it should be important to me, too.

Here is something fun for you to introduce your Zombie loving husband to: Hornady® Zombie Max™ Certified Zombie Handgun Ammunition. I had a short job at Bass Pro Shops this Christmas season and they sold this stuff like crazy. You can Google “Bass Pro Zombie Ammunition” and it will be one of the first things in the list.

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The Generous Wife January 17, 2012 at 11:53 am

@Lisa The economy is pretty tough right now (I know in my area folks are struggling to find work). You husband is probably bored and winning at games feels better than “losing” at employment.

That said, I do understand why you feel that the gaming is unhealthy for him and your family.

I would encourage you to join in on the gaming “to a healthy degree.” It would make it a family thing and a couple thing and open the door for you to invite your family to do other things. Perhaps start by encouraging them to play a board game or go for a walk with you (even if at first you talk about the video games). Help them enjoy other activities.

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Patty Newbold January 17, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Great article, Lori! To answer Lisa’s question, you might want to do it because men are biologically different from us women. To them, for reasons that have to do with different hormone levels, the foundation of a relationship is respect. There can be no relationship with someone who does not respect you as a person.

Unemployed, he’s surely concerned about how much respect anyone has for him, especially you. Avoiding you avoids discovering his marriage has died.

If you express interest in his gaming, it also keeps you from focusing on your belief that he’s “stealing his time away from his family,” which surely gets in the way of showing your respect for him. He is more than his income. There are so many other things to respect about him.

Feeling your respect again is likely to relieve a good bit of the anxiety he surely uses gaming to deal with (unless this is a full-blown addiction out of his control — and yours). It might even free up some productive time for looking for work, and it will surely give him more self-confidence to face the possible rejection.

You cannot rebuild your relationship with scorn. You cannot win more of his time with scorn. And you cannot come up with more income or more Daddy time for your kids by ending your marriage. So why not try talking about the games?

(Sorry, Lori, for hijacking your comments thread, but I made this mistake 25 years ago and feel an overwhelming urge to hang on tight to anyone headed for the same cliff.)

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The Generous Wife January 17, 2012 at 4:12 pm

No problem, Patty. It’s always good to hear from someone with experience. Thanks for taking the time to share and encourage.

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Aja January 17, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Great article! I am the same way with my husband and cars. Whenever he would start talking about them I would automatically zone out. Over the years I’ve started asking questions and paying more attention and now I (occasionally) find our car conversations somewhat interesting.

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Lynn K. January 17, 2012 at 6:29 pm

I’ve read the comments.
Needed this post for quit awhile now.
My husband has been in a motorcycle club (Soliders for Jesus MC) for a little more than 2 years. I was pregnant with our 3rd baby and a stay at home mom. His meetings are every other Friday night an hour away from home and he has random events that he has to go to on the weekend. He is now working full time (6:30p-3a) and then school Mon-Fri full time. So he is extremely busy and is away from home days at a time.
I’ve had a really hard time feeling good about this club. When he first started we would fight and I would cry and it would get blamed on hormones. Now, 2 kids later (4 total) Labor day weekend he decided to leave at 5a to go to Colorado with the club. Left the kids and me without saying good bye. After that he started an affair with 3 different girls via Blackberry Messenger.
I know that this club and its ministry are important to him and I’ve been praying for my heart and feelings to change.
Its really difficult when its a lot of older couples and children are not invited to events. Even with him working full time we don’t have the money for a sitter that often. So us doing this together is not really something we can do together on a regular basis.
I’m having trouble with what I’m feeling. Anger, jealousy, lonely, resentful?, worried?
Thank you for the post. I’ll be re-reading it so it sticks and hopefully I can be happy he is in a ministry he enjoys.

-i think another problem I have with it, is that his first ministry should be his family. That is definitely not a priority for him.

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Hellen January 20, 2012 at 3:59 am

Hi, same story here, he is addicted to World of Warcraft and since he started playing we spent less time as a couple, what can I do in this situation, should I start playing and team up with him?

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brian January 17, 2014 at 2:15 am

men have sports, v-games. women have pinterest and (fill in the blank). interests are just interests and there is no need to fully dissect something just because we may not like it and call it wrong. a blogger (“xy code – decoding the male mind”) wrote this excellent article called “Why Do Men Get So Obsessed with Sports?” but it applies to other things like interests also – it’s a short but good read. enjoy:

http://thexycode.com/2013/11/27/why-do-men-get-so-obsessed-with-sports/

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