Serve Up Sanity for Thanksgiving

November 8, 2011

in the generous life

© Keely Kernan | Dreamstime.comBless those who grew up in a healthy family where everyone was loved and appreciated.  Holidays are a joy, filled with warmth and wonderful surprises.

Unfortunately not all of us have experienced that and the holidays can be a very stressful time. Be aware of your husband’s and your family issues with the holidays approaching.  Encourage each other and do what is best for your marriage relationship and family needs.  Yes, you want to honor your parents and extended family, but not at the expense of anyone’s sanity and general well-being.

Prayerfully and gently set healthy boundaries in difficult relationships.  Yes, you are likely to make someone unhappy, but a part of being a grown up is learning to deal with disappointments and not always getting your way.  Relatives need to understand that your marriage and family are deeply important and something you are willing to guard.  Time spent with them is dependent on how willing they are to respect boundaries and treat everyone reasonably.

That you may retain your self-respect, it is better to displease the people by doing what you know is right, than to temporarily please them by doing what you know is wrong.   William J. H. Boetcker

Image credit © Keely Kernan | Dreamstime.com

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Safe at Home has a lovely encouragement that could “add new life, strength and even healing to your relationship.” – Great Habits Make Great Marriages

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One Child in Heaven – OneFleshMarriage shares the story of a couple who learned to walk in grace after the loss of a child.  Very important message!

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Be generous!  Lori <><
47 days ’til Christmas!

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Sheila Gregoire November 8, 2011 at 5:06 am

This is such a common problem! Thanks for talking about it. Children are actually more likely to have one set of divorced grandparents than they are to have divorced parents. When divorce affects a family, it’s not just the nuclear family. It’s the extended family, too. And if a couple has four sets of parents (two sets of divorced parents, who have remarried), that makes for such a hectic holiday season, especially if some parents take it as a loyalty issue that you visit them and not the other, or that you visit them before the other.

I say holidays should be for the nuclear family. If your parents split up, that isn’t your problem, and your kids should not have to bear the brunt of it by spending holidays in the car, driving from one set of grandparents to another. Talk to your spouse and draw some really firm boundaries. You can always visit people the next week. Keep Christmas and Thanksgiving special days for you, where they can meaningful to you. And then, when you’re able to let others in, do so. But care for your own family first!

Sheila from To Love, Honor and Vacuum!

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J (Hot, Holy & Humorous) November 8, 2011 at 7:42 am

It took my husband and I years to make the holidays a great time with families. One of the best things we did was start getting a hotel room when we visited. We were able to enjoy the family, with all of its quirks, and then retreat to our own space at the end of the day.

Couples should discuss the holiday plans ahead of time. Also, I have learned to let some stuff go. My kids have 365 days with us teaching them a biblical foundation, so they will not be ruined by spending a day or two with distant relatives who do not share our values.

Great reminder, Lori.

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