Desire Fulfilled

October 9, 2010

in the generous life

Husbands want to be wanted sexually.  What that means in practical terms is that you may want to initiate sex more often.  Let him know how much you enjoy sex with him and when you do have sex express your enjoyment with appreciative sounds and movements.  Leave him in no doubt that you enjoyed your little rendezvous.

Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.  William James

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Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:
The Marry Blogger: I appreciated Stu’s honesty in Pushing Past Fake and Surface
Marriage Gems: Love Lasts Longer Than Thought
Intimacy in Marriage: Battling Body Image
Happily Married After: Secrets to Happiness (Happy Anniversary David & Thea!)
Simple Marriage: 12 Cozy Date Ideas for Fall
Journey to Surrender: Respect, Submission and Trust

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Be generous! Lori <><

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

McKenzie October 9, 2012 at 9:43 am

I have been reading your blog for awhile now and really trying to change some things about myself because I really feel God has shown me its first better to work on yourself instead of changing your husband. However, I feel that this entry really hits me as one of my two roadblocks in our marriage right now (the other being not able to have sex at all if my head is not even close to being there). I guess I really don’t even know how to initiate, even though that seems dumb. I feel too embarrassed and honestly I don’t want sex at all so I never have had to. Six years of marriage and two c sections later I feel even more insecure about my body how could I initiate anything? I feel like I want to (a little bit) for my husbands sake but its like I am climbing over a very high wall that when I get to the top it looks too high so I come back down….

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The Generous Wife October 9, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Sometimes initiating is as simple as saying, “Will you make love with me?” You’ve verbally initiated. It’s OK to let your husband know that you’re uncertain on how to physically initiate.

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jen January 3, 2014 at 9:40 am

As simple as saying, “Will you make love with me”… no offense but seriously? For those of us who are extremely insecure and have the additional issue of having a difficult time articulating feelings/wants/desires… actually verbalizing those words are as daunting as a root canal. Honestly? I’d rather have the root canal. I have been married for 10 years with my best friend, no less, and have 2 kids and yet struggle so deeply with insecurity and the inability to truly be vulnerable. I don’t want to be embarrassed about my desires if they aren’t reciprocated. That leads to fear of rejection and hurt feelings and walls going up. I was brought up with a lot of sex-shaming, no positive perspective and a lot of body image shaming. I’m a thirty year old woman with two kids (that probably seems surprising!) Whoop struggles with sexuality. I love my husband and he is amazing and patient but sometimes his idea of giving me space, translates into lack of reassurance or desire on his post to chase me, woo me and grab topics by the reigns. He is passive and where I am, I can’t initiate because of the fear of rejection. For example: there’s something I’d like to incorporate into our sex life. He knows about it (I wasnt sure that he was aware as we were both inexperienced virgins prior to marriage) but I realized he was aware of it… he’s never initiated it once or mentioned it once in the ten years we’ve been married Shi MY fear is that he didn’t want to to begin with. So why bring it up to him only to be rejected somehow (even unintentionally)… I’m a mess and dance around talking because I’m embarrassed. Please help!

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Lori - The Generous Wife January 3, 2014 at 3:56 pm

Jen,
Start small and simple. Perhaps start by letting him know that you enjoyed the sex you had last night. Next let him know what it was that you enjoyed “I love the way you kiss.” Yes, it’s going to be a bit awkward at first because you are learning a new skill. You are learning to communicate about sex.

The other thing I would encourage you to do is read a couple of blogs – these blogs written by Christian women who understand the kind of struggles you are facing.

Hot, Holy & Humorous http://bit.ly/1cR5Ood
Intimacy in Marriage http://bit.ly/iUozKp
To Love, Honor and Vacuum http://bit.ly/qldaMH

A lot of what they write about is probably something you are not ready for yet, but they will have some ideas for you and just being exposed to sex healthy writing is good.

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jen January 5, 2014 at 9:39 pm

Thank you so much! I will look at those blogs! After almost having a panic attack the other day, I hinted to my husband that we need to talk about our sex-life as there are some things I’m wanting to change for the better… he was wonderfully reassuring (as I expected him to be) and we’re going to talk soon. Fear and insecurity are thieves and liars which no doubt are tactics of the enemy to keep us down. Fear is indeed a spirit and one I’m praying the Lord will help me overcome. Thank you for your response and encouragement! May God continue to bless your ministry!

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