Meeting at the Equator

April 21, 2011

in the generous life

I had an interesting conversation with my husband.  We discussed a subject where our perspectives were almost polar opposites (it rarely happens so it was kind of a big thing).  I was really pretty proud of us because we stayed calm.  We asked questions and took the time to really listen to each other and examine each others perspectives.  Whew!  It was hard work.

If you feel communication challenged, stop what you normally do and ask a few questions.  Try to understand his position.  After you have heard him thoroughly, then share your perspective as well.  Be willing to state your thoughts in a number of different ways so that there is a better chance of being understood.

Peace is not the absence of conflict but the presence of creative alternatives for responding to conflict …  Dorothy Thompson

Be generous!  Lori <><

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Jen Stinson April 21, 2011 at 5:31 am

My husband does not like when I ask questions. Especially ones that clarify what he is saying. This is what ends up causing the conflict. There are a LOT of issues that we are on opposite sides on and its honestly easier for me to not share my opinion unless it is a matter of true importance to the lives of our family and our children in the exact moment (he’s always had it in his head that our daughter would wrestle, I have never been okay with the idea but saying something would have caused a huge fight, and since she isn’t even 2 y/o it wasn’t worth it yet. In this situation a friend brought it up and I was able to give my opinion to the friend in front of him and then he was able to hear me, but if I’d said something directly to him it wouldn’t have been received at all). I struggle with this A LOT and have shared with him that I feel we can’t have a conversation about anything of importance or that I am passionate about. Our talks literally consist of what is happening in his work(which he likes my thoughts and advice on) and the facts of my day with our kids.

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Seaweedandraine April 21, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Sage advice Lori. Being open to view things the way the other person sees them is critical in times like those. You don’t have to agree, and often I find that when I have those (rare) moments when it it necessary, my willingness to hear my husband out is what is more important to him. He doesn’t mind if I don’t agree, just so long as he is heard.

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Darling Clementine April 30, 2011 at 1:51 am

While my fiance’ is VERY open to listening to all ideas, we do not agree on some key core issues. Our views of life are very different. Being polar opposites is what attracted us at first. While he is still attracted, my attraction to him has significantly waned. I just keep my opinion to myself to avoid the heated exchanges we would find ourselves in during the early stages of our relationship.

We aren’t going to have kids, so that’s not an issue. But, I am very sad because I am with someone with whom I am not connected emotionally anymore. I am like Jen Stinson – I end up talking about work, weather, and other benign things.

I do love him and he is a very good man who treats me like a queen. But I feel very alone. I feel like I might as well be single again because it would be less stress…

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