You’re Not Married to Your Dad

November 19, 2011

in the generous life

© Birgit Reitz-hofmann | Dreamstime.comComparisons can hurt.

I’ve witnessed several conversations where husbands were deeply hurt or shamed because they were compared unfavorably to their wife’s father, old boyfriend, pastor, etc.

You married your husband, unique person that he is. He has his strengths, weaknesses, abilities, and failings.  Yes, he can learn from others, but being unkindly compared to another doesn’t teach him anything, it just shames and hurts him.  Be careful with the “my father did it this way” or (worse) “my old boyfriend really knew how to kiss” kind of comments.  (Instead try, “Can we try it this way?” or “Can I try a few new kisses on you?”)

You married your husband, not any of these other people.  He’s your friend, lover and partner in life.  Build him up.  Praise the good and gently share about your feelings and thoughts when there are difficulties. And do realize that your husband is not bad, wrong or stupid because he is different from other men that you like or respect.  He is just unique and needs to be accepted and appreciated for who he is.

Love is the total absence of fear. Love asks no questions. Its natural state is one of extension and expansion, not comparison and measurement. Gerald Jampolsky

Image credit © Birgit Reitz-hofmann |


Julie gives great practical advice – Sex at the In-Laws? Is This a Good Idea?  (from Intimacy in Marriage)


Resources and info – How Birth Control May Put a Wet Blanket on Your Sex Life (from Lori Lowe at


Don’t forget to add your “free/inexpensive gift idea” as a comment to this tip  for a chance to win Apples to Apples On the Go (aff link), a fun, quick card version of the original Apples to Apples. (Winner to be announced with Monday’s tip.)


Be generous!  Lori <><
36 days ’til Christmas!

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