A Bit About Porn and a Few Resources

February 5, 2011

in the generous life

People have legitimate needs that they will try to fill.  When we are hungry we look for something to eat.  When we need affection we look for someone to hug.  The problem comes along when we try to fill a legitimate need with an illegitimate solution.  For example, when we need affection and eat a bowl of ice cream instead or when we are lonely and turn to look at porn (yes, there is a growing group of gals who are struggling with porn use).

The problem with porn is that typically it becomes the solution to everything.  When folks are bored, tired, lonely, aroused, scared, etc. looking at porn acts like emotional medication.  The solution to that is a bit complex, because you have to look at each of those scenarios and work to create a new habit with legitimate ways of meeting the needs.  When you’re bored, find creative things to do.  When you’re lonely, call a friend.  When you’re scared face your fears and ask God for wisdom and courage.

The problem is also one of brain chemistry.  When you do anything sexual you release a number of feel good hormones and chemicals.  This adds to the emotional medication aspect.  When we feel bad and turn to something illegitimate that makes us feel good, that’s a pretty strong tie that is especially hard to break if the legitimate solution is difficult or stressful.

Now for the good resources – False Intimacy (aff link) by Schaumburg is a very thoughtful book with a good deal of useful info (including a chapter on keeping your children from falling into the same trap).  Also look into resources online (like BeBroken.com or Dirty Girls Ministries).  Build friendships (or look into local support groups) that will offer accountability.  Do what you need to do to guard your eyes online (check into computer filters like Safe Eyes (aff link)).

Don’t do what you’ll have to find an excuse for.  Proverb

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Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:

The Happy Home Fairy is till putting out great Valentine ideas
Journey to Surrender: Are You Promoting (Your) Marriage?
Intimacy in Marriage: Modesty is Destroying Your Sexual Intimacy
The Romantic Vineyard: Fragrant Aroma – NOT
Happily Married After: Articulation
Simple Marriage: 10 Tips to Living a Mindful Marriage
One Flesh Marriage: If You’re Happy and You Know It, LOOK OUT!
Black & Married With Kids: 10 Things Wrong With You – In Your Marriage
My Super-Charged Life: Toss Out Everything and Start Over

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Be generous! Lori <><

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Crystal Renaud February 5, 2011 at 8:08 am

Thank you for acknowledging this growing issue among women and for linking to Dirty Girls Ministries as a resource. We are humbled and pray women will be helped.

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The Generous Wife February 5, 2011 at 10:45 am

Crystal, thanks for all you do in such a new (and therefore difficult) field of ministry. Pioneers always have stones thrown at them, but if you hang in there, eventually you get blessed. :)

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