Being Truthful All The Time

November 16, 2010

in the generous life

My husband posted a generous tip a couple of days ago that I thought was insightful and massively important when it comes to building trust and intimacy in your marriage. It’s written to guys, but is just applicable to us gals.  Read and apply as needed.

Ever not told your bride something because you knew it would upset her? Some guys do this to avoid confessing sin (adultery, porn) or a mistake (bad financial decision, getting a ticket, gambling losses). Other times not telling is done to avoid things that are not the man’s fault – the possibility of being laid off at work, something one of the kids did, or bad news of any kind. Still other times it’s a matter of not wanting to upset her when you want something – from sex tonight to a few days away hunting next month.

I get it. I understand not wanting to be the messenger who might be yelled at, I understand not wanting her to be disappointed in you, and I understand just hating it when she feels hurt. Thing is, most women see not sharing something as the same thing as lying to them. So when she finds out (and let’s face it, that happens a good deal of the time) her anger or hurt is compounded by her sense of betrayal that you did not tell her in the first place. If this happens very often, she will feel she can’t trust you, and that’s not something you want or need in your life!

Personally, I think withholding things is wrong even if it’s guaranteed she will never find out – and a lot of guys have found out that there is no such thing as a guarantee that she won’t ever find out.

Be generous!  Lori <><

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Barb M. November 16, 2010 at 7:41 am

This is the first time I’ve read advice such as this, and I know it’s true. My ex had gone to a bachelor party full with strippers and a hot tub at a local hotel resort while I and our young son were out visiting my brother and family in another state. He never asked me nor told me that he was going to go, let alone that he went and later I found out since he worked every day with the groom! He said he did not know about it until the last minute! Well, it hurt our marriage, and was one of the last straws on the camel’s back. My now husband and the man God sent me, would never do something like that, let alone hide it from me. He does keep some secrets about things his ex is doing and he fails to “remember” to tell me things his kids are up to, but he is working on it, as long as I am patient and encouraging. He does not understand why I get uptight for not being “in the know.” It’s from being lied to for so many years by so many others.

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Cyndi November 16, 2010 at 8:45 am

This is right on the mark. My husband and I have been separated for over a year now. Just this last week he has been texting me (which only happened on rare occasions). He is asking questions and told me he will be honest about anything I ask him. I told him the same. It has been truly liberating to be so up front and honest about things past and present. I am praying for reconciliation and believe it will happen in God’s time.

Thank you for this post. I appreciate your ministry! :)

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Mary M November 16, 2010 at 5:50 pm

This was one of the foundations of our marriage we agreed on from the get-go. Knowing it would be hard, but if we didn’t stay completely transparent, it would become a wedge that would drive us apart. Thanks for sharing this.

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Gwen November 17, 2010 at 11:58 am

I loved this post. It’s so important to be honest in your marriage. The wedge will grow and fester if we allow it to.
.-= Gwen´s last blog ..Expressing Love Through Touch =-.

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