Most women seem to have a problem doing something nice for themselves. It probably comes from a number of goofy societal messages, but it just seems hard to do something enjoyable and not feel guilty about it.
I notice this particularly with sex. Unless you are trying to get pregnant, sex just seems about pleasure. I think that is one of the reasons women balk at their husband’s drive for sex. It seems pleasure driven and that seems selfish and therefore wrong. This tends to open up thoughts like “he just wants sex (he’s in it for the pleasure not for the relationship).”
I would like to challenge that concept on a number of fronts.
SEX IS MORE THAN PLEASURE. I think we need to give our husbands (and ourselves) more credit. Yes, sex is about pleasure, but it’s also about intimacy and comfort and a host of warm, fuzzy relational things. I think that the pursuit of pleasure outside of relationship is asking for trouble, but in marriage it’s a wonderful, enjoyable way to build intimacy.
SEX IN CONTEXT IS HEALTHY. In marriage, there are many activities we engage in and enjoy. We enjoy sharing a meal with our husband (the conversation and couple time is great). We enjoy working on a project with him (the teamwork and sense of accomplishment are great). So why not look forward to and enjoy sex with your husband? It’s just one of many things things that you do with him.
ENJOYING PLEASURE IS OK. Pleasure and sensuality are not inherently evil. Chocolate ice cream is from heaven (not hell). Walking arm and arm with your sweetie on a windy day is very cool. It’s not wrong to look forward to sex just for the sake of pleasure and the intimacy it brings. Be good to yourself (and your husband) and enjoy the sensuality of sex within the safety of your marriage relationship.
Drink and imbibe deeply, O lovers. Song of Songs 5:1b NAS
Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:
Marriage Gems: 7 Ways to Create Sparks Every Day
Divorce Busting: 11 Tips for the Spouse with a Lower Sex Drive
Jeff Talks Relationships: Find What You’re Looking For
The Dating Divas Sensual Touch Massage
One Flesh Marriage: Destination: Marriage Perfection!
Home Sanctuary: Lagniappe and Valley of Indecision
Intimacy in Marriage: How Much Time Does Sex Really Take Anyway?
The Confident Mom: Blowing Bubbles
The Romantic Vineyard: Project Simplify – An Invitation
I’m an Organizing Junkie: Tips for Cluttered Surfaces
Be generous! Lori <><