What Husbands Want – Let’s Learn to Communicate

October 22, 2010

in the generous life


While reading the emails, I was constantly reminded that guys think and communicate differently than we do. The guys were absolutely charming, working to explain their thoughts in ways that I might understand. Bless them for their effort and thoughtfulness. They did a terrific job!

The guys are very aware that men and women communicate differently and they really desire to be able to communicate well with their wives. Several of them offered some insight into the world of male communication as a way of helping to bridge the gap.

Some helpful hints from the guys for learning to speak “man talk”:

1) be willing to communicate (guys really cannot read out minds! imagine that)
2) talk plainly and be willing to spell things out specifically (guys tend to deal with things in tangible, measurable terms)
3) honesty is a must (if you don’t care where you have dinner, that’s fine, but if you have a preference, please speak up)
4) try to have some “cut to the chase” sentences now and then (going over all the details tends to lose them, they want something that gives them the heart of what you are saying in a sentence or two)
5) when you change subjects be clear about it (verbal gymnastics can be confusing)
6) courtesy is important (let them finish their own sentences and let them finish their thoughts without too much interruption)

Also understand that most guys just don’t have it in them to have a talking marathon. They care, but too much talk can burn them out. I have it on the best of authority that guys sometimes just like to be quiet and there is nothing wrong with them!

And, if all else fails, sound out a few grunts (a la Tim the Toolman). It won’t communicate anything specific, but it will make him feel appreciated that you took the time to learn a few words of “man speak.”

All silliness aside, we really do have gender differences when it comes to communicating. I encourage you to take the time to learn how to listen and speak so the you can really understand each other. Read books on communication and then practice what you read. Ask your husband to work with you on this because it is really important. Your ability to communicate directly effects the quality of your marriage.

Generous tip: Practice a couple of communication skills this week. 1) Ask your husband a question, listen to his answer and then see if you can restate what he said back to him (ask him if you got it right). 2) See if you can take something you’ve been thinking about and state it in two or three sentences (if he wants to talk about it more then he can, but if not he has the gist of what you want to communicate).

Be generous! Lori <><

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

littledinobug October 22, 2010 at 2:47 am

for #4 what I’ve heard around the block is “TL;DL”


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