The other day I overheard a couple having an argument. The biggest problem seemed to be that both spouses were jumping to conclusions. They filled in a lot of blanks themselves instead of asking their spouse to explain further.
I stopped a moment and had to ask myself how much do I do that? Am I guilty of finishing my husband’s sentences in my head? Do I take what he says and embellish it a bit with my own perspectives and/or imagination? Am I listening to what he actually says or am I just hearing what I want to hear or what I expect to hear?
Why not develop the habit of asking questions? Yes, it will take a bit to do so, but it’s so much kinder and you may actually understand a bit better what your husband is trying to communicate. (It’s also very OK to stop in the middle of a discussion/argument and apologize for jumping to conclusions. Just pause, apologize and ask for clarification.)
“I’m hearing [whatever]. Is that what you mean?”
“Would you try explaining with different words? I don’t feel like I’m getting it.”
“What does that mean to you?”
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Be generous! Lori <><