In Their Eyes

October 19, 2011

in the generous life

© Ambro10 | Dreamstime.comI confess.  I have struggled with body image issues most of my life. 

I am or have been at one point – too short, too tall, too thin, too fat, too young, too old.  My nose isn’t pointy enough, my chin’s too small, my tata’s are too small (and now gravity is having its way with them), and on and on and on and on.  I could pick myself to death over appearance and the sad thing is that I have allowed that attitude to fashion my life at times.  I would avoid certain people or situations because I wasn’t good/pretty enough and, to be embarrassingly honest, it’s effected how I relate to my husband in many ways, including sexually. I believed my culture’s standard of beauty when it told me that I’m not sexy and desirable, that I didn’t have as much worth as those who have perfectly straight teeth and a low BMI.

I finally figured out that basically I’ve been whining because I’ve failed at my culture’s standard of beauty.  So … one of my new missions in life is just to get over it.

I look the way I look.  God seems pretty happy about it (He acts like I’m a piece of artwork He has fashioned and, honestly, it’s not good to argue with the Guy) and my husband definitely likes to look and touch (yep, he’s male).  

I need to receive with gratitude the gift of my body and value God’s standard of beauty.  I think it’s about choices.  Who will I believe?  What will I believe?  I want to live my life in a way that honors God and blesses my sweetie.  I think I’m going to look at my reflection in their eyes for awhile.

How beautiful you are, my darling!  Oh, how beautiful!   Song of Songs 1:15a  NIV

Image credit © Ambro10 | Dreamstime.com

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Nice “true beauty” resource – Who Calls Me Beautiful (aff link)  by Regina Franklin

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Here is the second part to The Generous Husband’s series on wants vs. needs. – You don’t care about what I want?  Study your husband and be generous in those areas that are deeply important to your man.

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Be generous! Lori <><

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Carol B. October 19, 2011 at 12:56 pm

It is so important to “Make peace” with those things over which we have no control. Now that I am over 50, there have been lots of body changes and I don’t have the figure I always did–even up to a couple of years ago. I love Anita Renfroe’s “Wrinkled Ladies.” I am also thankful for a husband that doesn’t mind a bit!

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momOf3 November 24, 2011 at 1:13 pm

wow. this is a tough one. especially since my husband informed me this summer he wouldn’t have married me if i looked then the way i do now. 5’4″ 155 lbs. And i have 3 kids–his kids. i wish he’d get a girlfriend who look how he wants and just leave.

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L. Canton January 5, 2012 at 10:50 am

I am there with momof3. I read posts on how women should not let their husbands go without sex, etc. etc. That’s always been extrememly important to me my whole marriage-long. I also read about how we should accept our bodies and realize our husbands don’t care that much; they just want to enjoy sex with us. Well, that is just NOT TRUE for a lot of wives! My husband is a Christian, but has always looked at other women and everything that involves. I didn’t know it until several years after we were married. He has always criticized my body for one reason or another. Mainly because I don’t compare to some picture or other of other women, or don’t compare to someone 10 or 20 yrs. younger than me, even though I get second looks from men, and always have, when I am out. He can have sex with me any time he wants it and it’s always been that way, but now he tells me that he’s just not attracted to me anymore at all because I’ve never made myself look quite like he wanted. Do you know how hard it is to keep making myself available?! I never did look good enough for him (which is obvious because this all started right after we were married and I looked pretty darn good!), so why keep trying? His attitude has been a total motivation killer for a wife who really wanted to please and look good for her husband. I think there may be a lot of women out there with a similar story.

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The Generous Wife January 5, 2012 at 12:19 pm

There are men who have wrong attitudes about beauty, sex and marriage. I’m very sorry that your husband has been so unkind. It is understandable that you’re finding it hard to be intimate with someone who tells you that you aren’t good enough, pretty enough, etc. It’s likely that looks are not really the issue and it will take a trained counselor to sort it all out. Please take the time to look for resources in your area and get help.

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Martin July 15, 2014 at 3:00 pm

It is rarely what you have beauty wise, but how much of yourself you are willing to give! He married you, he found you lovely enough, don’t worry about if your looks please him, focus instead on pleasing him; give yourself to him without reservation, with uninhibited vulnerability and joy- smiles are sexy and sexy will make him smile. Think meekness without fear, this is precious to your Lord and to your lord.

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