Every now and then I get an email from someone who suggests that I put too high an emphasis on sex.
Now I will own that I do a fair amount of talking about healthy sex in marriage. I saw my marriage nearly fall apart because of lack of sexual knowledge and personal wounding over sex. That was compounded by a silent church that didn’t know how to help my husband and me. I have also been aware of the void of helpful information about sex from the church (though that has changed significantly over the last few years) and from the world (ohmygosh, some of the stuff out there is just plain scary).
That said, I hope that I can share a balanced view. Sex is hugely important and we need to be creative there as well, but, to keep it all in balance, all areas of our marriages need to be tended to, carefully and patiently, through the days and years of our lives.
I would like to share one concept with y’all, though, something that the Lord shared with me years ago when I wanted to downplay the importance of sex.
Things you can do with others: You can share a home, share your thoughts, pray with them, hug them, tell them secrets, even raise a kid with them. The list is pretty endless.
Things you can do ONLY with your spouse: sex … um, that’s it.
Again, I don’t mean to say that those other things are not important to your marriage. They are deeply important. You need to build all areas of your marriage relationship. But please realize that sex is unique to marriage and … so, I’m guessing, it’s kind of important.
If you are struggling with sex, please realize that you are not alone. The important thing is to continue to challenge yourself to grow in this area. Consider carefully why you struggle, look for help, read good books, hang out with couples who have healthy marriages, etc. Don’t give up, because growth and change in your marriage is very possible, even when it has to do with sex.
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LINKS TO BLOG POSTS THAT STOOD OUT TO ME THIS LAST WEEK:
Black & Married With Kids: What Happens When You Treat Your Spouse As Your Enemy? – time to change our attitudes!
The Generous Husband: A challenging series about anger
A Grown Up Marriage: Dealing With Our Negative Emotions – dealing with emotions in a constructive, loving and respectful way.
Hot, Holy & Humorous: A Little Instruction for the Kiss – A must read. Common sense wrapped in a belly laugh.
(in)courage: Serving People With Food – It’s about being the hands and feet of Jesus.
Internet Cafe Conversations: Life is a Series of Tiny Choices – Life happens one choice at a time.
Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage: Everyone Has a Big But – A powerful integrity message (and, yes, I laughed).
To Love, Honor & Vacuum: Modesty Should Not Mean Dowdy – preach it, girl!
Marriage Life: Remind Me – sweet song and a beautiful relationship goal.
Marriage Works: Secure Your Own Marital Oxygen Mask First – great analogy!
One Flesh Marriage: Life in Sexual Drought Begging for Change and Ending the Sexual Drought – seeking healthy change.
The Romantic Vineyard: Final Gift, Proverbs 13, and What Does a Healthy Marriage Look Like? – Tom and Debi are really kickin’ it this week. Three great articles about leaving your family a legacy letter, friendships, and getting a check up.
Be generous! Lori <><