This is another great post (that I’ve shamelessly stolen) from The Generous Husband. I love the story because it illustrates the concept so well. How often do we do something without much thought because that’s the way it’s always been done? A little outside-the-box thinking might help you come up with options that will work better for you and your sweetie. (I’ve changed the post to accommodate gender.)
Ever ask yourself why your standards are what they are? Is there a good reason for your standards, or are they something passed on to you that you have never really examined?
Here is a story about a couple that illustrates this.
The bride was a great cook, but every time she made a roast, she cut the end off and cooked it in a separate pan. Her husband asked why she did this, and she said, “It’s how my mom always does it.” A few weeks later, they are at her parents’ home for Sunday dinner, and the man asks his wife’s mother about the cut of roast end. She explains it’s how her mother taught her to cook a roast. A few months later, they are at the wife’s grandparents, and grandma serves roast. So the husband has to ask, after commenting on how good it is, why she cuts the end off and cooked it separately. Grandma said “Because my roaster is too small for the entire roast.”
Silly as that story is, you know it’s true. We learn things and just keep doing them without questioning the why. We don’t wonder if the good reason for those things has long since ceased to exist, or if the original reason was even valid. Our standards are the same way – we pick them up from our family as we grow up, and some of them we keep without ever questioning them. Others we reject more as a way of rebellion than because we have thought it out – so we still have a standard (an anti-standard?) because of someone else.
Are you holding your husband to standards that are mindless? Are you limiting him because of the thinking of people in your past, or even people you have never met? Are your expectations of him based on things that are no longer valid?
I am NOT suggesting just throwing out standards. What I am suggesting is that you examine your standards. One at a time, think about them. Why do you have those standards? Why were those standards created? Are the standards biblical? Are they really Bible based, or were you just told they were? Maybe your standards made sense when and where they originated, but don’t make sense now in your life.
By the way, many of his standards are no doubt the same way. Asking him to examine his standards is good; asking him to examine his standards after you have done the same with yours, and made some changes, is far better.
Look at those areas where you struggle in your marriage. Are there standards at play that have little real meaning? Reevaluate, pray, talk, and work through to new standards and goals that will bless you both.
Image credit © Birgit Brandlhuber | Dreamstime.com
Several folks have asked about the dice seen in a recent post. It’s just a stock photo, but you can buy something similar here ~ Lucky Lovers Message Dice (from Book22, a Christian source for bedroom items)
Some thoughtful suggestions ~ 12 “Other” Life Resolutions/Habits to Consider (from Becoming Minimalist)
To Love, Honor and Vacuum has a solid article on Men & Porn ~ How to Deal with a Husband’s Pornography Use: A Man’s Perspective
Be generous! Lori <><